Children Bullying Adults

Tags

bullying, He Was Weird, Rupture, school shootings, Simon Lelic, teasing

I know it sounds outrageous and you may be asking yourself, “How can a child bully and adult?” However, the sad truth is that it happens. Nowadays with all the emphasis on children’s rights, which I’m not an opponent of, there are some situations where the pendulum has swung the other way. School is the most common place for this type of bullying to occur.

“You can’t touch me” seems to be the most spoken phrase by pupils towards teachers today. Some pupils misbehave in school and use this line when the teacher goes to intervene. Some pupils are even more bold by warning the teacher that they will lose their job and it can go even farther especially if little is done to the offending child. They become even more empowered because they have gotten away with it and will push the boundaries even more. If the teacher tries to stop it, some pupils will even go as far as to make a false allegation against the teacher. The teacher’s career is on the line and there are many accounts of the teacher going through hell before their name is cleared. Even when it is, little or nothing is done to the pupil who thinks it’s cool that they got a teacher into so much trouble. Some bullying of adults can go even further.

Guess what? I won’t be using any of “He Was Weird” in this particular post. This is because Mark doesn’t bully any adults, his condition and experiences would not let him. Cue, this week’s book, “Rupture” by Simon Lelic. The story is about a female detective who is called into to investigate a shooting at a secondary school. This shooting was carried out by a teacher whom everyone just want to paint as a psycho. But as the detective digs further, she discovers that it isn’t so simple and that this mild mannered teacher may have been driven to it.

Throughout the entire story, the reader gets many account of bullying by pupils against the teacher. He gets his bike destroyed, someone defecates in his briefcase. At a pupil-teacher football (soccer) match, two students slide into him intentionally breaking his leg. Towards the end, it is discovered that a humiliating blog is set up about the teacher. The teacher does try seek help but the head master seems totally uninterested. In the case of the blog, he hides behind “free speech.” Furthermore, another teacher is bullying him too so it’s no wonder why he goes into school one day and shoots dead three children, one teacher before turning the gun on himself. “Rupture” highlights children bullying adults at its very worst.

The bullying of adults by children is similar to the bullying of older children by younger ones. Both is done on the belief that if the victim addresses it, they will be the one who gets in trouble. In the case of the adult, it might be career ending or lead to criminal prosecution. This form of bullying needs to be taken more seriously as it’s just as bad as any other form.

Next post: Reasons Why I Believe I Have Asperger’s

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383254706&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

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Adult Bullying of Children

Tags

bullying, He Was Weird, name changes, Self Esteem, social settings, teasing

Yes, it happens and it happens a lot! Often it’s disguised and often times justified away by the adults or otherwise, usually in the form of behaviour management. In any case, this form of bullying is wrong and it needs to be stamped out along with all its other ugly forms.

The best way to proceed is to highlight the instances where Mark suffers bullying from adults. It starts almost at the beginning of the story with his fifth grade teacher. She often humiliates him in front of the entire class and justifies it with things he’s supposed to have done wrong. It gets even worse when he is reported to her by a safety when he loses his temper and throws his glasses in frustration after he’s being bullied by a gang of fourth graders. All she cares about is that her perfect playground record is now blemished. She singles him out when the whole class is guilty of making too much noise and uses the incident to make him sit with his desk in a large box. Even when she announces his new name she does so buy saying getting him in front of the entire class before declaring, “I don’t know how we’re going to get used to this but Marvin is now Mark.”

This teacher’s bullying of Mark gives the other children in the class the green light to bully him as well. After all the teacher thinks he’s trouble so they probably feel that they are carrying out the teacher’s bidding. The situation is further aggravated when she appears to do little about the bullying and even hints that it’s Mark’s fault because he “invites trouble.”

The second instance is far more direct and harrowing. It ‘s referred to as “The Smiley Incident.” Smiley is a substitute gym teacher one day who finds instant amusement by calling Mark “Coordination Plus.” But that isn’t the worse thing; when playing basketball, Smiley comes up behind Mark and pulls his shorts down in front of the entire class, totally humiliating him. Mark does report it and eventually Smiley is brought to book before the law, (although many readers believe he got off way too light), however, the incident is seen by Mark’s classmates as just a joke and therefore take reprisals against him for getting Smiley in trouble. It’s probably no wonder that Smiley believes he can get his sentence reduced after Mark commits his atrocity.

These examples are just the tip of the iceberg in regards to adults bullying children. There are many more and one form I must mention here, because it happens to Mark quite often, is non action. Adults who don’t take action against children bullying other children are, in my mind and hopefully yours, just as guilty of bullying as those children who were doing it. It gives those children the confidence to carry out further acts.

Adult bullying children is something that needs to be dealt with because when I think about it in “He Was Weird,” some of those were as guilty of sending Mark over the edge as the children who bullied him. If adults stop, then children would be more inclined to stop as well.

Next post: Children Bullying Adults

To buy Rock and Roll Children, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382733290&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Exclusion- More Painful Than Punches

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, exclusion, He Was Weird, Self Esteem, social settings, teasing

What is exclusion? The Cambridge Dictionary says it’s “the act of not allowing someone or something to take part in an activity or enter a place.” So one can easily imagine where exclusion figures into bullying. The bullies simply do not allow the victim to join them or make friends with them. I use the plural here because in many cases with exclusion, it involves a group of people. Sometimes it’s one bully and the others are hangers on and there are the occasions when a former friend drops the victim as a friend because that person feels that hanging around the victim is social suicide.  But often it is the whole group who excludes the victim. However, for the victim, the numbers don’t matter, it’s the effect.

Many people scoff at the idea that exclusion is a form of bullying at all. There’s no physical pain and the victim can always find other people to be friends with. True there’s no physical pain but like actual violence or threats of violence, the victim is left feeling humiliated. Many times there is no obvious reason given just bullying taunts like “Because you’re a loser” or “Nobody likes you.” As we know, names can hurt but the result is a blow to the victim’s probably already low self esteem. After being on the receiving end of exclusion too many times, the victim will feel that nobody really does like them. If the victim has further problems like Asperger’s Syndrome where everything said is taken to heart, the outcome is even worse.

Victims of exclusion become loners. They may have one or two friends but for the most part, they are ignored. It is often these loners who are sought out for more direct bullying, so the knock on effect of exclusion is easily seen here. Another aspect of exclusion is that because the victim may want to be included or have people like them, they will do the bully’s bidding in an attempt to gain their favour. The bully will get the victim to do outlandish things or even break the rules. The victim, thinking it will get their bully and friends to like them will do it not realising they are being used for the bully’s own amusement. When the victim does realise they’re being used, it’s too late; their self esteem has already taken a nosedive.

In “He Was Weird,” Mark suffers exclusion in the very first chapter. Class hero Andrew Blumenthaw doesn’t allow him to join the rest of the class to play football because Andrew deduces that Mark isn’t good enough because he didn’t play well in a soccer game in PE class. Another instance is when Mark befriends another boy who suddenly drops him after about five months because by then, associating with Mark is considered social suicide. Further along in the story, another bully gets Mark to say horrible things to a girl. Mark does this for two reasons: one, to get people to like him and the other is because the bullies tell him that if he doesn’t, it means he likes her romantically.

What can we do about exclusion? The counter argument here is that we can’t make children be friends. True again, but they can be taught to be more tolerant and that associating with a particular child isn’t social suicide.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382307479&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Indirect Bullying

Tags

bullying, He Was Weird, Michael D LeFevre, social settings

For this post, I have decided to do things the other way around. Instead of putting my link to “He Was Weird” at the end, I’m starting with it because for this post it might be more effective this way. Let me begin by introducing you to a character from the story named David Fitzpatrick. He is described as a “weed of a boy” but he manages to surround himself with powerful friends. While he doesn’t openly bully Mark in the story, at least not when he’s alone, he seems to be often there behind the scenes when Mark is getting bullied. At one point, when Mark is getting beat up by another boy, David commences to wreck his bike. Even when he gets in trouble with the school and even threatened with police involvement from Mark’s mother, David wears it like a badge of honour and openly brags about it to people in front of Mark. This is probably why when Mark finally does get his revenge, his vengeance on David appears to be the worst.

As a teacher, I have often seen this type of bullying in schools. One child will deviously incite others to pick on the victim while claiming innocence the entire time. Any involvement in the bullying is difficult to prove as the antagonist is not openly engaging in any traditional bullying. I think this was what whoever declared that bullies are actually cowards might have been thinking about when they coined that phrase. Because in the instance of David Fitzpatrick and the person who influenced my creation of the character, he does get his comeuppance when another boy gets him one on one.

Of course the main problem here is, like all forms of bullying, is how to stop it. Like I said earlier, it is difficult to prove. One way could be to ask the physical aggressors why they chose a specific target. You’d be surprised, if a child thinks that it will get them out of trouble, they can be brutally honest. I know of cases where the ones doing the actual bullying turned in the person who set them upon the victim so this is one way. Of course, teachers and other adults in authority need to be trained on how to spot this type of bullying. Only when it is detected an brought more into the open can this indirect bullying be stopped.

Note: I know I must appear to be all over the place with my blog subjects jumping from Asperger’s to bullying to school shootings. The reasons for that are that my mind jumps all over the place and if I don’t post a subject when it’s in my head, it soon goes out the window. Also the three topics are the main focus of my book, so I hope that you’ll be flexible with me.

Next post: Exclusion, As Painful as Physical Bullying

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381832981&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Slip of the Tongue

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, He Was Weird, social settings

Did you ever say something then regret saying it? I believe that most people have. However, with someone who has Asperger’s Syndrome, this can be a more common occurrence. If not actually happening, the anxiety that they are going to say something regrettable is always with them. For many it’s like walking through a minefield worrying that they might say something socially unacceptable or unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings. I was recently haunted by this worry a few weeks back when I thought I might have unintentionally insulted someone on line. I was greatly relieved when I discovered that I hadn’t.

The major contributor to this is the fact that many people with Asperger’s feel very uncomfortable in social situations. Often times they are worried about making the right impression and that sends anxiety levels sky high. This anxiety in turn results in the person saying something completely wrong or inappropriate or they might have used the right words but the way it was said gives the wrong meaning and taken in a way it wasn’t meant.

This was a constant source of stress and strife for me in my early years and sometimes rears its ugly head nowadays. When I was a child where I would speak freely about inappropriate topics resulting in a telling off from my mother. Eventually, this gave me the idea that it was better to keep my mouth shut. The problem with this was I went too far the other way and people used to admonish me for it. So in my early adult years, confusion rained. While I didn’t openly volunteer anything wrong, the fear of being labelled too quiet also caused anxiety levels to rise and as a result, I sometimes said things I shouldn’t causing a vicious circle. Other factors would sometimes add to the anxiety. When I first came to the UK, I remained quiet because I didn’t want to come across as a loud mouthed American. My quietness received mixed reactions from British people but it left me feeling that whatever I did was wrong. Years on, I can’t say that I have totally licked the problem but I am much more comfortable in social situations where the fear of making social gaffs is minimal.

Book link alert: Yes, Mark has similar experiences in “He Was Weird.” In fact, on his second day of school, he is so excited that he was able to run a full mile from school to home, that he tells other kids that he broke the world’s running record. Needless to say, this begins to open the floodgates of bullying against him.

It is true that many people with Asperger’s Syndrome have difficulty reading social cues and this often results in them saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Some never learn and are doomed to forever repeat their social miscues while others will let it drive them into their “shell.” Therefore, tolerance and understanding as well as a bit of forgiveness is needed to help the person adjust so the Asperger’s will not be a major hindrance in these situations.

A Hidden Form of Bullying

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, He Was Weird, Self Esteem, teasing

When we think of bullying, we think of the stronger person victimising the weaker one. The big kid picking on the smaller kid. However, it’s not always the case and it’s the one that goes largely unnoticed. This is the case of the smaller kid who teases or winds up the older one. It is seen as teasing or joking but often times it can be very malicious and it is certainly a form of bullying.

Younger children engage in this sort of bullying because they are sure they will get away with it. If the older child attempts to make a stand, it is that child on whom the adults involved come down on. Adults will spout such gems as “You’re the older one” or “He’s just a little kid” or “He’s younger than you” or “They’re just teasing.” Any attempt by the older child to explain their side is usually ignored or justified away by the above comments. What this does is empower the younger child to do it more reinforced with taunts like “If you touch me, you’ll be in trouble” or threats of the parents getting involved to make it worse. As a result, the older victim is left feeling helpless.

It also doesn’t help that the older child can receive mixed messages from adults. On the one hand, there’s the “They’re smaller than you so don’t take anything from them.” But when the said child doesn’t take it, they get responses of “They’re younger than you or smaller than you so you can fight back.” And because the bullies are smaller and younger whatever they do isn’t supposed to hurt. Well maybe not as much physically but inside, the victim’s self esteem is eroded immensely. One, because they’re getting picked on by smaller children and two, they can’t do anything about it. To make it worse, when the older child does retaliate, they are the ones who are made out to be the bully.

As many who suffer with Asperger’s Syndrome are prime targets for such bullies, the mixed messages can be catastrophic. They are left with the feeling that whatever they do is wrong. They’re damned for letting younger children pick on them and damned if they try to do anything about it. Often times it results in mental overload and can lead to ill health and even a break down.

Book Alert: In “He Was Weird,” Mark does suffer from such bullying. When he’s in fifth grade, a third grader takes his hat. When he attempts to get it back, he is set upon by other fifth graders who threaten him with violence for picking on a smaller kid. At the same time, the third grader is encouraged to exasperate Mark even more. The situation sends him into overload and Mark is left feeling helpless. Furthermore, after the event, it is used by another child to spread the lie that Mark bullies younger children.

The moral of the story is that bullying is bullying no matter who is the perpetrator and who’s the victim. Bullying of older children by younger ones should not in anyway be tolerated in any way. In schools or anywhere else, it needs to be clamped down on by the relevant authority in a way doesn’t have any negative effect on the older child for reporting it. Parents should not see the fact that they’re child can bully an older one as something to be proud of. They need to reinforce the fact that it’s wrong to bully no matter who it is. If we are going to stamp out bullying, then forms such as the one mentioned here needs to be addressed as well.

Next post: The Slip of the Tongue

To Buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381175209&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

Asperger’s, Self Esteem and Bullies

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, bullying, He Was Weird, Self Esteem, teasing

The best way to start is to tell a true story of something that happened to me back in sixth grade. Gym classes were attended by two classes together and there was usually competition between the two classes. On this particular day, the two classes faced off at basketball where I became the hero by making the winning basket. Not accustomed to achieving such things, my self esteem rose drastically for a few moments and I made the mistake of recounting my great feat. Now, I wasn’t a great basketball player so when I did, two of the more gifted kids from the other class were quick to point out that the person guarding me when I made that winning shot was of less ability than even me and that had it been them, my heroic feat would never have happened. They both pontificated how they could beat me one on one left handed or blind folded. This reality dented my self esteem although it didn’t entire erase the good feeling I had the rest of that day. Furthermore, because I was the hero in gym class, the normal class bullies left me alone for the rest of that day.

I wish I could go back to that day just for a moment so I could say to those two sore losers, “I know you both could beat me one on one but unlike you, I don’t get many moments of glory so let me have this one.” I know in reality that had I said it, I would have gotten blank stares and some snide comment but it still would have been the right thing to say for my own self esteem.

Of course the next day, everything went back to normal and my heroic deed was quickly forgotten except when one boy from my class, who congratulated me for making the shot the day before, now was claiming that making the basket was just luck. Things quickly went back to normal and it wasn’t long before I went back to being the target instead of the hero and my self esteem again plummeted to its normal low.

This is a constant struggle for many people with Asperger’s Syndrome. Many have a low self esteem brought on by their anxieties no matter how trivial they might seem to the “average” person. For the Asperger’s sufferer, they are real and it’s a constant battle to overcome them. I know of a good number where it’s a struggle just to go out in public. They feel that everyone will be judging them and looking to criticise them. Therefore they choose the safety of staying indoors and having no interaction with anybody.

One major cause of this has to be bullies from youth. It seems that children have a sort of radar for anyone who is different or outwardly seems to lack confidence or just appear as “weird.” Bullies will use this to their advantage playing on the victim’s lack of self esteem to achieve their twisted end. Usually it’s to make the target look bad for their own amusement or often it’s to manipulate that person into doing what they want. A popular one and I’ve experienced this, is to get the victim to do something silly or bad and because the victim, especially if they have Asperger’s, will do the bully’s bidding in the false belief that they have impressed the bully or the bully will leave them alone after that. Playing on somebody’s anxiety or because they have a condition like Asperger’s to intimidate, humiliate, or manipulate is definitely bullying to its rotten core and more attention needs to be paid to this.

Here’s the book link. In “He Was Weird,” Mark is manipulated by such people to tease a girl who is considered unattractive by the populace. The main persuasion they use to get him to be horrible to the girl is if he doesn’t, it means that he likes her. He’s afraid that if people think that, more grief will come upon him so he does it. Does anyone see a snowball effect developing here?

The above incident did happen to me back then and I am now ashamed to have allowed myself to be manipulated in such a way. If I were to run into that girl again, I would apologise for being so horrible to her. The problem will always be that as long as bullies can take advantage of the victim’s low self esteem, it will always remain. And the belief that it can be stopped by raising the victim’s self esteem will have little success. It needs to be stamped out, period.

Next post: A Hidden Form of Bullying

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-LeFevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380625228&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird