My US-UK Reconciliation

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Americans, Asperger's Syndrome, friendship, Great Britain, He Was Weird, intolerance, relationships, stereotypes

Originally, I was going to call this post “Putting Stereotypes to Rest” but there is one more post about stereotypes I can go with before I can do so. Believe me, that post is going to be very important for me and hopefully for you. Before I go any further, I would like to address a point I missed out in my last post. There is something that the British definitely do better than Americans in my opinion: That is tolerance! When I came to the UK in 1986, I had committed some very serious crimes in the US. I had long hair, an earring and wore native American moccasin boots. My defense that I was simply relaxing after spending four years of my life sporting a crew cut and dressing like everyone else in the service of my country fell on deaf ears. As a result, I was subjected to a lot of intolerance, even at my college dispelling the myth that college students were all liberal lefties. When I came to the UK, I didn’t experience these things. Sure, even the UK has culture fascists but nothing like I had experienced in South New Jersey. Quite a few British students befriended me on account of my dress sense, taste in music and some even for my political views.

That takes me to my first point, not all British people or even students are liberal lefties any more than all Americans are right wing conservatives. Yes, it is true that the two main parties in the US are conservative and more conservative by European standards but not in the way they might think. I also discovered that while Britons are turned off by “flag waving Yanks,” they don’t immediately embrace “flag burning” ones either.

Many Americans resent the rest of the world thinks they are all obese. Yes, obesity is a problem there but it’s also a growing problem in the UK.

While religion is more important to many Americans, most of them do not think with their bibles. Even the ones who live in the bible belt.

Not all British people drink tea.

Racism is a problem in both countries but there are many white Americans who are not racist. On the flip side, not all British view race issues through rose coloured glasses.

I actually wondered whether or not I had a drinking problem until I came to Britain. Going back to my “They’re Really Out to Get Me” post, I got falling down drunk at my college party in the US and would have been more popular if I had got a hold of an uzi and mowed everyone down. When I told British people about this, they thought the American students made much out of nothing. If it had been in the UK, I would not have been the only one that paralytic that day. I know it to be true. It has been said, especially in the Sun, that it is too far the other way here. That every Saturday night you see young women falling down drunk with their panties around their ankles. While drinking is a more accepted way of life in the UK, most British drink responsibly and there are many, like my wife, who are completely teetotal.

Some British people wish their judges would be more like American ones and hand down stricter sentences and not make ridiculous rulings that allow criminals to walk free. However, there are American judges who can be as liberal as what British ones are perceived to be. This too, has given me an idea for a future post, a what if, based on “He Was Weird.”

I could go on here but I think by now people are getting the gist of what I’m trying to convey here. Stereotypes are wrong whether they be racial, gender based or even between Britons and Americans. As for me, stereotypes have caused me some great anxiety at times when I found the exception and that will take me nicely to next week’s post.

Next post: Stereotypes and Asperger’s

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406667061&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

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Points About the US and UK

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Americans, Great Britain, Jeremy Clarkson, labels, Rupture, school shootings, Simon Lelic, social settings, The Sun

Going back to the last time the USA beat Europe at the Ryder Cup, I think it was 2008, some British journalist for The Sun thought it would be rather amusing to write an article on the things that British supposedly did better than Americans. The article was rather amusing but at the same time very inaccurate to the point if I were one of those fanatically patriotic redneck types, I would not have seen the humour and gotten rather angry. The article left me wondering if this particular journalist had ever been to the US. So, going on memory from six years ago, I will bring up some of those points and examine them.

The Sun

1. Football (Soccer)- Yes, back in 2008, England was better than the US at football. However, it could be said that at the past World Cup, it was the other way around.

2. Cricket- I found this enlightening. I never knew any Americans played cricket. This article informed me they did. Still, England will more than likely always be better than the US at a sport I found more boring to watch on TV than baseball.

3. Music- True, the UK has given the world many musical legends, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, do I need to go further? However, the US has given the world Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson (not a fan), Aerosmith, rap music and thrash metal. The journalist’s use of Hanson and Maroon 5 was a bit flawed here but if he wants to talk about naff bands, I could mention Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Great Britain and the US have for the past 5 decades enjoyed a musical trade off with one another and long may it continue!

4. Humour- This is a difficult one because there are differences in senses of humour between British and Americans. Many Americans don’t find Monty Python funny, (I do) but the only two British people who have found David Letterman funny were my two sons and they’re half American. Britain has given the world Monty Python, Blackadder, and many shows of the like. At the same time the US has given The Simpsons, South Park and Family Guy. Both countries have made some very funny films as well. Like music, there is a mutual trade off with humour between the US and UK.

5. Food- In last Saturday’s Sun, columnist Jeremy Clarkson stated that he never had a decent meal in America. I could dismiss this with the fact that I believe Clarkson is a closet American hater but I won’t. Let me provide three witnesses to the contrary, my ex wife, ex girlfriend and current wife. All three have been to the States with me and all three were very impressed with the quantity and quality of the food they were given no matter what sort of eatery we went to. They each liked different sorts of things but none of the complained about the food. Exhibit B: Many British people enjoy watching “Man V Food” and are astounded at the amounts of food that the star of the show has to consume. Many want to go to the States just to eat at one of the restaurants from the show. I’m being honest and objective here but sorry unknown journalist and Jeremy, I’m afraid that the US wins on this one.

6. Pubs- I love the traditional British pub. However, when I first came to Britain I was slightly frustrated at the fact they shut at 11pm. That was because I came from Atlantic City, New Jersey where many bars are open 24 hours. The journalist’s evidence that American bars closed at 9 and didn’t serve alcohol had me asking, “Where did this guy go, Utah?” This alone has led me to conclude that said journalist has never been to the States. Saying all that, I still prefer the atmosphere in a British pub.

7. Manners- True, the British are world renown for their manners but unfortunately, I am seeing this trait being lost with the British youth. I’ve never had an eight year old American boy tell me to “F” off. I fear that if this is not addressed, then the US could surpass the UK in this department.

If books were to go by, one thing America does better than Britain and this is nothing for Yanks to be proud of is school shootings. The only school shooting in the UK happened in Simon Lelic’s book “Rupture.” In fact, the combination of the book and this post has given me an idea for a post down the line in the future. Unfortunately, America has a long sad history in this department.

 

Thank you for coming along for the ride on this one. I think the reason I wanted to harp on this subject is the fact that this journalist got it so wrong. I know and understand he was trying to be amusing but I can’t help thinking that if any American had written a similar type article but called it “Things Americans Still Do Better Than Brits,” he would have been up in arms, especially if there were the glaring inaccuracies that were in his article. Each country might do some things better than the other, however, I think history has shown a much better result when the two countries have traded and shared their cultures with one another.

Next post: Putting Stereotypes to Rest

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405969931&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Thoughts About America From One in the UK

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agony aunts, Colorado, Family Guy, guns, He Was Weird, intolerance, Lionel Shriver, Lorraine Kelly, race relations, religion, school shootings, stereotypes, We Need to Talk About Kevin

It’s been a week since my last post and I have yet to have had any contact from Lorraine Kelly. A couple of days after I posted, I had a slight paranoia about getting a communication from her solicitor suing me for libel. I don’t think it is libel though, I’m convinced that she actually does hate Americans. Saying that, I will be the first to admit and be embarrassed by the fact that there are plenty of Americans who give Lorraine and those who think like her plenty of ammunition. Furthermore, there are many things about the USA itself that also show the country in a not so positive light. I know, I used some of these things in “He Was Weird.”

The obvious one is of course the school shooting. These occur all too often in America and does portray the country in a not so good light. What I have found quite uplifting however is from the feedback from British people who have read “He Was Weird.” None of the blame for the shooting in the book on guns but on other factors, mainly on the bullying his is subject to throughout the story. They realise that Mark’s access to guns came about by an oversight which gave him the opportunity to shoot up the school but that wasn’t the reason why he did it. Another aspect of America which some Brits find amusing although many admit it is getting just as bad in their own country is when after the shooting occurs, the lawyers get involved. I admit, the law suit culture in America has gone beyond comical now and I hope it never gets that bad in the UK. Then there’s the religious fanaticism. Some American Fundamentalist Christians can be as bad as any Jihadist Muslim. After Columbine, there were two sets of parents who went to large religious revivals proclaiming that it was their daughter who said she loved Jesus when she got shot, though the actual report found that the girl who said that survived the shooting. It is actions like this that give the impressions that Americans think with their bibles instead of their brains.

Lionel Shriver, in her book “We Need to Talk About Kevin” gives a scathing attack on Americans by her main character Eva. Her attack definitely highlights main of the things Europeans find offensive about Americans, their loud and brash mannerisms, the way they talk too much about things that should be kept personal, although I never had an American tell me they were into anal and how they think they the USA is the greatest country in the world. She also states that Americans don’t realise that most of the world hates them but I’m not sure if that is totally accurate. I used to work with this one guy who might have fitted some of the above stereotypes but he knew that a lot of foreigners hated Americans. His response to that was “They say they hate Americans but you see they all want to come here.” Yes, according to him, everyone one is lining up at their local airport trying to get over to the US. I don’t think so. Still, it is people like this and the ones Lionel describes are the ones that unfortunately are the most visible. Loud abrupt brash people, rednecks, religious fanatics among others are the ones who shout about America the loudest and consequently make me a little embarrassed to be one. They also make my job of showing that not all Americans are the same that much harder.

For the past twenty eight years I have been fighting a war on two fronts. While, I have been trying to disprove stereotypes about Americans, I have also been defending Britain against them. The main one is the National Health Service, a great British invention. I have had massive debates with Republicans and conservative types who claim that the NHS doesn’t work and would like nothing more than to see it fail. It has its problems but it works and I get very angry at these type of Americans who think they know another country because they saw a two minute segment on the news. These hypocrites are the very first ones to condemn any non American who comments on anything to do with the USA. Again, more Americans who make me shudder at the fact that I’m one of them.

Americans do stereotype other nationalities, even the British. I admit that I was guilty of this too although my justification was that my stereotype is meant as a positive. Like many Americans back in the 1980s, I thought that the vast majority of British students were anti American lefties. Since I was very angry at the US when I first came to the UK in 1986, I thought that my left wing, anti American views would make me appear real cool in the eyes of the British student body. It wasn’t long before I found that it wasn’t the case. There were many people of left wing persuasion at the college I attended, there were many who weren’t, many more weren’t interested in politics at all. That was a bit of a shock to my Asperger’s mind at first but I did recover. I must say that I did make a lot of friends of all political persuasions.

If there is anyone in the US who likes to carry out stereotypes of the British it is Family Guy. I am a little surprised that no one in the UK has slammed the show for being anti British. It portrays British men as gay or at least camp and British women as homely. While the UK is more tolerant of homosexuality, most of the men aren’t homosexual. I would also dare any American to go into a pub full of BNP types and say that British men are gay. As for the women, I can definitely say that Family Guy has got that one wrong too. After all, I have married two of them. So I know all of the British stereotypes are wrong. I know it’s probably all done in good fun and unlike many Americans, British people are able to laugh at themselves.  However, it doesn’t justify stereotyping.

Family Guy

Wow, I feel that from these last two posts, I have gotten a lot off my mind here. I don’t like stereotyping even if it’s supposedly positive. I try to judge all people as individuals but I get incensed when others will still adhere to the same old stereotypes. One more thing, not all British people have bad teeth.

Next post: US-UK Points

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405460172&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

Thoughts From a Yank In the UK

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agony aunts, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Great Britain, guns, He Was Weird, Lorraine Kelly, race relations, school shootings, soccer, stereotypes, The Sun, UK, USA, World Cup

What has this got to do with “He Was Weird?” After all, the only mention of Great Britain in the story takes place a few hours after the big climax when the BBC reports on the school shooting. I will admit that I shouldn’t have ended that part so quickly because in reality, the BBC would have spent the next ten minutes speaking about the American gun culture. There would have been experts giving their account and every newspaper would have been commenting about gun toting Yanks and that ties in perfectly to what I am going to be talking about with this post. I am American and the only time I had anything to do with firearms was when I was in the marines. This is just one stereotype about Americans I had to contend with over the 28 years I have been living in the UK. After this many years, it is taking its toll on me.

You are probably going to think I am very sad here but I enjoy reading the “Dear Deidre” column in the Sun. She is the agony aunt for the paper and a few weeks back I read one of her Casebook features about a man who met an old girlfriend, who was now living in the US and visiting in the UK. They hooked up while she was in the country, thus causing him troubles because he was cheating on his current girlfriend with her. What seemed to be left out the girl was cheating on her boyfriend but no one seemed to notice this because her boyfriend was American. So, (now you’ll think I’m really sad) but I emailed Dear Deidre pointing this out. She responded that the feature was about the man who had written her and not the girl and nationality didn’t come into it. I accepted that. However, I emailed her again saying that all these years of inaccurate stereotypes, the same stupid jokes and other things said about Americans which have been downright offensive and derogatory have taken its toll on me. She wrote back saying that instead of letting it get to me, I should watch how I interact with people to prove the stereotypes wrong.

Here’s the thing: I have been doing that for 28 years. It has been a never ending mission to prove that I am not that stereotypical American. If anything, it has been said that I go too far the other way. One ex girlfriend said that I should be a typical loud mouth American. Still it seems that to many people in the UK, I will have to keep going out to disprove stereotypes about my nationality. It gets tiresome from time to time although I have given up on those less than ten percent of Britons who will always hate Americans for the sake of hating Americans.

I must bring up the two times where things got bad enough for me to try to address the issue. The first time was back in the early 1990s when I happened to off sick on July 4 on consecutive years. The first year it was a joke and I went along with it. However, the second year, spearheaded by an alleged BNP member who, because there was only one racial minority working in the department, started to take a dislike to me. Anyway, when I came back to work, I had “July 4, We Know” and “Independence Day Sickness, We know you’re lying” written on my locker and other places. The manager seemed to be in agreement with them so I telephoned the Commission for Racial Equality. Their response floored me. They simply stated that white Americans didn’t come under the racial equality act even though if a member of a racial minority had experienced what I had, they would have taken up the case but in my case, I should just ignore it. This is my one major gripe about living in Britain. The fact that if anyone says anything even deemed remotely offensive about any other nationality, that person is branded “racist” and hung, drawn and quartered but anything that is said about Americans, no matter how derogatory, is okay. Some will play the card that it’s not racist because it is a nationality being attacked and not a race. That’s just playing on semantics and doesn’t justify it. Furthermore, when UKIP party leader Nigel Farrage made a derogatory statement about Romanians, he was immediately called racist. Strange, I always thought that Romania was a country so wouldn’t he be attacking a nationality? But it seems to be a racist statement so I would argue that if it’s racist about Romanians, then it’s racist against Americans.

The other instance was about three years ago and it appeared in the Sun. Morning talk show host Lorraine Kelly writes a Saturday column for the newspaper. In an article about Brittany Spears, she stated that Spears was loud, swore a lot, had rotten teeth and was smelly just like “any average Yankee bloke.” Those words hit me like a bag of bricks. When I recovered I emailed the Press Complaints Commission but they didn’t agree with my view that it was a racial slur. Furthermore, I even did a stereotypical American thing and phoned my union’s solicitors but was told there was no case. So, that’s it I thought, in Britain you can say whatever you want about Americans and the law will back you up.

On the subject of Miss Kelly, after reading a number of articles in her column for the past few years, I have come to the conclusion she is among the less than ten per cent I mentioned earlier. In fact, in my opinion, she is a blatant American hater! Now, I am not one of those fanatically patriotic American rednecks, (the sort that actually does give decent Americans like me a bad name in the UK), who see any sort of criticism of America as hatred for the country. Believe me, there are things about America that doesn’t make me proud to be one but I think Lorraine is one of those who like to colour us all with the same brush. So, I will now address some stereotypes and misconceptions about Americans for Lorraine and others who think like her.

Lorraine Kelly

1. While I have put on a little weight in my older years, I will never get so fat I will need the fire department to get me out of bed. Those types of people are few and far between and the average American is disgusted with that type. I have a bit more compassion for them. Still, as my wife and eldest stepson found when I took them to the US, there are also a lot of hardcore fitness fanatics there too.

2. Having served in the US marines, I strongly protest Miss Kelly’s and others’ view that the American armed forces are absolute rubbish. In the friendly fire incident she reported in her column I questioned the wisdom of sending Air National Guard units to the Middle East. Their job is supposed to be guarding the skies over America. However, the average soldier on the ground is as good as anybody, even British ones.

3. I have never owned a gun and many Americans don’t. The gun debate will always be a fierce one over there. As for school shootings like in “He Was Weird,” there are other factors that contribute to them beyond access to guns.

4. I never met any American who was actually named “Bubba.”

5. Most Americans know that Hollywood films based on historical events aren’t accurate.

6. While Hollywood actors are spoiled brats, for every top flight actor, there are five others who are just as good or better who haven’t gotten that big break. This doesn’t make American actors inferior to British ones.

7. Another thing about Lorraine, she swoons and praises British actors who land parts as top American figures but is the first to deride American actors who play British roles. Sorry Lorraine, you can’t have it both ways.

8. I have no intention of consuming all the worlds resources and deplore corporations who intend to do so. I don’t buy their pitch to working Americans that if those corporations didn’t consume the world’s resources, then all Americans would be out of a job.

Now before any Brit reading this goes BNP on me and says, “If you don’t like it here, then piss off back to America,” let me declare that I do like it here. Most people in Britain have accepted me and putting things into context, it has taken twenty eight years for the things I have written about to finally take its toll on me. Furthermore, I would like to thank many of the British people and even journalists who heaped praise on the Us World Cup team. The one virtue they succeeded at portraying to the world, which the England team seems to have forgotten: The name on the front of the shirt is much more important than the name at the back. I notice that Lorraine Kelly never mentioned them. Still, American bashing should be not tolerated any more than the bashing of any other nationality.

US Soccer Team

Next post: Thought About America from One in the UK

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404849836&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

Race- The Numbers Game

Tags

baseball, basketball, friendship, ice hockey, numbers, olympics, Philadelphia Flyers, race relations, relationships, soccer, World Cup

About ten years ago, I remember reading a passed around email written by an obvious Caucasian American who claimed the only the only real racism that African Americans experienced was numbers, that they weren’t fairly represented in the media. He went on to say that on account of this there was now Jet Magazine, Miss Black America and the Black Entertainment Channel. But, he added, if a white person was to start a Cloud Magazine, Miss White American or have a White Entertainment Channel, that person would most certainly get a visit from Jesse Jackson. Therefore, whites were now the real victims of racism.

This unknown writer may be right, I don’t know, but if his problem is with numbers than I might have a solution. Why doesn’t the Black Entertainment Channel run one or two token white programs the same way the main channels do with those aimed at the African American audiences. The same thing can be said for Jet Magazine, an article in ever edition that would interest white readers. That way, no one can be accused of being racist.

These thoughts lead to more contemplation on the subject in my over active mind. There are many areas where one race is said to be over represented and another under represented. There are many factors that have influenced it and it is not necessarily down to race. Sports are a good example here. Let’s start off with basketball. Most people know that the vast majority of NBA players are African American and have made up the Olympic basketball teams for several decades. In 2012, the US team had what some would call, the token white player. However, what the basketball games that I watched, Kevin Love played consistently well throughout all of the Olympics. He might not have the flair of Kobe Bryant or Lebron James but he was the fifth highest scorer for the team and played his part in helping the US team win gold. Now, anyone says he did the white race proud is ignorant. Kevin Love, along with the rest of the team, did the country proud.

Kevin Love

Let’s go to the other extreme, the sport where Caucasians have a massive majority, ice hockey. There are some ice hockey players of African origin. I know, because one plays for my beloved Philadelphia Flyers and I can tell you that whenever Wayne Simmonds scores a goal and he does score goals, I cheer just as loudly.

Wayne Simmonds

Sport is the ideal place where people of different backgrounds, races, cultures, etc can put aside all their differences and work together to achieve a common goal. There have been several films about it but I like to provide two real life examples. First was the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies. Their starting eight, sans the pitchers who were all white, consisted of three Caucasian Americans, two African Americans, two of Latino origin and one American of South Pacific origin. All eight of these men stepped up with their hitting and fielding making some great plays in both areas and as a result, along with some good pitching, the Phillies were 2008 World Series Champions.

The Phillies celebrate World Series glory in 2008.

Here’s a more recent example. Last night I saw the US Soccer team crash out of the World Cup. I feel there was no reason to be ashamed because all of the so-called European experts were saying that they would not get past the group stages. Not only did they do that but Belgium need extra time to finally beat them in the second round. You could call the US team a truly American team because it was made up of players of many different backgrounds and ethnic groups. When they stepped onto the field, all of that was forgotten and they worked as a team and while they won’t be lifting the trophy at the end, they did themselves and the USA proud.

US Soccer Team

One could probably identify many other areas where race and numbers come into play and that’s well and good. I just thought I would focus on sport, although my 80smetalman blog has touched on this theme in music. So what do we do about it? My answer is nothing, if people of any race gravitate towards a particular sport or interest and are good at it what’s that to anyone else? However, those in the minority should also be accepted as players, teammates and competitors. Not just in sport but in all facets of life where this might occur.

Next post: Thoughts From an American Living in the UK

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404323439&sr=8-1&keywords=he+was+weird