I’m Speaking Out About It Now

Tags

1970s, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, He Was Weird, mental health, Mothers, schools, sexual abuse, teachers

There is a scene in my book, “He Was Weird,” which I call the “Smiley Incident.” To bring those who haven’t read it up to speed, Smiley is a substitute PE teacher at Mark’s school. While Mark is playing basketball with his fellow students, Smiley begins calling Mark, “Coordination Plus.” Then at one point, when Mark has his back to him, Smiley pulls Mark’s shorts down thus humiliating Mark in front of his entire class resulting in him getting teased about it for the rest of the day. When he goes home after school, Mark tells his mother about the pulling down of his pants. His mother and his grandfather immediately contact the police and have Smiley arrested.

As is the case with Mark throughout the story, even though Smiley pleads guilty to indecent assault as part of a deal and is banned from working with children for five years and put on the sex offenders list for two years, it doesn’t end well for him. Fellow classmates who support Smiley take the consequences he faces for his action out on the victim. This leads to Mark being further bullied and even to physical violence because he told his parents and had Smiley sent away.

Like with so many instances of bullying mentioned in the book, this too happened to me. However, it did not happen during the three years of bullying hell which I suffered and inspired me to write “He Was Weird.” In my freshman year in high school, I did encounter a man nicknamed Smiley who volunteered as an assistant wrestling coach, I’m not totally sure of that fact, at my school. He did join in with us playing basketball at one of my PE classes and he did call me ‘Coordination Plus.’ Most importantly though, he did pull my shorts down. However, I did nothing about it. In fact, I never mentioned it until 14 years ago when I was in counselling.

Why didn’t I report it back then? Well the main answer to that is that if I had, nothing would have been done about it. Attitudes were different in 1976 and while this doesn’t excuse it, it does highlight the fact that if I had reported it to the school, Smiley would have gotten a mere slap on the wrist at most and I would have been made out to be the weak ‘pussy’ for telling on him. This was why I was so easily able to write about the reprisals on Mark in the story because I genuinely feared that would have happened to me if I had reported it. I probably would have been beaten up by the wrestling team, so I feared. That’s why I never said anything. Ironically, when working as a substitute teacher a few years back, I did tell a class of children around the same age Mark was in the story about it. They overwhelmingly stated that I should have had Smiley done. Oh, how things have changed.

For those same reasons, I have never told my mother. She passed away in March never knowing that her son had been indecently assaulted in high school. I believe at the time, if I had told her, she and my grandfather would have reacted the same way Mark’s do in the story and even though it was 1976, would have tried to have Smiley prosecuted. They probably would have succeeded in getting him banned from the school. However, my fears were that all of the above things mentioned would have still happened to me. I would have been the bad guy for reporting it, even more so because I got my mother involved and there would have been a backlash. Therefore, I never told anyone. Besides if I had brought it up to my mother years later, it would have only caused her more grief, so I’m glad I never told her.

One final reason why I am only posting about it now after all these years is down to my own Asperger’s fueled anxieties. Former abuse victims have been coming out and telling about their awful experiences and I praise them highly for doing so. That leads to another anxiety; having my shorts pulled down isn’t nearly as bad as some of the sexual abuse others have suffered. Because what I experienced isn’t horrific, I felt I had no right to talk about it. It’s only now that I do and what it has done is make me even more empathetic to those who have suffered worse things than I. Also there’s my anxiety that because people are coming out about their abuse, I will be seen as simply jumping on the bandwagon. While it might sound daft, I do hope that people don’t really think that.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1543425136&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

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All Things Lead to He Was Weird

Tags

American football, Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, christianity, communication, D.A.M.P., films, friendship, Great Britain, guns, He Was Weird, ice hockey, intolerance, Marine Corps, Michael D LeFevre, Mothers, music, police, school shootings, schools, Self Esteem, social settings, teachers, teasing

My main motivation for starting Peaceful Rampage was to use it to notify people of my book, “He Was Weird,” which has been out for more than five years now. I have attracted a good number of followers, but while many have followed me because they share an interest in one area, I tend to blog about many topics which individuals may not be interested. The thing is that nearly everything I post about does in some way connect to the book. Therefore, I thought I would spend this page relating how.

Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism: This seems to be the field where I have attracted the most followers. Unlike Mark, the main character in the book, I have never been diagnosed with the condition although I am convinced that I have it. Therefore, it is great to find that there are many people who are like me. I feel part of a community and I enjoy reading posts from fellow Aspies and hope they enjoy reading mine. On the other hand, I don’t feel the need to write every post about it.

Bullying: I was a victim of horrendous bullying for three years and that was the inspiration to write “He Was Weird.” I wrote the book and this blog to reach out to other victims in the hopes that together, we can stamp out bullying and silence the ghosts of our own pasts.

School Shootings: That is how Mark finally deals with his bullying in the story. See, my bullying was so bad that whenever I read about a school shooting, my first response is, “This could have been me.” I sometimes wonder if I have a morbid fascination with mass shootings and that worries me. What I am glad is that I never had any access to guns back then.

Religion: Religion was a part of my childhood and I became a Born Again Christian at 11. As it was during the three years of bullying hell, I put it in the story and even use scripture to give Mark the courage to carry out his shooting. Nowadays, while I still believe the basics of Christianity and found that the Mormon faith was the best for me, I don’t wish to follow any organized religion. Because of my Asperger’s, I think that religion messed my head up more than everything else, most likely because I believed everything so literally. Still, I respect anyone who has religious or spiritual beliefs and can live by those beliefs.

Politics: There is not much of this in the story except at the end when the peace group Mark’s mother belongs to is infiltrated by Homeland Security. However, I have been politically aware and have been on both right and left of the political spectrum.

Music: My first book, “Rock and Roll Children” is about music so it’s always been a part of me as well. In “He Was Weird,” people try to blame Mark’s shooting on music and of course Marilyn Manson.

History: I love history and so does Mark. He becomes quite good at historical strategy games like Age of Empires. While history doesn’t  feature heavily in the book, it’s still there and it will always be a favourite topic of mine.

US-UK Relations: No I’m not talking about the ‘special relationship’ between the two countries. I am talking about the things I have observed about both countries during the second half of my life which I lived in the UK. That’s why after news of Mark’s shooting breaks, I do a BBC News report in the story. However, one thing I got wrong there is that the shooting didn’t lead the news and in reality, it would have.

Sports: I love sports, American football and ice hockey are my favourites. They are Mark’s too and like him, I had fantasies about being a great hockey player. It fits in well with the story.

There are probably smaller topics too but these are the main ones. I know not all of these will interest everyone but I hope that there is at least one that we hold your interest and make you read. However, it’s just not in my mindset to post about the same topic all the time. I just post what is in my weird mind at the time or I need to get off my chest. Keep reading as I am grateful for all who do.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1541717422&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

Help! I’m Self Harming

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, He Was Weird, self-harming

This may be the hardest post I ever write. While some may already be congratulating me for being brave in coming forward to admit I am self-harming, I am wary that it may be brushed aside as many will not consider it serious. In some people’s definition of the term, my self-harming isn’t anything that might cause serious injury. I’m not cutting or burning myself, although the other evening, I did think about slamming my finger in a door. And that brings me to my point, I am self harming.

What I am doing is whenever I make what I call a ‘stupid mistake,’ I respond by punching myself in the head. My logic being I did something stupid, I deserve a punch. When I’m typing on the computer, I slap my hand when I make too many typing mistakes. As for the finger in the door thought, I wanted to do that because I opened a spam email when I wanted to delete it. On the grand scale of things, I know that this isn’t serious to most people nor is it life threatening. However, under the definition, what I am doing is self harm.

Now you may be asking, “Why don’t you just not punch yourself in the head?” I wish it was that easy. The punches to the head usually come from out of nowhere, I’m not actually thinking of doing it, it comes as a reaction from the perceived stupid mistake I just made. What adds more fuel to the fire is that my Asperger’s mind is overloaded because of my mistake and it getting in the way of what I’m trying to accomplish. Therefore, any inward voice telling me not to punch myself is muted. I just simply am not thinking rationally at that second due to mental overload.

Naturally, I want to stop this behaviour, especially as there has been a sharp increase in the number of occurrences in the past year. Some might say I am being ridiculous here but I can’t help thinking that if I continue to self harm in this manner for more years, I will eventually end up like Muhammad Ali. That might be the far extreme but what I do know is that this self-harming isn’t good for me and I need to stop it. Saying just don’t do it doesn’t work. I need some other types of advice to get me to stop.

Shameless plug for “He Was Weird:” When writing the story, I did toy with the idea of making Mark a self-harmer but it didn’t fit into the story. Besides, I didn’t self harm that much when I was younger. Furthermore, in the reality of the time, if Mark did self harm in the story, his bullies would have tormented him more so they could watch him do it.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1537212231&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

Self Defense 2-You Provoked Him, The Final Part

Tags

books, bullying, crime, Great Britain, MMA, sports

Hopes were high in her mind that she had made the promenade along the seafront in Brighton safe for vulnerable people when Rochelle drove to Brighton the following week. That no gangs of youths would be there to harass anyone. As she parked her van outside of the chip shop, she had a glance across the road and seeing no menacing gangs, felt assured that she had made things safe for everybody. Therefore, she disembarked and began unloading the van.

“Excuse me miss,” a female voice called out from behind Rochelle.

She turned around to see two female police officers standing in front of her. The shorter blonde officer had asked the question while her taller, about the same height as Rochelle and dark haired colleague stood looking serious. Even though Rochelle could guess why the two officers were there, she still asked them, “Can I help you?”

The taller officer then spoke, “Do you come to this area every “Wednesday?”

“Yes, I make deliveries to this chip shop,” Rochelle confirmed pointing over her shoulder with her thumb.

The taller officer’s expression grew more serious, almost grim. “Were you involved in an incident involving some youths across the road?” She was pointing to the spot where Rochelle had confronted the gang.

Not wanting to trap herself, she carefully explained, “I did stop a gang of thugs from harassing and older couple and who had been also harassing a vulnerable young man.”

“In that case, we are arresting you on suspicion of assault and causing grievous bodily harm.”

A sudden sense of the surreal swept over her as Rochelle got into the back of the police car. “Surely, they know that this is a mistake,” she thought to herself and clung tightly to the hope that the officers would see sense. This surreal sense continued while she was questioned at the station. The two officers seemed to be totally deaf to her insistence she was acting in self-defence. When Rochelle told her account of what she told the boy who had pulled a knife on her, the shorter, blonde officer seized the chance and retorted, “It sounds like you goaded him into attacking you.”

“He had a knife on me! I was trying to get him to put the knife away and leave those old people alone,” Rochelle explained trying to hold back her anger at the apparent ignorance of the two officers. “What would you have done if they had pulled a knife on you?”

“It doesn’t matter what we would have done,” the taller officer interjected. “We have twelve statements from witnesses saying that you were clearly goading that young man into going for you. That you did so by insulting his masculinity. You might not have thrown the first punch but you wanted him to do so in order that you could show off your martial arts skills. Besides, we know who you are now, Rochelle Dibley or should we say ‘Rocket’ Rochelle Dibley, undefeated professional MMA fighter. You wanted to show these kids how tough you were.”  

“No! I just wanted to stop those yobs from harassing innocent and vulnerable people. I phoned you twice to report was going on. If you had done your job, I wouldn’t have had to!”

She regretted saying the last bit even before the taller officer came back with, “So, you decided to take the law into your own hands.”

“I just wanted to help them,” was on the tip of Rochelle’s tongue but she drew it back, fearing that if she had said that, it would have landed her in more trouble. It would not have mattered much because right after, the two officers instructed her to wait while they left the room. After three quarters of an hour on her own, the two officers returned with a larger male officer, obviously a superior. With his rugby player like build and greying beard, cut very short, the officer stood across the table from Rochelle as if he was an animal displaying his dominance.

“You’re not from around here,” he began. When Rochelle nodded, he continued, “You don’t know the boy you assaulted, he’s the son of one of Brighton’s leading city councillors. You don’t realise how much trouble you could really be in. Fortunately for you, the parents aren’t pressing charges. Besides, the boy thinks it cool that he got knocked out by a professional cage fighter. If we did prosecute you, we’re afraid you would be made out to be some sort of hero in the eyes of the media and your chosen profession. We would be made to look like the bad guys and the Brighton Police does not need that sort of negative publicity. However, us not charging you comes with one condition, you don’t ever come back to Brighton.”

“What about my job?” was all she could think about.

“Well, I’m afraid that it’s a case of your job or you facing prison time. If you are seen in Brighton, you will be arrested.”

Although she felt the whole thing was a cover up, Rochelle felt that she had no other choice than to agree to the terms. The trip home seemed even longer and she was just glad that her final delivery of the day accepted her explanation of being so late was down to traffic in Brighton. The entire time she was extremely worried over how the whole affair was going to affect her.

Things took a fortunate turn for Rochelle when she told her boss about what had happened in Brighton. The boss did not want to lose a good delivery driver and he liked the fact that he had a ‘celebrity’ working for him. Furthermore, he said he was getting a little stir crazy in the office so he thought a trip one day out along the coast would be a good break. Therefore, he happily took over Rochelle’s Wednesday delivery route while she stayed in the office to do administrative duties.

Upon his return from his first Wednesday deliveries, the boss informed Rochelle, “It’s good you didn’t go to Brighton, there was police car parked by that chip shop and they were watching me. They left after ten minutes. They were probably just making sure it wasn’t you.”

Rochelle shrugged, “It’s great the police can spare a car to watch in case I came back to Brighton but they couldn’t spare any to stop those yobs harassing people.”

Eventually, thoughts about her experience in Brighton began to dim although they would never completely vanish. One positive was those thoughts spurred her on at her next fight, she knocked her opponent out in ninety seconds.

Six weeks later, returning from his delivery to Brighton, the boss relayed an observation from his trip. “I saw a gang of kids on the sea front promenade, yobbos or what? They threw a disabled man off of his mobility scooter and took turns joyriding on it while the man lay there. It was disgusting, I should have called the police.”

“They wouldn’t have come,” Rochelle consoled him.  “And if you tried to do anything yourself, it would have been you being arrested.”  

The boss nodded in agreement, nothing would have been done.

 

Self Defense 2- You Provoked Him, The Climax

Tags

books, bullying, crime, fights, kick boxing, MMA, police

Arriving in Brighton the following week, Rochelle wondered if history would continue to repeat itself. Like the weeks before, she made her delivery and began to eat her lunch from her usual vantage point to see if things would happen as before. At first, it looked quite possible. The gang of youths were still loitering about the area unchallenged. At times she could overhear some of the foul language coming from their direction. However, after twenty minutes of observing and finishing her lunch, there was no sign of the vulnerable young man. Satisfied nothing was going to happen, she got up to leave although a thought occurred to her that it was a shame that the young man was not able to come around on account of these hooligans.

With her lunch break nearly over and content that she might have stopped this gang from harassing the weak, she got up to go. As she was doing so, something suddenly caught her eye. She spied an elderly couple walking towards the gang. A few seconds later, while she watched, her instincts proved to be right. The alpha-male and several others with him approached them. From where she stood, it seemed from the way the alpha-male was jumping up and down, they were being as aggressive to this harmless old couple as they had been to the vulnerable young man. Her first thought was to ring the police again but by now, she knew that would be pointless. Therefore, she decided to take matters upon herself.

Even before she had reached that decision in her mind, she was halfway across the road and like a shot was over to confront the gang. Before she even got there, she could hear the alpha-male bellowing, “You might have fought in the war but you still have to pay our toll to go past!” The fact that the elderly man was trying to stand his ground impressed her. After all, seventy-five years earlier, he had done the same against the Germans. However, his wife was advising him to hand over some money and not create a fuss. This couple needed saving!

Full of anger and determination, Rochelle stepped in between the couple and the alpha-male, slightly surprised and relieved that no one in the gang tried to confront her. Concluding she had the element of surprise, she balked, “Why don’t you leave these people alone!”

“What’s it to you? Bitch!” the alpha-male snapped. “You better walk away now or we’re going to fuck you up.”

Pushing aside her bemusement that this young man had seen too many films or television shows, she immediately squared up to him, sizing up her opponent in the process. She could now see that he was Five feet ten, three inches taller than she was and looked about seventeen or eighteen. His loose fitting clothes hid his true physique but that did not matter much to her. Rochelle had taken down larger opponents.

“What, you need a gang? You can’t take one woman on your own?” she chided in retort.

Her question was answered with a chorus of “Ooooh’s” from the gang with one male in the crowd stating, “I think she wants to fight you.”

Shrugging off the last comment while reaching into his pocket, the alpha male suddenly produced a shiny silver object and growled, “I’ll fucking stanley you!”

“What? Now you need to use a knife on me,” Rochelle answered back while taking a fighting stance in case he used the blade.

“Oooh, she thinks she’s real hard,” another male voice added sarcastically.

A female voice then rang out, “Just thump her one, she won’t be so brave then.”

Emboldened by his cheering section, the alpha male put his blade back in his pocket, then suddenly lashed out with a wild right. Seeing it coming all the way, Rochelle easily blocked it. More ‘oooh’s’ from the crowd encouraged him to strike out with his left but his target side-stepped causing him to miss badly. Seizing her chance, just like she had done with Amazon Glenda, Rochelle stepped in and hit pay dirt with a right to the young man’s temple and like her previous opponent, he too fell to the ground not to get up again.

Seeing their champion flat on his back, unconscious, indecision now gripped the gang. One boy proclaimed, “Fucking hell, she knocked him out!” Some thought they should avenge their fallen comrade while others sought to flee. Seeing Rochelle in a fighting stance, bouncing on the balls of her feet and looking full of adrenaline, from her quick victory, the gang chose the latter option and hastily withdrew leaving their defeated friend behind. However, once at a safe distance, a girl from the group shouted to Rochelle, “We’ll get you, you fucking bitch!”

The elderly couple could not thank Rochelle enough for her heroic actions but they were just as serious in advising her to leave as soon as possible. She did so but only after she was fully assured the couple were now going to be safe.

Self Defense 2- You Provoked Him, The Fourth Part

Tags

books, bullying, crime, kick boxing, MMA

In the week between trips to Brighton, something in her mind told Rochelle to store the information she had written down on her mobile phone. She had the feeling she might need it when she went back there the following week. Sure enough, she was glad she had because when she finished the delivery, the same gang was across the road. The loud swearing by some of them emphasising their presence.

Right on cue, the vulnerable young man came along. However, this time he was accompanied by another young man. Rochelle hoped that this other man would be a carer. However, as she watched the events unfold, it was evident that the other young man was just as vulnerable as the first one.

She watched as two of the boys in the gang began shoving the newcomer back and forth. Meanwhile, the alpha male approached the original victim with a menacing stance. It looked to Rochelle that the aggressor might actually punch his vulnerable target. Without further confrontation, the vulnerable young man followed protocol and reached into his pocket to give the alpha male his leave me alone fee. However, handing over the protection money did not completely free the pair from further torment. As they tried to leave, they were forced to endure more shoves and what sounded like some unsavoury comments from the gang. Before the victims were ten feet past where their ordeal had taken place, Rochelle’s mobile was out and she was speed dialling the number the police had given her the previous week.

“Police, help line,” a male voice this time responded.

“Yes,” Rochelle began, fighting to quell her building anxiety. “Last week, I reported a group of youths by the sea front harassing and exploiting a vulnerable young man. Well, it just happened again but this time there were two victims.”

“You say this happened at the sea front, just now?” the voice probed. 

“Yes.”

“About how many youths were involved would you say?”

“I’d say about fifteen.”

“When you say there were harassing these two people, what do you mean exactly?”

“These kids shout, push, hit, kick and threatened these two young men who can’t defend themselves. Then they got them to hand over money so they could be left alone.”

“Okay” was the only response. Then the voice added, “We’ll send a car to the area to see what is happening.” After the phone conversation ended, Rochelle hung around to see if a police car would turn up, none did. After an hour, Rochelle realised she needed to go to her next delivery so she left. She had given up hope that any police would come. 

Self Defense 2- You Provoked Him, The Third Part

Tags

books, bullying, kick boxing, Michael D LeFevre, MMA, sports

Memories begin to fade over time but it was not long enough for Rochelle’s memory of the incident in Brighton. It was still in the forefront of her mind when she returned to the city to make her delivery the following week. She was hoping that what happened the previous week was a one-off but after she had made her delivery, she looked across the road and sure enough, the same gang of kids were hanging around. A few minutes later, she spied the same vulnerable young man from the previous week making his way towards the group. She continued to observe, curious to see what would happen next.

 Almost immediately, a girl from the group went over to the young man, waving her hands in front of his face, making out she was going to slap him. Instinctively, the victim stepped back but the tormenting female stepped nearer, continuing her taunt. Her hands got too close to him so the young man pushed them away.

    “He slapped my hand!” the young girl squealed.

Needing no further self-justification, the alpha male leader came to the girl’s rescue. He gave the young man a forceful shove, nearly causing him to lose his balance. “So, you like slapping girls!” the alpha male bellowed. He gave another shove and this time his target fell back onto his bottom. Rochelle could not make out what was being said by the alpha male who was standing over the young man while he tried to get back on his feet but she could tell that it was intimidating and the vulnerable man looked frightened. Once he managed to get to his feet, the victim reached into his pocket and handed something over to the aggressor. Obviously money in Rochelle’s mind. It was only after that the young man was allowed to pass but not before the girl who had instigated it all gave one last kick up the bottom.

In Rochelle’s mind, this was too much. Incensed, she pulled out her mobile phone and immediately dialed 999 and asked to speak to the police.

“Brighton Police, what is your emergency,” inquired a female voice on the end of the line.

“I have just witnessed a group of youths intimidate and rob a vulnerable young man,” Rochelle reported, her combined anger and eagerness to the right thing making her huff and puff between words. 

“Where did this happen?”

“On the sea front, across the road from Fish n Pie’s Chip Shop.”

“And how long ago did the incident occur?”

“Literally, just a minute ago.”

The voice on the other end of the line pressed for more details, such as numbers and descriptions which Rochelle provided with a fair amount of confidence. When she concluded her report, the voice assured her that the matter would be looked into. Rochelle briefly had to scramble for a pen and paper so she could take down the phone number given to her in the event that she could provide more information. When it was all over, Rochelle hoped that it would be dealt with, at least for the young man’s sake.

Self Defense 2- You Provoked Him, Part 2

Tags

books, bullying, kick boxing, Michael D LeFevre, MMA, sports

Here is the next installment if my short story:

It was because she was still virtually unknown in professional MMA, Rochelle still had to rely on her day job delivering supplies to fish and chip shops up and down the east coast of England from her home town of Skegness. However, she did like her job a lot, especially on a Wednesday because it involved a lot of driving making deliveries to Clacton-on-Sea and Brighton. That gave her time to reflect back on her last fight and begin mentally preparing for the next while all the time, taking in the views of the sea.

  The coastal drive had taken the entire morning, so she was glad for the break after the shop in Brighton took delivery. That shop happened to be right on the sea front, so she took her sandwiches and bought a bottle of orange juice and went to go sit in the sand to enjoy her lunch and the view. Her plan was briefly disrupted when she heard the shop owner remark, “I wish those feral delinquents wouldn’t come around here.” 

     She looked in the direction the owner was indicating. Across the road, near the beach, about ten to fifteen youths, all looking between the ages of 16-20, were standing about. Everything about them confirmed the owner’s label of the group in her mind. She thought, “What a bunch of chavs!” Half of them were in hoodies despite the warmer weather and most of them were smoking. The coarse language could be clearly heard even from where Rochelle was standing. Suddenly, the gang’s attention turned to one young man who happened to be walking past them. This young man was around the same age as the group, possibly a few years older. Right away, she could see that he was vulnerable, probably having special needs.

Four of the group quickly surrounded the young man while the rest took positions where they could best view the upcoming spectacle. One lad, wearing a New York Knicks basketball top and three-quarter length trousers assumed the role of leader. While Rochelle could not quite make out everything that was being said, it was obvious he was being threatening to his victim. The self-proclaimed leader was now in the young, vulnerable man’s face. After several shoves from him and some of his cohorts, the young man handed something over to his chief tormentor, obviously money in Rochelle’s mind. After the leader accepted the tribute, the young man was allowed to pass but not before one of the girls in the group kicked him in the bottom, bringing loud laughter to the rest of the group. 

She had to use every ounce of her resolve in order to prevent herself from going over to the gang and slapping everyone of them senseless. What they had just done was wrong but she knew that if she had confronted the gang, her MMA skills would not have helped her against such numbers. At the same time, she wanted to go comfort the victim but he had quickly disappeared. Instead, she went back to her original plan of eating her lunch on the beach before making the drive home. However, she could not get the incident she had witnessed out of her mind.

I Forgot the Most Obvious

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, books, bullying, D.A.M.P., labels, social settings

Reflecting on last week’s post, “You Don’t Have Asperger’s Syndrome,” I realized I didn’t include the most obvious one. I say the most because I’ve heard it used over and over again, especially on me. That is, “You don’t look like a person with Asperger’s Syndrome.” 

Really? I didn’t know that a person with Asperger’s Syndrome or any kind of Autism or mental illness was supposed to have a certain look. Someone please tell me, what is a person with Asperger’s Syndrome supposed to look like? I haven’t a clue.

Before I go into my own experiences let me introduce another example. We’ll call him Earl for this example. Earl has Asperger’s Syndrome but if you were to look at him, you wouldn’t think so. In fact, some new members of staff actually thought he was another member of staff when they first met him. That is at least until he produces his several bags containing Star Wars figures. Then it becomes clear why he is a resident of the home and not a member of staff. Because like so many of the residents I support, if Early had his way, he would spend all of his money on Star Wars and other film action figures and nothing else. Furthermore, there have been instances where staff have had to come in and save him from getting a beating because he had said something inappropriate to their girl friends. This is because he isn’t aware of many social norms and what is an isn’t appropriate to say to women. So, while Earl certainly doesn’t look like he has Asperger’s Syndrome, he does.

I too have had people saying that I don’t look like someone with Asperger’s Syndrome. That’s because they only know me from modern times and hadn’t seen me when I was younger. When I was twelve, I remember somebody asking another person who knew me, “Is he as uncoordinated as he looks?” So, there must have been something there. Then again, it seems for many years that I had “VICTIM” stamped across my forehead and was often the target of bullies. Therefore, I must conclude that back in my youth, I might have looked like someone who had some sort of metal illness. Asperger’s wasn’t a thing back then.

Nowadays, after many years of experience and often painful trial and error, I have learned how to survive in the “normal” world. I avoid things that might get me singled out as not normal or worse, make people think I’m an easy victim. I don’t look like someone who doesn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome but I am convinced I do have the condition. Sometimes, those little ‘ticks’ of mine do manifest themselves. Especially when there’s a lot on my mind and I’m trying to process it and my lips are saying what I’m thinking. Yes, I talk to myself, deal with it!

So, what does someone with Asperger’s syndrome look like? Well, they could look like me or Earl or any of a number of other people. There is no obvious look to the condition because often times, most mental illnesses aren’t visible.

For an account of my early life, read my book, “He Was Weird.” You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528876781&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

You Don’t Have Asperger’s Syndrome

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Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, D.A.M.P., He Was Weird

 

Through the five years I’ve been writing this blog and reading the blogs of others on related topics, the more I am convinced that I have Asperger’s Syndrome and DAMP. However, there are probably many who have known me in the years before and while the great majority of them would immediately point out that there is something wrong with me, they would be the first to shoot down my claim that I have Asperger’s. Of course, some of these people were bullies or simply wanted to control me and would only say that it’s not Asperger’s because they didn’t choose my affliction. What I am going to do now is to bring up the arguments I imagine would be used to counter my belief that I have the condition.

You’re just weird: Nobody is just weird. Many people have metal illnesses which cause them to be perceived as such. The fact that I appear weird to you only proves that I have some sort of mental condition, most probably Asperger’s.

Everyone is saying that they have Asperger’s these days: True, more and more people are being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and this is a good thing. No one is saying it to be cool or trendy but they simply realize that they may have it. Just because more people are saying they have something doesn’t mean that the majority of them are lying about it.

You just want to make excuses for yourself: Yes, I have had a lot of failure in my life and many successes. As I think back on the failures, sometimes it was down to my Asperger’s and DAMP and the way they affect my mind. I don’t need to make excuses but what I do need is for people to understand that I may do something that might seem not normal to you but logical to me. The other point is that I avoid many social situations that seem foreign to me because it does send my anxiety levels sky high. I now know why I have made many gaffes in these situations and my Asperger’s is a fact, not an excuse!

You’re proud of it: Uh, I doubt that anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome is proud of the fact they have it. Most Aspies I know hate that they have this condition. I am not proud of the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome and wish it would just go away.

You want everyone to feel sorry for you: Nobody has felt sorry for me before I found I have Asperger’s Syndrome nor do I expect anyone to feel sorry for me now. Persons with Asperger’s don’t want pity, they just want understanding and acceptance.

You want to play the victim: Having been bullied in my childhood because I had undetected Asperger’s Syndrome does tend to make me see myself as a victim. Therefore, I don’t need to play what I was. Many Asperger’s sufferers are easy victims because their condition makes them easy targets.

One from conservative Americans (Republicans mainly)- You’re hoping to get lots of money from the government and live off my taxes: No I don’t! I have a good job, actually three jobs so I am quite capable of supporting myself and family without help from the government. However, there are many people with Asperger’s who are not able to do so without support. These people aren’t welfare cheats, just ones in need of assistance. I even bring this argument into the story in “He Was Weird.”

There are probably many more of these out there and I would love to hear contributions from others. These are the ones I fear would be put my way from those who refuse to believe or accept that I have Asperger’s Syndrome.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528311903&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird