Anything Can Cause Anxiety

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, Interests, Intrusive thoughts, sports, stereotypes, women's wrestling, wrestling

Wrestler Eva

I must confess, I am heavily into women’s wrestling. I’ll stand back and pause for a moment while some of you call me a freak, sicko and pervert. Now that you’ve got that off your chest, I hope you will read the rest of this with an open mind. Women’s wrestling has come on leaps and bounds over the past few decades and only the most sexist pig or extreme lefty feminist has a problem with them these days. They are every much the athlete as their male counterparts. A few years ago, I wrote a similar post which you can read by clicking the link.

What Do You See?

Even things we enjoy can cause us anxiety, especially if you have Asperger’s Syndrome. The above has caused me anxiety because I am worried that there are still people out there who think I’m mentally unstable because I have an interest in women’s wrestling. Let me tell you something, my wife has known of my interest almost since we’ve met and that was nearly 19 years ago. Plus we’ve been married for 17 of those years and if she has no problem with my interest, then neither should anyone else.

But it’s not that which has been filling me with anxiety over the past few days. Like with sports teams and persons, I have a favourite woman wrestler, Eva, who is pictured above. Recently, as a birthday treat to myself, I bought a bundle package of five of Eva’s matches to download. I have watched all five and this is what started my anxiety. I would have thought that with a package specifically dedicated to one wrestler, that wrestler would at least win some of the matches but after watching them, Eva lost all five. I wasn’t pleased about that.

Now I know wrestling is fixed and she was following a script but I bow to my words in the paragraph above. You would have thought that they would have at least one match she wins. My knee jerk reaction was to demand a refund because I wasn’t satisfied. However, I took a deep breath and didn’t. Besides, would the fact that I didn’t like the results of the matches on the downloads be grounds for a refund? Anyway, I contacted the promotion and told them I wasn’t pleased. Furthermore, I pointed out what a great talent Eva was and that she had too much wrestling talent to simply be a jobber. (That’s someone who loses all the time.) I have to give credit where due, the response I received was very professional and positive. The head of the promotion agreed to my idea and put together a bundle of matches where Eva actually wins. Furthermore, I was invited to write a script for an upcoming wrestling event! So, I have.

Apart from that, my anxieties have me wondering what could have been said. Another aspect about the promoter I emailed, was that she had no problems revealing who wins a match before it’s bought. To me, that’s good customer service. There are those out there who wouldn’t let people know who wins under the guise of surprise. They think that it will get a person to buy all the matches of a certain wrestler in the hopes of seeing the ones they win. I don’t want to waste my money like that. As for the surprise, well for the past six decades, audiences have been watching James Bond movies knowing that whatever near death obstacles are thrown up at him, he will kill the baddie and get the girl. There’s no surprise there and it’s the same with knowing the outcome of a wrestling match. Knowing Eva is going to emerge victorious will only make me buy the match download more.

I have been thinking about this almost over the entire weekend. It’s a clear example that with my Asperger’s mind, anxiety can come upon me for what ever reason. This includes things I like doing. Writing this post has helped reduce those anxieties.

To buy He Was Weird go to: mazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1655057250&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or you can email me direct at tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

One Last Thought on ‘The Slap’

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, Chris Rock, films, race relations, racism, stereotypes, violence, Will Smith

I promise that this will be the final post in regards to the slap at the Oscar’s. The whole thing is beginning to get boring now but with my Asperger’s, it has awakened something which lingers in the back of my mind. A lot of memories do that which has left me suffering from ‘intrusive thoughts’ but that’s not the point of this post.

When I first heard about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock over Chris’s comments about Will Smith’s wife, who suffers from alopecia, my first thought went back to a stereotype I had held about African American men for many years. That stereotype being that all black men use violence as a way of settling things. Now, I have encountered some African American men who do fit this stereotype. Likewise, I encountered white men who do, and if I want to stereotype further, a lot of those would be regarded as hillbillies or rednecks. However, while that might be true, it does seem that it’s the black men who are more likely to get labelled with the stereotype.

Race related buzz has been circulating all throughout the media since the slap occurred. There have been laments about how Will Smith has set the black cause back many years and the usual speculations that Will wouldn’t have come under such criticism if he and Chris Rock were white. Of course this has led to further shouts of ‘playing the race card’ and so on. I had to stop reading about the whole thing as it would have sent my brain into complete confusion. In fact, now that I got it all out on screen, I feel like my head has been cleared of it all, not that it was a major source of my thoughts this week. All I wanted to do was to relate the incident to bullying.

Therefore let me close out with the thought I posted yesterday and something Will Smith and anyone else who thinks they can use violence to achieve their ends should pay attention to:

A superior man uses his words, a common man uses his fists.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1649667142&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or email me direct at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

Don’t Make Excuses, Get Help!

Tags

Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bullying, christianity, Great Britain, mental health, parents, religion, stereotypes

All throughout my childhood, I was told that I was crazy, nuts, labelled a freak, told I need to see a psychiatrist and all sorts of things. The main purpose behind all of this was to bully me but as I grew in years, I sometimes wondered if I could have done with some help. That brings me to the first obstacle as to why I didn’t. Growing up in the 1960s and 70s, mental health was seen as a taboo subject and anyone who was undergoing any sort of therapy was looked upon almost as if they were a mass murderer. I’m not making this up!

Unfortunately, this attitude was reflected on my mother. When I finally had a huge meltdown right before my 16th birthday, I yelled that “I needed to see a shrink!” My mother didn’t send me to one, instead I went to a minister who had some training in psychology. I came from a religious background which I’ll get to in a minute. Anyway, when I first reflected back on this a few years later, I assumed it was my white middle class American upbringing which made my mother shun the psychiatrist idea on account of she worried about what the neighbours were going to think. That thought may still have had something to do with it but I think it was more down to her seeing it as a negative reflection on her parenting. So that’s my first shout to parents who have children who might have difficulty. Getting your child the help he or she might need is in no way any indication you are a bad parent! In fact, it is very much the opposite because you care enough about your child to get them the help they need.

Onto the subject of religion. I was a Born Again Christian throughout my teenage years. I don’t know about other religions but in the case of Christianity, there is a negative view of the mental health field. “Bring them to the Lord!” they will shout. Well, I did go to the Lord first and that only messed my head up more. However, I didn’t seek mental health because I believed those in the church who said that once a psychiatrist find out a patient has religious beliefs, they immediately blame all the problems on the patient being a ‘religious freak.’ There are some mental health professionals who have this view about religious followers but most will not brand you a freak and many will work around those beliefs. So, ignore those religious zealots who think mental health problems are the work of Satan.

I served in the US Marine Corps as a young adult. While serving, I had those who branded me crazy among other things. One platoon sergeant said he was going to send me to a psychiatrist. He never did and the reason I think why is that the military looks suspiciously at those who purport to have mental problems. Many in higher ranks would have seen my call for help merely as an attempt to get a discharge from the Corps. It didn’t help that some of my fellow marines did try to get themselves discharged and a tiny few succeeded, like the guy who pretended to ride a motorcycle everywhere he went. I might tell that story another time. Anyhow, if the Marine Corps wasn’t so paranoid of people trying to get out any way they could, they could have possibly provided me with the help I needed.

When I came to Great Britain a few years after leaving the service, my mental problems didn’t go away. When I talked about getting help, my then wife responded that going to a psychiatrist or a counsellor was something ‘Americans did’ and you just didn’t do that in Great Britain. Her view in my mind was aided by a few ignorant British people who went around thinking that Americans are so weak-minded, that they have to talk to their therapist because they can’t cope with their pet hamster dying. Let me tell you, don’t let this stereotype prevent you from getting the help you need. I was wrong for letting that and all the other mentioned excuses prevent me from getting the help I needed much sooner.

Fortunately, I did get help. At the tender age of 42, I put myself into counselling. With the help of the counsellor, I was able to peel back the pages of my life and while it didn’t solve my problems, it gave me insight as to how they came about and how to deal with them. In fact, the counsellor gave me the confidence I needed to write “He Was Weird” and my first book “Rock and Roll Children.” I put the counsellor in my ‘Special Thanks’ page in the first book.

Needless to say but I will say it, if you think you need help, get it. Whether it’s through your doctor or elsewhere, get the help you need. It doesn’t make you weak or a heathen or a shirker and if you are a parent, getting help for your child doesn’t mean you are a failure, quite the opposite!

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1643043778&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or email me direct at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

Fact: American Football is Popular in Great Britain

Tags

American football, Americans, Great Britain, Jacksonville Jaguars, Miami Dolphins, sports, stereotypes

For those of you who read last week’s post, “Looking Forward to Sunday,” well, Sunday has come and gone. My two sons, Jake and Will and I went to the game between the Miami Dolphins and the Jacksonville Jaguars at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in London. The journeys to and from the game were the collective journeys from hell with the bus getting into London two hours late, so we got to the stadium just in time. After the game, if our bus back to Cardiff hadn’t been delayed for an hour, we would have missed it because of the sheer volume of pedestrians making their way to the London Under ground. However, we all did enjoy the game and that was in spite of Jake’s Dolphins being on the losing end of the final score. He put the loss down to a poor gambling decision by the coach and he had some consolation in the fact that his favourite player, wide receiver Mike Gesicki, turned in a great performance with eight receptions for 152 yards.

Jake, Me and Will before the game

For the entire thirty-five years I have been living in the UK, I have heard many a British person say that American football is not popular in the UK. After this past Sunday, I can say that American football is definitely popular in the UK. I knew this from this and previous attempts to buy tickets for games. When I got online to buy my tickets, there were 29,748 people ahead of me. After waiting a half hour before ticket sales and then an additional forty minutes for my turn, I couldn’t buy three tickets together. Therefore, my sons and I watched the game from three different seating locations in the stadium.

This brings me to my next point, Tottenham Hotspur Stadium was full to capacity with an attendance of 60,784 people. You don’t get nearly that many at a lot of English soccer games. In fact, I couldn’t see one empty seat in the entire stadium. Furthermore, the entire area around the stadium all the way to the underground stop which was a half hour’s walk away, there were people involved with the game. Stewards, merchandise sellers and others all contributing the spirit of American Football.

Now, I know that there will still be naysayers who will say that this post doesn’t prove anything and I’m sure they will try to rush out statistics of their own. In many cases, it will be from those small minority of Brits who hate everything about America. However, I know what I saw on Sunday and I can say that American football has found a true home in the United Kingdom. I am now going to show photos from the game and let me know if you find any empty seats.

The coin toss

The Dolphins with the ball deep in their own territory.

More action

Hope you enjoyed the pictures.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&dchild=1&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1634652971&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Some Amusing Things About America and Britain

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American football, Americans, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, BBC, Clara Barton, Crimea, Emmeline Pankhurst, Florence Nightingale, Great Britain, history, Lorraine Kelly, Russia, school shootings, stereotypes, Susan B Anthony, The Sun, US history

Last week’s post about the BBC seeming not to make a great deal out of the school shooting which took place in Crimea had me wondering what Lorraine Kelly might have said in her column in The Sun newspaper a few days after. After all, whenever a shooting happens in the US, Lorraine is the first to comment on the tragedy and go on about how all Americans love their guns etc. Therefore, I was hoping that she would say something in her column about the Crimea school shooting. Guess what? There was no mention of it in her column at all. My conclusion is that Lorraine and the BBC are only interested in school shootings if they happen in America. The sad thing is that this will not be the last school shooting to happen outside of the US.

Lorraine Kelly

Now that I got that off my chest, I have been thinking further about myths, facts and stereotypes bounding back and forth between the US and UK so I think I’ll write about that today.

First a myth: American football is not popular in Great Britain. Really? Has anyone in the UK tried to buy tickets to NFL games in London? I’ve tried on several occasions and they just sell out too quick. So we can at least conclude that at least around 70,003 people in the UK like American football. Further proof is the fact that I am a referee in the domestic game here in Britain and I can say there are over one hundred American football teams throughout the country.

College football

19th Century Women of History

During the Crimean War, Florence Nightingale gave up her life of privilege to attend to wounded soldiers She laboured tirelessly to improve conditions and medical conditions there. During the American Civil War less than a decade later, Clara Barton matched Florence’s actions.

At the end of that century, Emmeline Pankhurst led the Suffragette movement in getting women the right to vote. Her American counterpart was Susan B Anthony. Both women endured a lot of opposition and even arrest from males who wanted to maintain the status quo.

Florence Nightingale

Clara Barton

 

Emmeline Pankhurst

Susan B Anthony

As typical with my Aspergian mind, I had more thoughts on this but they’ve all seemed to have gone south. They’re probably come back shortly after post, I’ll just have to write them down for the next time.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1540315606&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stereotype Kept Me From Getting Help

Tags

Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, counselling, D.A.M.P., Great Britain, mental health, Mormons, social settings, stereotypes

Further reflecting on last week’s post about how I have grown comfortable living in Great Britain has brought up an issue from the past. When I came to the UK 32 years ago, the one great piece of baggage I brought with me was my mental health issues. Changing country doesn’t make them go away, though I never thought it would. Saying that, I still disagree with the college chaplain at Queen Mary College in London, who said that I came to Britain to run away from my problems. I won’t go further into it but you can read my ancient post, “Did I Run Away?” if you’re interested.

Thirty or so years ago, mental health was a taboo subject for people but even more so in Britain. In 1990, I went to my doctor because I have a family history of thyroid problems and I saw that I had some of the symptoms associated with it. My doctor told me that it was all in my head and referred me to a psychiatrist. When I started seeing the psychiatrist, my wife swore me to secrecy about it, especially around her family. Her feeling was that seeing a shrink wasn’t something you do in Britain. It’s something Americans do. During the time I was seeing the psychiatrist, I was also strong in the Mormon Church. There was some things the psychiatrist said that came into conflict with the teachings of the church. As a result, I thought I should talk to my bishop about it and when I told him that I was seeing a psychiatrist, his response was, “A lot of Americans do that.” Even though, he gave me some wise council regarding it, those words were the ones that stuck out the most.

This is the stereotype that filtered through my Asperger’s/DAMP mind for many years. Throughout my life, I always thought that there wasn’t something quite right in my mind. Hell, others were quick to point it out too. However, in addition to the popular taboos about seeing a mental health practitioner, the fear that I was acting like a stereotypical American persuaded me from getting any help. Shrinks and counselors were things that ‘Americans do’ and in Britain, you’re simply supposed to sort it out on your own. The stereotype went even further with some Britons saying that Americans were so weak minded, they need to talk to their psychiatrist because they can’t cope with their pet hamster dying. I definitely didn’t want to be thought of in that way.

Eventually, I did break free of the stereotype when I decided to go into counselling many years ago. Even then, I did it in such a way that only the people I wanted to knew about it. Fortunately, at my first session with the counselor, I told her my fears with the stereotype and it was a major breakthrough for me when she said she had never heard about that stereotype. While that was a major turning point, there were still many obstacles to over come and with that help, I have been able to overcome many of those. My conclusion is that no matter where you live or who you are, if you need help, go and get it!

Now, my Asperger’s mind has me envisioning loads of people, most British, saying that I shouldn’t have let that stereotype get to me. Well, they’re right, I shouldn’t have. But when there are so many stereotypes against your nationality that I wanted to avoid, the last thing I wanted to do was to do something that substantiated that stereotype. I must also point out that not all British people think that about Americans and I don’t want to be accused of stereotyping all British people, my counselor certainly didn’t. Stereotypes aren’t good and with someone with a mental health problem, they can get in the way of getting the help that person needs.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1538416596&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

Actually, I Do Like It Here

Tags

Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, D.A.M.P., discrimination, Great Britain, mental health, Politics, race relations, school shootings, stereotypes, The Sun

Being an American who has lived in Great Britain for the past 32 years, I am often asked the question, “Don’t you miss America?” The straight forward answer is “No.” However, there are things I do miss about my native country. I often joke about it but I do miss not being able to get Cap’n Crunch cereal and that is the first thing I buy whenever I go back to the States. Tastykake fruit pies is another one. But it’s not all about food, which is cheaper in the US, so are clothes. Whenever I am trying to park my car into a tight parking space, I do wish they did the diagonal and larger car park spaces like they do in America. The internet age has made it easier to watch American Football or ice hockey games without having to wait for a video of the game to be sent to me. For the most part, though, I don’t miss living in America.

One thing which many teachers who ask me that question are in agreement with is when I respond, that when I go into a UK classroom as a substitute (supply) teacher, the chances of me getting shot are virtually nil. I know the chances of it happening in the US are still slim, despite all the media hype, but I am much more likely to get shot in an American school as opposed to a British one.

This is the extreme, there are other reasons why I like living in the UK. For years, I have been afraid to sing the praises of Britain’s National Health Service. This was mainly down to my own Asperger’s fed paranoia that if I did, the more politically conservative British types would brand me a “health tourist” and those who fanatically believe everything they read in The Sun newspaper would happily jump on the bandwagon and say the same about me. These people would need to get their facts right. I can safely say that my National Insurance contributions over the past 30+ years are more than what the NHS has spent on my personal healthcare. I am NOT a health tourist and it’s ignorant to think of me as such. On the other hand, had it not been for the National Health Service, I believe that I could have been a two time widower or at the very least, paying astronomical health insurance premiums if not paying sky high doctor bills. The health service saved the lives of my wife and my ex-wife. In spite of what a few American rednecks have tried to tell me online, the NHS works!

Life in Great Britain hasn’t all been peaches and cream, I have had challenges. I honestly believe that in the first few years that I lived in the UK, there were times when I was genuinely discriminated against when going for jobs. It may sound stupid to many Brits, especially those who view race issues through rose coloured glasses, but I learned quickly that no one is going to cry racism for a white American. Not just jobs either, the reality of it all came down when, many years ago, I was accused of lying when I was off sick from work on July 4. I appealed to the Racial Equality Commission for help and was told that white Americans don’t come under the Racial Equality Act. Furthermore, I have heard many ‘jokes’ aimed at Americans where had the same joke been said about another nationality, the teller of the joke would have been branded a ‘racist.’ At times, I have found this very frustrating and I have also found the response, “Don’t let it get to you,” patronizing. With my Asperger’s/DAMP soaked mind, it does get to me and I sometimes wish it would be taken more seriously. And I take little comfort in people who try to console me by saying, “If you weren’t white, it would be racism.” While that’s probably true, it doesn’t help and the person who says it is being racist themselves. What I have done is to not let it spoil my fondness for my adopted country. I like it here.

One thing I was guilty of when I first came to Britain is stereotyping. Yes, I hate it when I am stereotyped with all Americans so now I know better. Originally, I came to the UK to attend university for one year. When I arrived, my politics were left of centre even in British politics. (In America, I was thought of as a Communist.) Also, I was very angry at America at the time, so I thought that my left wing anti-American views would make me the cool guy at the college because I thought that British students all shared my views. Many did but many didn’t not. Some looked with utter confusion when they saw me reading Socialist Worker. When asked why would an American be reading such a paper, there was mixed reactions to my response, “I’m just taking advantage of the fact I’m in a free country where I can read things like this.” So, contrary to what Americans might think, not all British students are loony left Marxists. Nowadays, while I’m still left of centre, I have issues with the far left which I will share in a future post.

What the main point I’m trying to get off my chest is that I love living in Britain. Not just for the NHS but many other reasons. Most are socially more tolerant than my country of birth. This is especially true in regards to my mental health issues although the US is improving on that, which is good. Nothing against the US, I still love the country I was born in but I am much more suited to life in the UK.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1537873672&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Coward’s Way Out

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, He Was Weird, labels, mental health, stereotypes, suicide

Today’s title is what many people, sometimes myself included, call suicide. They claim if a person wants to kill themselves, they are taking the coward’s way out. However, I also believe that this is just a lazy label from persons who don’t want to deal with the subject. It is unfair to say that a person who wishes to end it all is simply taking the coward’s way out because no one, other than that person themselves, knows what’s going on in his or her head and that things have become so bad for them that they see there’s no other way out.

I’ve been here myself. The first time was when I was nine and one occasion, I actually did stab myself. Fortunately for me at the time, my sister had brought me a butter knife, which couldn’t do the job properly, actually, not at all. Looking back, my mother and then step father saw the whole thing as funny and told me not to be so stupid by wanting to stab myself. Back then, we’re going back nearly half a century, mental health was something to be embarrassed about, especially in the middle class suburban neighbourhood I was living in at the time. Therefore, I wasn’t given the help I most likely needed.

Over the years since, there have been other times when I thought of or threatened to commit suicide. Looking back at those situations, those were probably cries for help or attempts to elicit sympathy. I got to be careful here because I know that this isn’t the case for everybody. The irony here is that during the three years of bullying hell which inspired me to write “He Was Weird,” I never thought of committing suicide. It could have been that I thought someday, I would move out of that town, which I eventually did. Seeing another way out definitely removes any thoughts of ending it all.

In our millennial year, that all changed. My world came crumbling down all around me in several ways and I believed it was all down to me. I thought that I simply screwed everything up and maybe the world was better off if I wasn’t around to wreck things. Besides, people around me seemed to be getting on fine without me and that gave me even more incentive to end it all. Nobody wanted me around anyway so maybe I should make it that I wasn’t. I had even chosen the method, hooking up a hose to my car’s exhaust and killing myself with carbon monoxide poisoning. Furthermore, I vetoed my idea of having music playing in the car at the time because I didn’t want anyone to say that music caused my suicide. What made me hesitate, however, was my belief that I would be taking the coward’s way out. That hesitation made it possible to get a last minute phone call from the person who I thought had pushed me over the edge and it was that call which brought me back. I don’t think that person ever realized it but they might have actually saved my life.

Not everything was peaches and cream after though. It was a struggle but fortunately, I had a network which provided short term help and sound advice which benefited me greatly. That is why when similar feelings came around again a few years later, I recognized it and that time, I ignored certain stereotypes and put myself into counselling. Probably one of the best decisions I had ever made in my life!

My conclusion from all of this is that while the notion that suicide is taking the coward’s way out might have saved my life, it isn’t a true notion for everyone. Some might argue that a person who wants to take their own life is actually brave by carrying out. That’s not my point. We can’t see into another person’s mind nor truly feel the anguish they might be experiencing at the moment or what events from their past might have contributed to their decision. What everyone needs to be is more supportive and understanding and take mental health much more seriously.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1536566786&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

You’re On Drugs

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, Cheech and Chong, D.A.M.P., drug use, films, labels, mental health, stereotypes

Scene from Up In Smoke

Recently, I read an account where the author witnessed a man walking down the street, seemingly on drugs. When I challenged the author as to whether or not it was clear that the man was on drugs and not just mentally ill, the response was that the man was heading straight for the building where addicts are given free methadone. Okay, in this case, the man was more than likely on drugs.

While I freely admit that I was wrong in the above setting, this doesn’t effect my frustration at an accusation that is hurled with great speed at people who suffer from metal illnesses. That they must ‘obviously’ be on drugs. I know this to be true because I often had this accusation thrown at me, though it didn’t help that back in the intolerant times of 80s Regan America, I committed such fashion crimes like having long hair and wearing Native American moccasin boots. So in the eyes of most people, that, with my supposedly weird behaviour, I must have been on drugs.

I loved these boots and wore them most of the time

Nowadays, the “that person must be on drugs” label is used to describe anyone who appears to be acting out of the normal. Conditions such as Asperger’s Syndrome, Autism, DAMP and other metal health related ones simply don’t enter into it. The conclusion is that person is simply on drugs and it is used as an excuse to ward off any arguments to the contrary.

Let me tell you people that all of the above conditions are real! Many people have them and it has been estimated that one quarter of the population have some sort of mental illness and many of them aren’t on drugs, at least illegal ones anyway. The ones they are on are prescribed by their doctor to try to counteract said illness or at least lessen the symptoms. So next time you are in a public place and see someone who is acting in a non-normal way, give that person the benefit of the doubt. Sure, they may be under the influence of drugs or alcohol but there is more of a chance that they are suffering from a mental illness. Show them some compassion and be less quicker to judge.

Shameless link to He Was Weird alert. Mark was aged ten to thirteen in the story and going from my own experiences, I wasn’t considered to be on drugs then, just weird. Therefore, the issue doesn’t feature in it. However, this doesn’t excuse those who tormented him or me on account of said weirdness.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1531213271&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Do I Feel Like An A***ole?

Tags

American football, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, D.A.M.P., friendship, mental health, Self Esteem, stereotypes, victimization

The reason I ask this question is based on an event from the past week. What happened was that one of my American Football officiating colleagues phoned me up and asked if we could swap games. Normally, I would have genuinely done so until he told me where his game was at. This made me hesitate because going to the new venue would have added about 60 miles round trip to my journey. Furthermore, I officiated a game there a few years earlier and it was the journey from hell. Therefore, I told him I would think about it.

Well, I did think about it and though he tried to give me alternatives that would make swapping seem attractive, I declined to swap and cited other reasons. Most important, I would have been given up the opportunity to officiate two games to travel further to do one. Because of work, I only get to officiate games every three to four weeks so for me, the more games I can get, the better. Second, the second game of the double header starts at the same time as the single game, so I would have been home later. Neither I or my wife want me being out too late, although the flip side is now I have to leave an hour and a half earlier but that’s not so bad. In the end, my colleague seemed to accept my reasons and was quite gracious about it.

In spite of all of the above, part of me feels like I am being a complete asshole towards this other guy. These thoughts arise from my past, when I did say no, there was someone out there to make me out to be the bad guy because I did. Furthermore, some of these were the same people who used to manipulate me because I was easy to do so. They didn’t get their way this time, so they made it all my fault, like I was being unreasonable. The problem was that with my Asperger’s and DAMP, I believed they were right and I was being some unreasonable asshole, when in reality, I wasn’t.

This feeling has plagued me throughout my life and is born of the belief that I am always wrong and combined with self doubt, for most of my life, I have thought that whatever I do, whichever decision I make, it’s going  to be wrong! If I stand up for myself and say no, in spite of having good reasons for doing so, I am wrong and if I give in and say yes, then I allow myself to be taken advantage of. The result has been not good for my mental well being and led for my feelings of self victimization for many years.

So, not that I need reassurances although it is good to get them, am I being an asshole for refusing to swap games? I don’t think so. I could go as far as to say the only reason he wanted to swap was that he wanted to officiate two games himself without having to travel. However, while that might be the case, I won’t question anyone’s motives if I don’t need to. I know what it’s like to have that happen. All I’m saying is that after giving it thought, I decided not to swap games and stay on the game I was assigned to. If people think I’m being an asshole on account of that, then that’s their problem.

I can’t say if I touch on the subject in “He Was Weird” but the bullying in it was so bad, it wouldn’t have mattered. To buy the book, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1527526540&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird