Bullying In Strange Places

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, He Was Weird, intolerance, religion

The worst bullying I suffered was in junior high school in a town I can’t name for legal reasons but it wasn’t the only bullying I have suffered in my lifetime. I can say that for the most part, I wasn’t bullied in high school. Sure, I had the odd occurrence but I know that others got it a lot worse. I never had to walk the halls of my high school in fear of getting hit or stuffed into a locker. Somehow, I managed to blend it with the scenery.

When I say high school, I mean it literally. I didn’t have any problems actually in school. However, I did experience some bullying in a place where most people wouldn’t expect bullying to occur, my church youth group. The myth is that church people are all gentle souls and that bullying is against the will of God so people who go to church should feel safe. The reality is that not all of the youth who go to church do so because they want to be a good Christian. Some are only there because they have parents who make them go. Therefore, there were some kids in the youth group who didn’t want to adhere to what was considered Christian living.

Of course there was me whose Asperger’s traits always made a ideal target for bullies. As a teenager, I was an extremely strong born again Christian; always read my bible daily, prayed constantly and paid attention in Sunday School and church. Because I was so devout in my life style, I drew the attention of the first group, one boy in particular. At first, it was non physical low level stuff. He always wanted to complain about everything I did. We were on the church basketball team together and being the mid seventies, we both wore headbands for one particular game. Even though mine matched the team’s colours of red and white, he decided to deride me over it, forgetting that his was green and made him look like a Christmas tree. Then he started complaining about the fact that I rode my bike to Sunday evening services. To this day, I can’t figure out what it had to do with him so I conclude that he just wanted to get on my case over it. I wish I had thought of the response then that I thought of later: “I don’t think the Lord cares how I get to church, neither should you.”

It was a few months later where the low level stuff turned into threats of violence. He began to threaten he was going to punch me in the mouth for anything I said or even for looking at him. Then one evening, before a basketball game, he was bouncing a ball down the steps of the church and I happened to be behind him. The ball accidentally hit my foot and bounced away from him. He threatened to punch me in the mouth. When he got the ball back, he bounced it again but it hit the edge of the step and bounced away from him. He blamed me and punched me in the stomach. This time I hit him back and we had a punch up inside the church. Due to it being in a church, it was broken up pretty quickly but I went off feeling upset for having a fight in the Lord’s house when I should have praised myself for standing up to him. I’ll go into that more in the next post.

He left me alone pretty much for a year but things started again when the youth group went on a retreat. Again, low level stuff at first like tipping my suitcase on the bed. Then at meal times, he demanded I didn’t sit near him because he said I chewed with my mouth open. (Maybe I did, but I think he was going back to his old habit of complaining about me.) Only this time, it wasn’t just him, his sister also joined in along with some of their friends. It all came to a head on the way home from the retreat when many on the bus thought it would be a good idea to throw the nerf football at me repeatedly. Okay, it didn’t hurt but the fact I was singled out and having to endure a constant bombardment did.

I think the worse thing about all of this was that others in the youth group who were supposed to be good Christians seem to find the bullying amusing. Often times, they seemed to encourage him and even side with him against me. After the retreat, I wanted to leave that church for another down the road but my mother wouldn’t allow it. I did find excuses to avoid going to youth group meetings for many months after that and only went back when the bully stopped coming to church full stop.

The sad thing is that church is the one place where you wouldn’t expect bullying to happen. Even in “He Was Weird,” the church provides a haven for Mark from the bullying he encounters and the week at the bible camp is his one moment of glory. It’s too bad that even in a supposedly divine setting, bullying is still possible.

Next post: Asperger’s and Religion

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1393611827&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Always Wrong

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, He Was Weird, Self Esteem, social settings

First, I would like to say that I am a tiny bit disappointed that no one took part in the poll from my last post on the subject of my next book. Didn’t any of the proposed topics interest anyone? I also posted the poll on Facebook and my 80smetalman’s Blog and the result was an overwhelming vote for idea number three, the vigilante story. So, that will be the topic of my next novel.

