Do Teachers Ever Encourage Bullying?

Tags

academic achievement, bullying, schools, Self Esteem, social settings, teachers, teasing

At first reaction, this supposition may appear ludicrous. After all, teachers are supposed to support victims of bullying and stamp out this evil practice wherever it rears its ugly head. However, while they may not intend to encourage bullying, (I have never heard a teacher tell pupils to bully another) but sometimes their actions or lack of action may actually encourage it. I know it to be true, I experienced this personally back in my youth.

It started when I moved to a new school early in fifth grade. The class teacher was very old fashioned and had little patience for someone like me who displayed Asperger’s like tendencies. I was expected to fit into the programme straight away and it never occurred to her that this instant baptism by fire would have disastrous effects. It only got worse after she moved me to the very front of the class, I’m talking up against the blackboard, so she couldn’t see me. Then there was the box. I was put into a large box, normally used for punishment back then but the teacher thought it would help my learning. I think it was so she couldn’t see me.

True, my condition made me a target for bullies to begin with but the other children in the class quickly picked up on the fact that I seemed to be the teacher’s punching bag. They drew great sense of amusement whenever the teacher had a go at me about anything. Of course the teacher loved to point out my mistakes to the rest of the class thus humiliating me further. Therefore, I theorize that many of the children in the class who bullied me thought they had the full support of the teacher in doing so. Come to think of it, except for one major incident, most of the time any bullying reporter to her was only sanctioned with a slap on the wrist, (not literally of course.) What made it worse was the fact that there were three or four other pupils who had behaviour problems, which she addressed accordingly. However, they were never subjected to the teasing I always got when the teacher had a go at me for something non behaviour related. I am not saying the teacher’s treatment of me caused the bullying but it certainly poured oil on the flames. It was no wonder why fifth grade was such hell for me.

Sixth grade wasn’t too bad although the bullying continued. Seventh grade was just as hellacious as fifth grade, worse in one respect. I had two teachers who seemed to have it in for me and while individually they weren’t nearly as bad as my fifth grade teacher, it was bad enough. My maths teacher patronised me for not understanding percentages or when I failed to hand in homework when my book got stolen and the science teacher loved to remind me to get back on task whenever I drifted off, which was an easy thing to do when you have DAMP. Needless to say, the bullying increased many fold. It was almost a miracle that I managed to pass the year with straight C’s.

There was one instance where non action also encouraged bullying and it’s stereotypical. When I went out for basketball in seventh grade, I was doing suicide drills with the eighth graders standing near by. They interfered with my participation in the drill by tripping me and pushing me against the wall. However, when I told the basketball coach who was also the science teacher, he shrugged it off telling me not to worry about it. This gives further weight to the belief that jocks in schools get away with bullying because those who coach them won’t do anything.

My conclusion is that the teachers didn’t openly encourage me to be bullied back then but the way they handled some things in regards to me encouraged many of my bullies to do so. Now someone may be reading this and give the cop out excuse that it was handled back then, forty years ago but that doesn’t make it right and I still bear the emotional scars from it. My next posts will highlight such instances outlined in my book “He Was Weird” as well as other books I have read on the subject starting with the most known one by Jodi Picoult.

To buy He Was Weird, go to http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411499217&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

Bullies and Unintended Offence

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bullying, He Was Weird, social settings, taking offence, teasing

 

Once again, I have found something to post about other than the topic advertised at the end of my previous post. I hope none of you work for the FCC. Like with many of the subjects I cover here on Peaceful Rampage, the initial post often opens up avenues for additional posts on the subject. Sometimes it opens up a can of worms inside my mind in regards to issues of my past but the best thing about writing about them is after it’s all done, the can gets chucked in the bin. Well, maybe not in the bin, I live in Stroud in Gloucestershire where they’re very big on recycling.

The same thing happened with my last post, “Unintended Offence.” Not long after it was written, I realise I made no link with my book, “He Was Weird” and that was the whole point of writing it. However, as I reflect on the story, I can’t think of any occasion where Mark unintentionally offends anyone. Of course, in his case, his bullies don’t need any perceived offence to bully him. They just do it anyway.

Unlike Mark in “He Was Weird,” taking offence is a tactic often employed by bullies. In the bully’s case, it can be anything, in fact the victim might not even be talking to the bully at the time. The bully just uses what was said as an excuse to further torment the victim. It is often the case when the bully is teasing the victim and the victim makes a teasing remark back, often harmless and often the case had it been anyone other than the victim, the bully would have laughed it off. But because it was the victim and the bully can’t have the victim stand up for themselves in any way, the bully makes the victim pay.

Effects from this type of bullying can be even more devastating to the victim. Apart from the usual crushing of self esteem, the victim is now afraid to say anything around the bully in case it “offends” the bully who then launches into an onslaught. I am speaking from my own experience from my youth here. What was worse was often times, I got blamed for the bullying I was receiving when it was in fact the bully who instigated it. How to stop it is the question. It is more difficult that it sounds, especially if the bully surrounds himself with friends who are more than willing to corroborate his side of the story. Oh, that’s another ingredient to the pot. This kind of bullying is also often used when an objective of the bullying is to impress friends. What needs to happen is that like all forms of bullying, the pretend taking offence bullying also needs to be moved into the light and dealt with.

Next post: Teachers and Bullying, I hope

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410894410&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

Unintended Offense

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, friendship, Gender, insults, race relations, relationships, sexism, social settings, stereotypes, taking offence, teasing

Once again, I know this wasn’t the subject I said I was going to post about but please no one sue me for false advertising because I thought the subject I am posting now is more relevant. We’ve all done it, we’ve all offended someone when we had no intention of doing so. I know that I have done it. In fact, I have done it so much in my younger life that it has become a constant worry for me and it has made me fearful of saying anything at all because I believe I am going to say the wrong thing and end up offending someone I clearly had no intention of offending.

I am not the only one in this boat, it is a common thread among people who have Asperger’s Syndrome. However, most people see those with Asperger’s who go the other extreme. Those who lack regard for what they say and speak what is on their mind fair or foul. They lack the social skills to understand why what they said was offensive and why the person they have offended now wants to kick their ass. It is these Asperger’s sufferers who come to the minds of most people in this situation.

There is another camp which many others and I fall into. We’re the ones who, in the past, said something that has offended someone without intending to do and now we worry that we have or are going to say something unintentionally offensive again. This is why when you meet someone like me, they’re not so outgoing and why they might not be so talkative. We’re afraid we are going to offend you.

For me, it went well beyond the normal. When interacting with persons of other races I feared saying something that might be construed as racist. It was even worse when interacting with women. One of my big fears was saying something complimentary to a woman I didn’t know or hardly knew was going to be seen as a chat up line or even sexist. I was once called that by a man because I complimented a woman for having nice legs. The result of all of this is it left me thinking that whatever I said was going to be wrong and there was a good chance I was going to offend somebody. Therefore, I concluded that it would be best if I kept my big mouth shut.

For all my fears, I now realise that it’s not always the fault of the speaker in these situations. Over my half century of existence, I have met many a person of all races, backgrounds and both genders who will take offense at anything. Many of these have Asperger’s too and it’s the tendency of people with it to take everything said literally. On the other hand, there are a few who are just jerks and want to make an issue out of anything. That only further fuels the fires of my anxieties and left me not wanting to interact with such people. My belief that I was always in the wrong didn’t help with such people either. It took me a long time to realise that it wasn’t always me.

Like many things with my life, it has taken years of painful trial and error to help me cope with this. Still, it will never go away as just last week I thought I might have offended someone I was actually meaning to compliment. That fear will never totally go away and I wish there was some magic formula I could pass onto others so they won’t have to go through what I had to. Unfortunately there isn’t. My way of coping is whenever I am going to say something, I ask myself, “Is what I am about to say really going to offend anyone and how would I react if it was said to me?” That might not work for everyone but it’s my best way of coping with it.

Next post: Teachers and Bullying (Unless another worthy subject comes to mind)

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410178354&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

You’re an Asshole, For Standing Up For Yourself

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, blogs, bullying, guilt, He Was Weird, Self Esteem

 

Another post that I was inspired to write after reading a post on the blog “Rose With Thorns.” The author, Anna Rose Meads and I don’t mean to embarrass her, is a remarkable young woman in the sense that she is thirty years my junior and has an insight on life that has taken me many more years to obtain. If I had the insight she has when I was her age, I wouldn’t have so many mental and emotional scars. In the year and a quarter I have been writing Peaceful Rampage, she has given me inspiration for several of my posts. Once again, thank you Anna.

Back between the ages of six and eight, I had these supposed friends who used to bully me by winding me up and watching me explode. They would tease me or push me around or call me names. I would get wound up and eventually explode and lash out in many ways, swearing, throwing my glasses or even objects like trash cans. The result was me being blamed for the entire incident, I was the one causing trouble. The part my aggressors played would either be denied or ignored and therefore, I was branded the troublemaker of the neighbourhood when in actuality, I was the victim trying to stand up for myself.

There is a strong argument that it wasn’t the fact that I stood up for myself that got me branded a troublemaker, it was the way in which I did it. I freely admit that I went over the top and throwing trash cans wasn’t the right way to deal with the problem. However, I was seven back then and my bullies were older so I didn’t know any other way. Saying that, while my reaction to the problem was certainly an over reaction, it doesn’t take away the fact that I was the one being victimised in the first place and my over reaction should not have detracted from this fact.

Since that time, I have learned how to deal with the problem in a more civilised way but it didn’t make the problem go away. There have been many times when I responded to an instance of bullying or intended bullying and made out to be the bad guy for standing up to the bullying. One case I remember was when I was working in a factory, a few people who I worked with and didn’t get along with engaged in what I call the most cowardly type of bullying practice. It is when someone makes a comment about you from a distance, you know it was them but when you address the comment, they deny all involvement. These people would call me “wimp” from a distance but one day they did it when I was a bit closer to them in very low voices but loud enough for me to hear it. So, I turned around and asked them, “Why do you think I’m a wimp?” The main agitator immediately screamed out “What?” like I was making the whole thing up and of course his little minions backed him up. It shut them up but I was the one who was made out to be the troublemaker asshole.

For someone with Asperger’s or suspected Asperger’s in my case, this can have an adverse effect on the victim’s mind. In my case, it has given my the notion of “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” and in any case, I am the one who ends up looking bad even if I was the intended victim. For many years, this has been a major cause in me not standing up for myself in altercations, the fear that I’m the bad guy no matter what I do.

It has taken me many years to finally figure that bullies themselves use this as a tool. If they make their victim look like the bad guy when they try to stand up to bullying, they are only going to be encourage to bully more. In my case, I have come to the conclusion that people will believe what they want to believe and if a few misguided individuals want to think someone is an asshole for standing up to bullying, then they are the assholes. (God, I’m using that word more than I intended) If there is danger of trouble because the incident has been wrongly relayed to a person in authority, then it’s paramount that the victim gets their version of events in too, even if the person doesn’t want to hear it. I’ve had lots of problems there too so I’m speaking from experience.

In “He Was Weird,” Mark only has one instance where he is looked upon as the troublemaker when he was the original victim. Unfortunately, like me of old, he responds to the bullying by throwing food at the bullies and that gets him into serious trouble. Especially with the teacher who is convinced he is a troublemaker anyway. Responding in the correct way is also important here so it’s best that the victim keeps their cool while making sure their side of the story is heard. Victims of bullying should never be made to be the bad guy when they are clearly not.

Next post: Teachers and Bullying

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409743299&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird