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Monthly Archives: October 2019

Focusing on the Negative

30 Wednesday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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usmc

Back when I was serving in the US Marines, I remember my first company commander saying right before our battalion air alert inspection, “It takes 1,000 ‘at a boys’ to make up for one ‘ah shit.'” Even then, I knew exactly what he was talking about. People will remember the negative things you do much more than the positive. I have found this to be true, not only when I was serving in the marines, but in life in general.

One of the things I experienced as a youth and tried to convey in my book, “He Was Weird,” was the frustration one can have when people are quick to condemn you when you do something wrong but even quicker to ignore when you do something well. Like, Mark in the story, I experienced this quite a lot. In sports, I was usually one extreme or the other. I would make a great play one second then the next, make an absolute stinker of a play. No prizes given for which one people remembered more.

Unfortunately, I had the same experience with my mother when it came to school. It didn’t seem to matter that I got A’s in Spelling and Handwriting and B’s in Math and a couple of other subjects. She went on and on about the D I got in something called Work Habits. If I had known what that was, I would have done something more to improve on it. What I learned here was that focusing on the negative while ignoring the positive won’t necessarily make someone improve on the negative. At least not without some feedback as to what was wrong in the first place.

While people tend to focus more on the negative, my experiences have made me focus on it even more. This negative focus has led me to become extremely actions in many situations. Like last week’s post on supply teaching for example, a few cases of negative feedback has now left me second guessing myself at times. Obviously, there are many other instances in my life where that has happened, and with anyone who has Asperger’s Syndrome, it’s a potential minefield.

Working with persons whose Asperger’s Syndrome, I know how difficult it is for them to cope. One thing I must do is to give these people constant reassurance. Often times, like me, they have had experiences which focused on the negative so they might not realize the positive. It’s my job to point out the positive to them. Saying that, I think we all need that reassurance from time to time. If it had been the case in my early life, I wouldn’t have the anxieties I had in the past.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1572470948&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song Lyric Quote: Rush- Spirit of the Radio

28 Monday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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Everyone likes to believe in the freedom of music

But glimmering prizes and endless compromises

Shatter the illusion of integrity

Song Lyric Quote: Evanescence- Bring Me To Life

26 Saturday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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Wake me up inside, wake me up inside

Call my name and save me from the dark

Bid my blood to run, before I come undone

Save me from the nothing I’ve become.

Supply Teaching Anxieties

23 Wednesday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

untitled

For the past two weeks, I have been having anxieties over work as a supply (substitute) teacher. Two weeks ago, I was very anxious about a school I went to would provide the agency which sent me there negative feedback. As of this post, I have not been told of any feedback from the school. As an added bonus, the SEN school I went to has had me back and wants me there after the half term break next week. While I am delighted about this, the anxieties of not so positive past experiences still circle around my brain waiting to play havoc with it.

In the past, there have been instances which contributed to my anxieties. Quite a few years back, one manager of an agency I no longer work for stated that supply teaching had become ruthless. In some ways, he was right. There are schools out there who will refuse to have a supply teacher back at the smallest issue. It could be that the headteacher happened to walk by the classroom at the wrong time, saw one pupil not engaged on the task and used that one snap shot moment to conclude that the supply teacher wasn’t any good. That manager even told me that one head wouldn’t have a supply teacher back because the head simply didn’t like the teacher. Can anyone else see where this might lead?

While I can’t say I experienced any of those scenarios, I have had some things happen which not only made my anxieties worse, I thought were a bit unfair. In one instance, the class I was teaching was reading the story, “How To Write Badly” and was to write instructions as to how to do something badly. For instance, football (soccer) enthusiastic boys wrote instructions on how to miss a penalty kick. However, one boy wrote about how to commit suicide. I thought this was a little controversial but the child was focused on the task and it wasn’t worth risking a confrontation, especially in the district where the school was. Besides, a few weeks earlier, some child wrote something far worse on a different assignment but when I showed it to the deputy head of that school, (s)he wasn’t too concerned. Anyway, this child volunteered to read his work aloud at the end of the lesson and that’s when the poo hit the fan. While he read, a teaching assistant came into the classroom and after listening to a few lines, barked that we should not be talking about suicide because it was a Catholic school. Nothing more was said the rest of the day but when the agency contacted me the following day, they informed me that the school had complained about me discussing suicide with the children, something not done at a Catholic school and didn’t want me there again. I did tell the agency my side of the story but all they did was listen, I don’t think they were interested in my side of things.

What bothered me the most was that the school could have discussed the issue with me on the day but they didn’t. I didn’t leave that day til after four o’clock because of the marking so the school had plenty of opportunity to do so but instead, chose to tell tales to the agency. This has happened to me at other schools as well. Another instance was when I raised my voice at two children who were jumping all over the furniture. The deputy head took those children out of the class for the afternoon but again, did not discuss anything with me but also chose to tell tales to the agency, stating that I was shouting at the children and that school ‘doesn’t do shouting.’

Now before anyone gets the impression I am a rubbish teacher, I must say that in the last 13 years I have worked as a supply teacher, these occurrences have been so few that I can remember them. However, the worst instance was four years ago. I went to the school and though I was warned there was some challenging behaviour in the class, I didn’t experience any. In fact, the one teaching assistant said that the class might have been better off with a male teacher. Unfortunately, the next day, the agency told me the school had given them a different story. Apparently, the teacher went to the head and said that I didn’t follow her lesson plans. That was bad enough. I mean the lesson was on an interactive whiteboard which I went word for word on. How’s that not following the plan? Here’s the kicker. The school said that I had spent the entire day plugging my book, “He Was Weird,” and even printed off and gave the children leaflets for it. This was a blatant lie! I did nothing of the sort.

Some of you on the left may be saying that I should go to my union. In the last instance, I did exactly that. However, the union came back saying that under current laws regarding supply teachers, I have no platform to complain. The union rep even ended with the patronizing statement, “That’s the case with supply teaching.” I suspect that he thought that because of the union being unable to help, but would have if I was a so-called proper teacher, I would rush out and get a full time teaching job. There are many reasons why I don’t. However, that is the case with my union, they will bend over backwards to help a teacher in a post but do nothing to help unemployed or supply teachers, hiding behind the law as their excuse for their inaction. Maybe I should have sued the school and I did consider it but another stereotype made me not go through with it. The British media would have simply painted me to be a ‘lawsuit happy’ American.

Today’s million dollar question is: If I have so much anxiety over supply teaching, why do I do it? The answer is simple. The good experiences far outweigh my bad ones. Plus I enjoy it. The extra income it brings in helps a lot too. So, I guess what this means is that I will continue to teach and do my best to control my anxieties.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2MBAGVF18U818&keywords=michael+d+lefevre&qid=1571856354&sprefix=michael+d+lef%2Cstripbooks%2C145&sr=8-3

 

 

 

Song Lyrics Quote: Iron Maiden- Hallowed Be Thy Name

19 Saturday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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I’m waiting in my cold cell when the bells begin to chime

Reflecting on my past life and it doesn’t have much time

Cause at five o’clock, they take me to the gallows pole, yeah

The sands of time for me are running low, running low

Anxieties Came and Went, For Now

16 Wednesday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Brain-1

First of all, I’d like to thank Penny and Jess for all their positive comments on last week’s post when I was stressing over what seems to be a declining readership here on WordPress. It proved that there is still a community here on the site. Their positive feedback did go a long way to relieve some of my anxieties. However, not every one of them and that was largely down to me.

My main anxiety was from my first day of supply (substitute) teaching last week. I was anxious as hell over how the day went and for the next three days after, I was on tenderhooks worrying that I was going to get a call from the agency saying the school wasn’t happy with me and that they didn’t want me back.

As the hours passed over the three days, (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday), my anxieties lessened little by little. I tried to logic it out on Wednesday and then on Thursday that if the school had an issue with me, they would have already phoned the agency to tell them. And unlike one agency I used to work for, this agency is very good at coming back with any negative feedback and very positive feedback as well. So, by Thursday afternoon, I was getting confident that things were okay.

Then that’s when it happened! Around 2pm, while on the phone to my daughter, I get a text from the agency saying that they needed me to move schools. “That’s it,” I thought, “The school had some issue with me and didn’t want me back.” I dutifully rang the agency and my contact informed me that the reason she needed me to move schools was that there was a need to fill a vacancy at a Special Needs school and because I had been to the school before and I lots of SEN experience and it’s my preference, it was best all around if I went to that school. So, with a sigh of relief and a big ‘thank you’ from the contact, hell, her name is Becky, I went to the Special Needs school, feeling very happy and relieved and had a great day.

Anyone reading this is probably saying that I worried over nothing. That’s not true! Ask anyone with Asperger’s and they will tell you that they worry over everything, no matter how slight. In my case, I have had past experiences in supply teaching which caused me to worry about this. True, it worked out for me this time and it does in most cases but that won’t stop me from worrying next time it comes about. Telling me not to worry about it is going about it the wrong way.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_16?keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1571256795&s=books&sr=1-16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song Lyric Quote: .38 Special- Rockin’ Into the Night

13 Sunday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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Cruisin’ down the runway, got my girl by my side

We’re both a little anxious, Ooh, we got love on our minds

Waiting, anticipating for the fireworks in the night

Oh I swear we were doing 80

When we saw those motel lights.

And we were rockin’ into the night, rockin’ into the night.

Dedicated to .38 Special bass player, Larry Junstrom, who sadly passed away this week.

Song Lyric Quote: Hannah Wicklund and the Steppin’ Stones- Looking Glass

09 Wednesday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Oh we all get our point of view

From the looking glass we look through

But your lens is cracked

And it’s bleeding shades of blue

I can’t wait to see them in Bristol tomorrow night!

Anxieties Galore

08 Tuesday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

butters

Butters

Recently, I have found posting on Peaceful Rampage a bit of a chore during the past few weeks. It’s not that I have nothing to post about, I have a long list of topics and I hardly use it unless the situation dictates. That was the case with my last two posts regarding religion, LGBT and homophobic bullying. I wonder if it’s a case of WordPress not being the popular forum it once was and no one really reads posts any more. I find myself feeling the same way sometimes when I have 100 emails to get through and someone writes a long winded post, I just can’t be bothered to read it all the way through. But I do read some of every post. Maybe people feel that way towards me.

This week, I was wondering what I would post about when, as usual, something happened which drove up the anxiety levels and where flashbacks of my past came charging in. This week, I had my first day of supply (substitute) teaching. I mean proper teaching work and not the Early Years stuff I normally get. I’ve been to the school many times in the past so it I was prepared. However, the Year 6 class I had was particularly rude, talking when I was trying to teach and even going louder when they were supposed to be working. It was a challenging day.

As a result, the class didn’t get the work set completed and now I’m wondering if the school is going to blame me for it. Schools always blame the supply teacher and everyone’s, even children’s, accounts of events hold sway over those of the supply teacher. So, I’ve been waiting for a call from the agency saying the school has given me negative feedback and doesn’t want me there on Friday. Trying not to worry about it is an impossible task.

This all comes back to other related events during my teaching career. In one case, a school told the agency a pack of lies about me. I appealed to my union who stated that the law regarding supply teachers gives me no scope to complain. Maybe I should have sued. Another time, a school said I left a classroom untidy, which is now why at the end of the day, I take a photo of the classroom. This way I have a comeback if anyone complains about an untidy classroom. But I hope people can see where this leads to all the anxiety I have been having over it.

So, I guess I had something to post about this week after all. The events of this past Monday combined with all of the related issues in my past are playing havoc with my mind. Hopefully, writing this will ease my anxieties a little but probably won’t.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1570538520&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Song Lyric Quote: Dio- Mystery

06 Sunday Oct 2019

Posted by 80smetalman in Uncategorized

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When there’s thunder, there should be rain

But it don’t always follow the rule

And is the wise man always right

No, he can play the fool.

It’s always a mystery, not what it seems to be

It’s always a mystery, just like you and me!

Always a mystery.

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