Tags
So I play and I plan and hope and I scheme
To the lure of a night filled with unfinished dreams
And I’m holding on tight to a world gone astray
As they charge me for years I can no longer pay.
17 Friday May 2024
Posted Uncategorized, music
inTags
So I play and I plan and hope and I scheme
To the lure of a night filled with unfinished dreams
And I’m holding on tight to a world gone astray
As they charge me for years I can no longer pay.
13 Monday May 2024
Posted books, Bullying, Parents, Uncategorized
inTags
anxiety, books, bullying, children, films, He Was Weird, relationships
Ponder is what Sean did, not just for the evening but for the rest of that week. He also tried to read signals form Chloe when she and Estelle sat with them for lunch.and on the school playground after they ate. She always seemed to be looking at him and always smiling. After a few more days of pondering and another conversation with Mom, he decided to simply talk to her.
From then on, Sean made it a point to invite Chloe and Estelle to sit with them at lunchtimes, none of the boys objected. He also made sure he sat next to Chloe. Estelle seemed to sense this and was happy to assist. When not disttracted by the other guys talking about subjects of their interest, Sean would start up a conversation with Chloe.
There was a sweet innocence about her which Sean found quite appealing. In some ways, she was like a little girl. She loved watching “Spongebob Squarepants” and told about her big doll house. This gave Sean the confidence to divulge that he liked building spacecrafts with Lego. Chloe finding that cool lessened his worries that ever since Jeremy’s betrayal, his former friend would spill the secret to his bullies. With Chloe, he began to feel he could tell her most anything.
Sean enjoyed spending his lunchtimes with Chloe and was glad that the rest of the group were so accommodating. It led Sam to comment, “We need to have more girls in our group.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Estelle responded. “But girls either don’t realise or like to admit that they are being bullied. As Mrs. Hinton pointed out last year, girl bullies are more coniving.”
“I know a girl who’s being bullied,” Stewart identified. “Her name is Nancy Flowers and some of the girls in sixth grade really give her a hard time.”
“Invite her to come to our next meeting,” Sean suggested rather authoritively.
While things seemed to be going well with Chloe, Sean started thinking about his next move. He wasn’t sure how to take things further and he sorely wanted to do that. His answer came on the Saturday, when he went with Scott, Sam and Arnie to see the latest “Transformers” movie. During the ads for upcoming films, there was one for an upcoming movie from the creators of “Minions.” He remembered that Chloe really like the Minions so this presented him with a golden opportunity. He would ask Chloe to the movie.
On the Monday, it took every ounce of determined discipline for Sean to coneal his excitement over asking Chloe out. While nothing was going to stop that determination, Sean feared what grief he and Chloe might get from the other kids, especially Eddie and the rest of those bullies. None of them needed to know what went on in his personal life.
Sean sat with his four friends at the normal spot for lunch. He made sure that there was a place for Chloe to sit when she arrived. His anticipation grew as he scanned the children coming into the gym for lunch. Seeing Estelle got his hopes up but those hopes were dashed when she came over to them minus Chloe.
Estellle must have sensed Sean’s disappointment because as soon as she sat down, she volunteered, “Chloe’s not in school today, she’s home sick.”
“Oh,” was all Sean could say, doing his best to hide his disappointment.
Sean managed to keep a lid on his feelings for the rest of the Monday and he had to dig really deep to do the same when Chloe was still home sick on Tuesday. If she had been home on the Wednesday, he might have lost it but to his delight, Chloe was back in school. He couldn’t hide his feelings of joy when she sat down next to him at lunch.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he offered.
After a taking a bite from her sandwich and a few chews Chloe responded, “Yeah, I had a bad tummy but I’m all better now.”
“Good,” Sean returned. He went back to eating lunch but a few minutes later, he stated, “There’s a new Minions movie coming out.”
“I want to see it,” Chloe responded.
Siezing his chance, Sean struck. “The movie’s coming to Ramsgate this weekend, would you like to go see it with me?”
“Yes,” came Chloe’s excited reply.
Seeing the excited look on both of their faces, Estelle chimed in, “You two are going to have a good time.” Her success at having played matchmaker pleased her deeply.
Mom was really pleased when Sean told her of his stepping up and asking Chloe out. She even assisted with the logisitcs for their big evening. Tara spoke with Chloe’s mom and said that she would take care of transport. Apparently, the two mothers had a nice long friendly chat and afterwards, Tara informed Sean, “It appears that Chloe thinks you’re some kind of hero because you stood up the the girl who had been bullying her.”
To buy the first He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1COR3FQTHDC5G&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.OGhwgR76a-L5eGg2hJoQmXZ8beTHK4XuY-4OBTNGbE8.h0R14uD71dQoXlX7bbV8wRiYSpz2JYQFBnjAtXn911E&dib_tag=se&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1715600029&s=books&sprefix=he+was+we%2Cstripbooks%2C181&sr=1-1
10 Friday May 2024
Posted music, Uncategorized
inTags
I never wanted to know, never wanted to see
I wasted my time till time wasted me
Never wanted to go, always wanted to stay
Cause the person I am are the parts that I play.
07 Tuesday May 2024
Posted books, Bullying, films, Travel, Uncategorized
inTags
Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, fiction, Mormons, religion, science, Time Travel
Time travel has always fascinated me. The idea of travelling back and forth through time witnessing historical events and seeing what the future holds is an amazing one. In fact, many many years go, I had started writing a story involving time travel. In my story, a fanatical evangelistic minister goes back in time to try to stop the assassination of Mormon founder Joseph Smith. The minister believes that if Smith hadn’t died the way he did, he wouldn’t have become a martyr and the Mormon faith would have died out. Sounds a bit rubbish, doesn’t it?
Since I started Peaceful Rampage, I have not held back on my bullying experiences and the effects it had on me. I still suffer from intrusive thoughts on account of it. Therefore, why not write a story combining bullying with time travel? The concept is quite simple, someone who was badly bullied as a child invents time travel when they become an adult. Using this new discovery, they go back in time to times when their bullying was its worst and get revenge on those bullies.
While there is scope for a good story, there are a few questions that would be needed to be addressed when I write it. First, now being an adult, would the former victim use physical violence on the bullies who would still be children? It could go even worse with the idea of using a gun or other weapon to meet out the revenge. It could turn the story rather horrific, especially with my overactive imagination. With an adult assaulting children, the police would be involved but could they ever catch the revenge seeker? I’m already thinking of a non-detectable device which would allow that person to escape. Already, the possibilities are numerous.
The biggest question is how the avenger always coming to the aid of a child being bullied effect the child in question. The kid wouldn’t know it was an adult version of him or herself. Would the child begin to think they were unassailable and begin bullying others? Again, there is lots to think about here.
If you are reading this, please let me know your thoughts. Is this a plausible story or is it further proof of my insanity? Note: it would be a few years before I begin working on it as I want to finish my sequel to “He Was Weird.”
04 Saturday May 2024
Posted music, Uncategorized
inTags
When the crowds are gone and I’m all alone
Playing the final song now that the lights are gone
Turn them on again
One more time for me my friend
Turn them on again.
29 Monday Apr 2024
Posted books, Bullying, Uncategorized
inTags
books, bullying, friendship, He Was Weird, relationships, schools
As weeks turned into months, Sean began to relax more. He had established a genuine friendship with Scott and the two seventh graders, Arnie and Sam. However, one day after school, Estelle got him on his own. “Do you know Chloe really likes you?”
“She does?” Sean responded in surprise.
“Yes she does. I thought you might have noticed that when she gave you that big hug at the first meeting,” Estelle identified.
“I always thought it was because of what I did to Klimkowski,” Sean returned.
“That might be part of it,” Estelle admitted, “But don’t you notice how she sits near you at the meetings and why she nominated you for president? What you did to Klimkowski made you a hero in her eyes but she really likes you and thinks you’re cute.”
“Oh,” was all Sean could muster as he tried to take it all in.
“Besides,” Estelle continued, “I hear the other girls talk and they all thing you’re a sicko because of what you did to Klimkowski.”
“Do you think I’m a sicko?” Sean asked in all honesty.
“No, I think you’re a nice guy and I loved how you put Klimkowski in her place. She’s nothing but a bully. As for me, I’m a Leversee Lady.”
“A what lady?” Sean inquired.
A Leversee Lady,” Estelle reiterated and further explained, “Leversee Ladies are devoted fans of Mark Leversee.”
“What the kid who shot up this school?” Sean’s puzzlement plain to see.
“Yep, I think if I had known him ten years ago, I would have been able to help him. But do think about what I said about Chloe. She really likes you.”
“Okay, I will,” Sean reassured before they parted company. The conversation gave him a lot to think about. However, when he got home, his thoughts weren’t on Chloe’s crush. His thoughts on what Estelle had said about the Leversee Ladies and he wanted to know more. As soon as he put his books down, he fired up the computer, which couldn’t warm up fast enough. When it was ready, he immediately went to Google and typed in “Leversee Ladies.”
What he found completely astounded Sean. Here was a complete website dedicated to Mark Leversee, the boy who eleven years earlier, went into Sean’s school with a gun and killed seventeen kids and wounded twenty-eight more before turning the gun on himself.
First, he read the ‘Welcome to the Stite,’ piece which was written by a woman named Lisa Farmer, who met Mark Leversee at a summer camp the year before he carried out his atrocity. She remembered what a great boy he was and how they both found comfort in each other’s arms that week. Her main regret was that she wished she hadn’t live so far away from Mark because they would have been a support for one another. She concluded by stating how Mark’s actions gave her the courage to fend off her bullies and suggested that girl and boy victims of bullying should get together so they can support each other.
As he read further, he was even more surprised by the large number of women and girls who followed the site. At that particular moment, the total number of followers was at 54,391. He began reading the comments of some of the followers. A fifteen year old girl from Louisiana wrote, “I wish I had known Mark, I would have been a great comfort to him.”
There was a more darker comment by a fourteen year old girl from North Dakota, “I know what it’s like to be bullied that bad. If I had been with you, Mark, I would be been by your side helping you shoot all those nasty kids. After that we would have made passionate love by the dead bodies.” Sean saw that Lisa responded, “He was a good kisser and very comfortable to lay on.” All Sean could think of at that moment, “Are they for real?” All he heard about over the past eleven years was what a psycho madman Mark Leversee had been.
Then a sixteen year old girl from France, after her comments were translated to English, commented, “We don’t have bullying like that in France, Mark could have came to my town and I would have held him in my arms.”
After that, he skimmed over a number of other comments. There were some negative comments as well saying that Mark was a lying psycho but each comment was responded by the Leversee faithful who defended their hero, some even hurled abuse at the poster. Finally, he came to his objective, the comment by a Seagirl12NJ whom he guessed to be Estelle. She wrote, “I live in Ramsgate, New Jersey and I know what Mark Leversee went through. Ever since it happened, people here have been trying to play the bullying part down but the bullyng still goes on here.”
Reading about the Leversee Ladies made Sean think more about what Estelle had told him about Chloe and the other girls at school. He had to admit, he enjoyed Chloe’s tight embrace and sure, she might have had Downs Syndrome but that didn’t make her unattractive. He also thought about what Estelle had told him about the other girls at school thinking he was a sick pervert because of what happened with Stacy Klimkowski. All the muddle made his head spin, therefore, he decided to talk with the one person he knew he could go to.
“Mom, can I talk to you?” Sean asked when he found his mother in the living room.
“Sure, what is it?” Mother inquired, her voice being forever reassuring.
“There is this girl in school who likes me,” Sean informed.
Mother smiled at her son, “Oh, do you like her?”
“I think so, I’m not really sure,” he confessed.
“Well tell me more about her, what’s her name?” Mother instructed.
“Her name is Chloe Levin, she’s a seventh grader and she’s in the Helping Hands group with me.
Mother further probed, “How do you know she likes you?”
“Another girl in the group told me,” Sean imparted. “But she always sits near me at the meetings and she was the one who nominated me as president of the group. At the first meeting, she came up to me and gave me a hug because I stood up to the Klimkowski girl.”
“Well, why aren’t you sure if you like her or not?” Mother continued.
“Because I only found out today.”
“Oh,” Mother realized. “Do you think she’s pretty or does she have a nice personality?”
“I guess so,” Sean shrugged. She seems nice but she does have Downs Syndrome.”
“What does that matter?” Mother fired back. “It’s no matter if she’s got Downs Syndrome or five heads, it’s what you think of her and if you are worried about what people might think because you like this girl, then don’t worry. It’s they who have the problem.”
With these words of wisdom to ponder, Sean thanked his mother and went off to think about what she had said.
26 Friday Apr 2024
Posted music, Uncategorized
inTags
All my friends have been crucified
They made life a long suicide true
Guess we never figured out the rules.
But I’m still alive and my fingers feel
I’m gonna play on till the final reel’s through
And read the credits from a different view.
22 Monday Apr 2024
Posted books, Bullying, School Shootings, Uncategorized
inTags
Americans, books, bullying, Colorado, Columbine, He Was Weird, Jello Biafra, Jodi Piccoult, Joe Biden, obsessions, school shootings
This past weekend marked the quarter century anniversary of an event which will go down in infamy. Needless to say, I’m talking about the shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado which took place on April 20, 1999. This school shooting has been etched in so many minds over the years, there’s no need to go over the details. Plenty of people have already done that, including President Biden. What I’m going to do is reflect on how it effected me personally.
One of those effects, although not directly a result from Columbine, is whenever a school shooting happened, my first response was, “This could have been me.” Like the two shooters, during that three year bullying hell I suffered, I was made to feel an outcast. Branded weird by my classmates and lazy by teachers, who ignored my bullying claims or even sided with the bullies! Even worse, some teachers exacerbated the bullying. If my experiences hadn’t been a quarter century before the infamous shooting and I had access to guns, who’s to say I wouldn’t have carried out my own version of Columbine. Fortunately, those things weren’t in place and I’m as glad as hell for that.
Instead what all of this did was encourage me to write about my experiences in my book, “He Was Weird.” In that story, the main character goes through much of the torment I went through and as a result, he does shoot up his school. One reader fed back to me that you can actually feel the protagonist pouring out all his hate when he carries out the shooting and that’s what it did for me, I poured out all my hate onto the pages of my book and now that hate is spent. But I might not have done so had it not been for Columbine. A weird predicament, don’t you think?
One really good speech about Columbine came from former Dead Kennedys singer and now a political and social commentator, Jello Biafra. He very eloquently shoots down the myths like music, especially Marilyn Manson, and violent video games being what drove the shooters to kill. He brings up other factors like bullying jocks getting a free pass and patted on the head for bullying undesirables. I know that experience all to well. Like Columbine, the town and school in question was a darkly conservative rich kids one. I wasn’t rich and I’m definitely not Conservative. Mr. Biafra hit the nail on the head as far as I’m concerned. Going off track for one second, I think if Jill Stein is going to run for president again as the Green Party candidate, she should choose Jello Biafra as her vice presidential running mate. I’d vote for them! I tried to post a snippet of said speech but the internet isn’t having it. In any case, the speech was so influential on me that I included him in my “Special Thanks” section of the book.
Speaking of books, the Columbine shooting has had such an impact on the literary world that school shootings has become its own genre. There are at least 50 books, including mine, which are about school shootings, some written by well known authors such as Jodi Picoult . While I know what drove me to write a book on the subject, I’m curious as to what would make others write about it.
The 25th anniversary of the Columbine shooting has come and gone and the question asked, “Has it changed anything?” Well, it seems to have influenced more school shooters and the US government is still dithering over the subject of gun control. Furthermore, to some, the two Columbine shooters have become folk heroes in their eyes. There is even an online group called, “The Columbiners,” where young women pour their hearts out over the shooters. I’ve jumped on that in a sense because in the sequel to “He Was Weird,” which I am working on, there is a group called the ‘Leversee Ladies’ who pour out their love for the shooter in my story. Therefore, I can only wonder how much effect Columbine will have a quarter century from now.
18 Thursday Apr 2024
Posted music, Uncategorized
inTags
Where’s the light, turn them on again
One more night to believe and then
Another note for my requiem
A memory to carry on
The story’s over when the crowds are gone.
15 Monday Apr 2024
Posted Autism, books, Bullying, Story Settings, Uncategorized
inFor the rest of the week, following Jeremy’s betrayal and defection to the enemy, Sean kept up his vigilance. At lunchtimes, he ate with Scott and the two seventh graders. Sometimes, they were joined by Estelle and Chloe. In the playground, all of the Helping Hands congregated together and moved around as one. While this brought a feeling of safety to all, It didn’t completely chase all of Sean’s anxieties away. A few times, he passed Stacy Klimkowski in the hall and each time, she gave him the nastiest of looks. On a couple of occasions, when he passed Eddie and his cronies, Eddie would punch his hand in a threatening gesture. As a result, Sean didn’t feel particularly safe.
He thought about relaying his fears to Miss Snyder but concluded he didn’t have enough evidence and would be labelled paranoid. So, he kept his thoughts to himself as he strode into the Helping Hands meeting on the following Monday.
As ususal, Miss Snyder greeted everyone with her usual warm smile and then got straight down to business. Pointing to a new body in the room, a sixth grade boy whose whole demeanor screamed, ‘bullying victim,’ on account of him being overweight and sporting extra thick glasses, she introduced, “This is Stewart, who will be joing the group.”
The entire group gave the new arrival a warm ‘hello’ and he squeaked a ‘hello’ back. Stewart sat back down and Miss Snyder continued. “I think the first thing we need to do is elect a president for the group. The president’s main job would be to chair meetings when I can’t be here. They would also be your point of contact should you experience or observe any bullying and they will be the one who can come to me on your behalf. Do we have any nominations?”
“Sean,” Chloe suddenly blurted out.
Sean immediately looked at the teacher whose eyes lit up at the suggestion. “Okay, we have a nomination for Sean Vandeventer. Any others?”
“I second Sean’s nomination,” Scott suddenly put forward.
Before anything else was said the sevemth grader next to Scott blurted out, “I vote for Sean.”
“Me too,” Estelle called out.
Sean looked arounnd the room. Everyone was nodding in agreement, even the newest member.
“I guess it’s unanimous,” Miss Snyder laughed out loud. Then in a more serious tone announced, “Sean, you’re the president of the Helping Hands.”
At first, Sean was very anxious over his new role as president but as the weeks went on, those anxieties waned. It helped the Miss Snyder was at every Monday meeting. Not that there was much to talk about because noone experienced any real bullying, at least not enough to bring it up. However, something in Sean’s mind told him not to relax too much.
It also seemed that everyone in Helping Hands appeared to look up to Sean. He didn’t know whether to be flattered or concerned. Definitely, the latter when one day, Eddie called out, “I hear you’re the president of the ‘Pussy Patrol’ or should I say the Helping Handjobs. I bet you all get gay together.”
Sean didn’t have time for ignorance like this, he simply walked off as Eddie’s two stooges burst out laughing. Then John added, “He must be gay because all he can do is come on girls.” This brought more laughter and Sean could feel himself boiling with pent up anger. Suddenly, he turned around and angrily answered back, “I bet if we all did get gay together, you’d all want to join.”
A brief fear of physical harm entered Sean’s mind but at that moment, he didn’t particularly care. Eddie’s warning rang out, “Watch out Vandeventer or you’re dead!” In spite of that, no physical altercation ever came.