On to the subject for this week. Throughout much of my life, I have always had the destructive self belief that I am always wrong. That whatever I say in a given situation is going to be wrong and therefore it is often not a good idea to venture forth saying anything. Even when I am right in the situation, if a contradicting view comes into play where it is suggested that I could be wrong, I immediately begin to question myself as to whether I was right in the first place. Even, when I can provide evidence that I am right, if the doubting person isn’t convinced, it only goes to show in my head that I am wrong. In many cases, it has eroded my self esteem and is part of the reason why I am often not outgoing in social settings. I fear I’m going to get it wrong.

After living with myself for over half a century now, I think I can possibly venture a reason as to why I think this way. Admittedly, throughout my life, I have made many a social blunder, which was immediately seized upon and used as a stick to beat me with. Many times I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time or something I said has been taken completely out of context. When corrected over my mistake, I totally beat myself up over it and used it as an excuse to retreat back into my shell. Then to make matters worse, some well meaning friend or person closer takes it upon themselves to try to get me to open up and be more outgoing, not realising the anxiety that it is causing me. In order not to be looked upon as being rude for not wilfully engaging in conversation, I, once again, say something wrong and the vicious cycle continues.

Fortunately, through painful trial and error, I have learned that I am not always wrong and just because someone may not have the same view as me, it doesn’t mean that mine is wrong. Although that feeling will never totally go away, I find it much easier to cope with. Furthermore, there are people around me who understand me better and seem to know how to engage me in the process and that makes a lot of difference. My anxiety levels drop and my self esteem rises.

Another reason why I believed I was always wrong was definitely down to the bullying. I have encountered bullies who are under the impression that might always makes right. Because they can threaten others with violence and get away with it, that they are always right. Because I lacked the skills to fight back, I must be wrong or worse, be forced to admit I was wrong in order to avoid a beating.

There is one more thing I would like to share and it is in relation to “He Was Weird” and the bullying I suffered that inspired me to write the story. I mentioned in the Forward that I would love to name and shame the town where the bullying happened but if I did, the town would sue me. I fear that some lawyer would get me on the stand and bamboozle me into admitting that I wasn’t bullied so bad when I lived in the town and that I was wrong once again. This is why I don’t name the town.

Next post: Bullying In Strange Places

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1392755787&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Forgetting Things And A Poll

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, D.A.M.P., forgetfulness, obsessions

Recently my mind has been worse than usual. I have always had a memory like a sieve, forgetting lots of things, but in the recent weeks I have been worse. It’s been a case of forgetting what I call the basic stuff. For example, I phone my daughter every week but this week it just went out of my mind. Another is last night when I was off to get some shopping in, I was supposed to stop off at the doctor’s and make an appointment for my wife. I got in the car with the intention of doing so but in the few minutes it took me to get close to the doctor’s surgery, it vanished from my mind once again. There have been many other occurrences in the recent weeks but they are too numerous to name here.

One strategy I try to use to combat this problem is to write things down. However, if I am in a place where I can’t get to a pen and paper, guess what? That’s right, I forget to write it down. As a result, my anxieties over this are going to high levels. I worry that I’m going to forget something big like the fact that I’m looking after my step granddaughters on Thursday or the job ending prospect of forgetting I have a supply teaching assignment. (Note: I have none at the moment.) Needless to say, the whole thing has me worried.

Now I could probably write volumes as to why this is happening and I’m sure many people could contribute their ideas and for the most part, we’d all be right. It would be very easy to present this as further proof as to why I remain convinced that I have Asperger’s Syndrome and/or DAMP. Again, it would all probably be correct especially in the case where if I am following a routine and some new variable gets introduced into it, I either forget the variable and carry one with the routine or I complete the variable but something in the routine gets missed out. See what I mean?

In order for me to ask for advice, I’m going to have to do something which I consider against the norm for me. I have anxieties about using this blog as a counselling session and don’t really want to go down that road. However, through the Peaceful Rampage blog, I have met some really cool people who aren’t afraid to open up and ask others for guidance. Therefore, I am going to do the same and all suggestions will be taken on board.

You have probably noticed from the post’s title, I want to do a poll. I have four ideas buzzing around my head for my third book but don’t know which one to choose. So, I’m asking you as a prospective reader to choose the one you would like to read the most.

Idea 1: A prequel to my first book Rock And Roll Children. The story is about Bob’s older brother Mitch who serves in the US peacekeeping mission in Beirut in 1983. He is wounded but returns home to total indifference and even intolerance.

Idea 2: A sort of sequel to He Was Weird. A talk show host, in a bid to save her plummeting ratings, holds a show where mothers of school shooters meet with mothers of their victims. Donna Leversee would appear on the show.

Idea 3: People who were either victims or witnesses to crimes are badly let down by the British justice system. They go onto form a vigilante network.

Idea 4: A male substitute teacher works in various schools and impresses female members of staff in more ways than one.

Please tell me which of these appeals to you, it would be greatly appreciated as will suggestions to the other part.

Next post: I’m Always Wrong

Armed Teachers?

Tags

firearms, guns, He Was Weird, Michael D LeFevre, Rupture, school shootings, Simon Lelic, teachers

Along with the debate for having armed security in schools as a well of preventing school shootings, the idea of arming teachers and training them to shoot has also been brought into the debate. Well, I’m a teacher and I wouldn’t want to carry a firearm around in school. For me it would feel just unnatural and for the record I am not a peace loving hippy, ok, maybe to an extent. I served in the US Marines and I learned to respect firearms. That doesn’t mean I want to carry one around with me all the time, especially working as a teacher.

Thinking about the school shooting that occurs in “He Was Weird,” I wonder if an armed teacher would have stopped Mark from carrying out the carnage he inflicted on that fateful day. I doubt it. When he began his shooting spree, it was still about 15 minutes before the start of school and being the last day, most teachers would have been in the staff room and not in the classrooms preparing for the day. Staff were only informed because one pupil managed to find an open door and slip in without being hit. Sure, the teachers might have drawn their weapons and gone in different directions looking for Mark, but they would not have found him until he inflicted more casualties. They might have shot him and saved lives but if they killed him, they would have done him a favour.

Another point about arming teachers comes to mind. The other day, I was working as a supply teacher in a secondary school where I had a Year 10 class that was completely uncooperative. Imagine, when a pupil refused to put their cell phone away when told, it would have been very tempting to draw on the pupil and force him to do so at gun point. Of course, the child may have called my bluff and got more defiant. Would that defiance cause enough stress in my mind to make me pull the trigger? Think of the headlines, “Teacher Shoots Pupil For Having Cell Phone Out.” Parents would have sued and pulled their children out and I would be facing life in prison. I’m not saying I would have definitely done this or would any teacher but the idea is creepy enough for me. Some stressed out teacher, faced with a class of unruly children, snaps and then BANG! Actually, this has given me an idea for a short story.

One example has already come out as a novel. Simon Lelic’s book “Rupture” is about a teacher who goes into a school and shoots dead three pupils and a colleague before shooting himself. Say that teacher was allowed to carry a gun around while on duty. His main antagonist would have had a bullet put through him a lot sooner in the school year and it would have changed the whole scope of the story. That is why I don’t think it’s a good idea to arm teachers.

One more thing and it is very possible. Say a student manages to get a teacher’s gun. The results could be catastrophic. There was a very recent shooting of a teacher in Russia by a pupil because the teacher had given the pupil a bad grade. If that can happen, then it is just as likely for a pupil to get a teacher’s gun and shoot the teacher and other pupils.

Linking up some of the things I’ve written about here. The second class I taught that day were much better behaved so I wouldn’t have needed a gun. In fact, I read them part of “He Was Weird” at the end of the lesson and they loved it. The school is interested in having me in to talk about the book and how bullying inspired me to write it.

Next post: Forgetfulness

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391630488&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird