Another Uplifting Story Thanks to Britain’s Got Talent

Tags

accomplishments, television, humour, special needs, Britain's Got Talent, Simon Cowell, cerebral palsy

Eva Abley

A few weeks ago, I posted about a dance group called Born to Perform who, in spite of their special needs, wowed the audience and judges when the went on the UK television show, “Britain’s Got Talent.” Then the Saturday before last, a fourteen year old stand up comedian by the name of Eva Abley appeared on the show and blew everyone away with her stand up routine. What’s so special about that? You might ask. Well, what was special is that Eva suffers from cerebral palsy. Watch her performance and judge for yourself.

Wasn’t her routine brilliant? Many people will point out that instead of feeling sorry for herself, she has owned her disability and even made jokes about it. I believe that she is capable of much more original material but the truth is that she succeeded despite her disadvantage. On the flip side however, some misinformed people will use the accomplishment of this fantastic young lady to draw an erroneous conclusion that all people with cerebral palsy or special needs in general are capable of doing wonders. This isn’t always true, not everyone can be an Eva and it’s not fair to put expectations on anyone because of one other person, no matter how great their accomplishment.

Reading a little following the aftermath, Alesha Dixon, the only judge who hasn’t yet pressed her golden buzzer, got stick from some places for not doing so for Eva. To me, that’s the judge’s choice. There have been many acts just as good and only four golden buzzers. Maybe Alesha is waiting for something more, who’s to know. This brings me to the dark side of all this. People on both sides of the fence are probably making all sorts of negative comments. Okay, I haven’t come across any but I wouldn’t be surprised. Supporters will say that Eva’s disabilities should have been taken more into account while there will some who will downplay Eva’s accomplishments by stating that she only wowed the crowd because of her disability and is simply vying for the sympathy vote. It didn’t look like that to me.

One more fear I have is that the more ignorant will start using the successes of Eva and Born to Perform to say that anyone with special needs will be using their disabilities to go on BGT. That this will somehow lessen the talents of so-called normal people. It won’t but that’s bullies for you. When they see someone they deem inferior achieve, they set out to demean the achievement. As for me, I loved watching the talents of both Eva and Born to Perform and hope they will be on the same show in the semi final.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1653336255&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or email me at; tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

Is Will Smith a Bully?

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books, bullying, Chris Rock, fights, films, police, schools, television, Texas, Will Smith

The famous slap at the Oscar’s

Unless you’ve been living on Pluto over the past week, you would have undoubtedly heard about actor Will Smith slapping comedian Chris Rock when Mr. Rock made a comment about Smith’s wife Jada who has cut her hair very short because she suffers from alopecia. My question about this incident is: Was Will Smith being a bully or was he simply coming to the defense of his wife? Whoever wrote this letter to the Berkshire Gazette, (I am assuming it is Berkshire, England), definitely has a strong opinion on the matter.

Letter: Will Smith sets an example for bullies

• Mar 30, 2022

To the editor: My congrats to Will Smith for setting such a fine example to children on how to deal constructively with angry feelings.

Him being a father and all, how can you not give him credit for that? If school bullying becomes more of a problem, don’t be surprised if Smith’s physical assault on Chris Rock at the Oscars is an inspiration, including Rock’s refusal to press charges.

Rock shouldn’t have shot his mouth off about Jada Smith like he did. At the same time, assault is assault. Slapping, punching, pushing, shoving — all assault. Will Smith’s actions were illegal. Him being a movie star makes it no less true. He should be arrested, charged and jailed.

Here’s the issue as far as I’m concerned. For generations upon generations, boys have been taught that the best way to get what they want in life is by using their fists. Many bullies adopt this philosophy and use it to the utmost when they bully. Therefore, it can be said that Smith was being the bully when he slapped Rock for his comments. In line with the above letter, it does send a message to children that violence is the way to solve things.

On the other hand, it is understandable that Smith was coming to the defense of his wife. It is no secret that Rock’s comments were totally out of order. Therefore, some will say that Smith was being chivalrous and not a bully. I can see the point here. My wife suffers from male pattern baldness and has found it easier to shave off all of her hair. She has been completely bald for five years. No one has ever said anything derogatory or insulting to her about it but if someone did, I might be tempted to act in similar fashion to Smith. However, I also know that any punk would not be worth risking arrest and all the implications which go with it but that wouldn’t stop me from voicing my disapproval at any comments. I would inform them of her condition and making comments about it isn’t right.

Here’s my conclusion. The slapping was a one-off incident and not bullying. I don’t think Will Smith will go around slapping Chris Rock again, nor will he use it as a threat in the future. That would make it bullying! Saying that, it does send a message to bullies that violence is the answer when it’s not.

On a lighter note: I am also sharing this piece on how the Houston police drove a boy who suffers from cerebral palsy to school after he was pushed out of his wheelchair by bullies because the boy dressed up for Career’s Day as a police officer. Well done to the Houston police. Please watch the video as it is a very heartwarming story.

https://www.fox26houston.com/news/boy-bullied-pushed-out-of-wheelchair-at-school-for-dressing-as-police-officer-becomes-honorary-investigator

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1649171855&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or you can email me direct at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

It Would Be Great If All Schools Did This

Tags

bullying, media, newspapers, parents, protest, schools, social media

Anti-bullying protest at Northside Middle School in Elkhart, Indiana

LKHART, Ind. (WNDU) – Hundreds of North Side Middle School students walked out in protest of the district’s handle on bullying Tuesday.

This comes after 12-year-old Rio Allred, a former NSMS student, committed suicide last week following heartbreaking claims that she was bullied by several of her classmates.

Many students saying the bullying behavior often going unchecked by their own school.

“This should have never happened to Rio in the first place. The school system failed Rio. They failed us,” 7th grade student Corgan Hammond says. “This could have been prevented so many times over but it wasn’t and that is unforgivable! They knew what was going on. Elkhart Community Schools knew what was happening to Rio Allred and they did nothing. That will never be forgotten!

Joining students were dozens of parents holding their own posters in support of Rio just eight days after she took her own life.

Rio reportedly suffered from alopecia, an autoimmune disease that made her hair fall out.

After starting off the school year wearing a wig, Rio’s mother, Nicole Ball, told 16 News Now last week that students began ripping it off Rio’s head. Ball also claims her daughter was smacked upside the head in front of the entire class for not having any hair.

“Rio has brought together an army and that army stands for you!” Rio’s grandfather told students who participated in the walkout.

Other students like Rio’s best friend, Lilly Dolph, says despite how heartbroken she is, she is happy to see the support for Rio.

“I feel proud there are so many people here sticking up for my best friend and proud that everybody is celebrating the fact that we will win this war,” Dolph says.

Tim Miller, a teacher at North Side Middle School, says he taught Rio in his College & Career class last semester. When asked about losing Rio, Miller took a deep breathe.

“I think we all failed Rio in some way. We need kids to say to tell us to tell teachers and administration we’re not doing enough to protect these people from getting bullied,” Miller says.

In case it was not already clear, the message from many students and parents was found on dozens of posters denouncing the danger behind bullying, and demanding justice for Rio Allred.

School officials are holding an Elkhart School Board meeting at Elkhart High School Tuesday evening that is expected to address some of the concerns from parents and students.

A GoFundMe page has been setup for anyone who like to donate and support the family of Rio Allred.

In effort to continue the fight against bullying, family members have created a nonprofit organization in honor of Rio called Rio’s Rainbows.

Disclaimer: I didn’t write this article, it came to my attention through my Google- Alert on bullying. Just imagine though, students walking out in protest every time bullying wasn’t addressed by those who are supposed to know better. Bullying would be eradicated from our schools in a few weeks!

Book Review: From Victim to Victor by Cherie White

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books, bullying, Cherie White, From Victim to Victor, parents, schools, teachers

As I promised a few weeks earlier, I am writing my review on Cherie White’s book, “From Victim to Victor.” It’s an account of how the author endured years of horrific bullying and eventually overcame it and has gone on to lead a full and glorious life. As I read the book, Cherie’s experiences had me reflecting back to my own bullying experiences and comparing and contrasting them. Her well written, no holds bared account was very eye opening and very honest. While she was the target of such awful bullying, she doesn’t try to play the victim card and expect you just to give her sympathy but she does earn it!

Like Cherie, the bullies came out for me on the first day I started school in my new town. It seems neither of our towns were tolerant of new arrivals. I was immediately branded weird while without even getting to know her, Cherie was thought of as thinking she was better than everyone else. It was clear in the book that it wasn’t the case. Another similarity is that the bullying didn’t always end when we left school. Cherie’s happened on the school bus while in my case, I was targeted while walking home from school. Another similarity is that we eventually found someone lower down to unload our frustrations on. We sometimes were the bullies and fair play to the author here, she doesn’t try to justify it or sugar coat it in any way. This has given me thoughts for a future post but this isn’t about that.

Our schools showed little or no interest in our plights. However, while teachers at my school showed feigned some interest in what I was going through, although they were quick to believe the bully’s version of events over mine, teachers and the principal at her school blamed her for the bullying she was suffering. While I had some instances of victim blaming, she had it all the time. This includes parents. My mother thought my bullying was my fault because I didn’t fight back but Cherie was afraid to even speak to her parents about it as she felt it would have been worse for her. It eventually became that way for me.

Cherie White

Not that they weren’t there already but my sympathies were totally with Cherie at the end when she moved out of the town where she was so badly bullied. When I moved out of the town, I had no more connection with anyone living there. I think they were just as glad to see me go as I was to leave. And for both of us, our lives drastically improved when we got to our new towns. Our grades improved and Cherie was able to use her singing talents while I made the basketball and baseball teams. Unfortunately for her, the bullies caught up with her. First, she was accused by residents of her former town of destroying the high school. Then she was called up by some of those bullies and threatened with violence and even death. Thank God, I didn’t have that and that is why Cherie is a true victor!

In conclusion, I will go out on a limb and declare Cherie White’s book, “From Victim to Victor,” the Bible for anyone who has been involved in bullying in any way. Whether you have been a target of bullying, a parent of the target, a teacher or other school official or even a bully, then this is a must read for you. I know that the experiences of the author with stop and make you think, it did me. However, the best message this book can send is that even if you are being bullied, it’s not forever and you can overcome and go onto lead a full life. You can overcome!

After reading this book, I feel unworthy to post a link to He Was Weird in this post.

A Victory for the Bullies!

Tags

Arkansas, bullying, racism, schools, social media, teachers, teasing

I had allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security. Looking back through my archives, I discovered that my last “Victory for the Bullies” post was way back in 2017. That’s nearly four and a half years ago! Therefore, I hoped that schools, police and others in authority had woken up and realized that they shouldn’t use semantics in the law to punish victims of bullying when all they were trying to do is to stop their torment. Unfortunately, there was an incident in Arkansas late last week which has dashed my hopes.

A cell phone video shows a black boy who was obviously being bullied by a larger white male who was goading the black boy into fighting him. When the goading goes no where, the bully increases his bullying, eventually escalating to throwing a shoe at the victim’s head before finally attacking him. Unlike in instances in the past, we don’t know who took the video so at least the victim wasn’t punished for that and the bully was suspended for his actions. However, the target was given the exact same suspension! That was the victory for the bully. Even though you can see from the video, he was the total aggressor, his target, who was trying to avoid confrontation, was doled out the same punishment. FFI, see below:

Caution: the video in the article may be disturbing to some viewers.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10575047/Arkansas-high-school-suspends-black-boy-filmed-trying-avoid-fight-white-bully.html

Schools’ normal justification for such things is that it takes two to have a fight and therefore both parties are at fault. Who started it is of no importance. To me, this just stinks of school officials being too lazy to properly investigate what happened and find it easier to punish both parties. However, in this particular case, we have overwhelming evidence that the one boy was a direct target of bullying who did all he could to try to get out of the situation. Upon seeing this video, there is no way that the target should have received any punishment.

What is also mentioned in the article was the fact that no teachers, coaches or other staff were anywhere around to see what happened. If they were, then the entire affair could have been avoided or at least, the bully could have been seen for what he was and dealt with accordingly.

I am happy to say that there has been a backlash from parents who are demanding that the target’s punishment be revoked. While some will cry, “playing the race card,” the article hints that things would have gone differently had the races of victim and bully been reversed or if they had both been African American. I agree with those who say that the school needs to feel some heat over this and that the bully’s victory be reversed.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1646679655&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or you can email me at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

Don’t Make Excuses, Get Help!

Tags

Americans, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bullying, christianity, Great Britain, mental health, parents, religion, stereotypes

All throughout my childhood, I was told that I was crazy, nuts, labelled a freak, told I need to see a psychiatrist and all sorts of things. The main purpose behind all of this was to bully me but as I grew in years, I sometimes wondered if I could have done with some help. That brings me to the first obstacle as to why I didn’t. Growing up in the 1960s and 70s, mental health was seen as a taboo subject and anyone who was undergoing any sort of therapy was looked upon almost as if they were a mass murderer. I’m not making this up!

Unfortunately, this attitude was reflected on my mother. When I finally had a huge meltdown right before my 16th birthday, I yelled that “I needed to see a shrink!” My mother didn’t send me to one, instead I went to a minister who had some training in psychology. I came from a religious background which I’ll get to in a minute. Anyway, when I first reflected back on this a few years later, I assumed it was my white middle class American upbringing which made my mother shun the psychiatrist idea on account of she worried about what the neighbours were going to think. That thought may still have had something to do with it but I think it was more down to her seeing it as a negative reflection on her parenting. So that’s my first shout to parents who have children who might have difficulty. Getting your child the help he or she might need is in no way any indication you are a bad parent! In fact, it is very much the opposite because you care enough about your child to get them the help they need.

Onto the subject of religion. I was a Born Again Christian throughout my teenage years. I don’t know about other religions but in the case of Christianity, there is a negative view of the mental health field. “Bring them to the Lord!” they will shout. Well, I did go to the Lord first and that only messed my head up more. However, I didn’t seek mental health because I believed those in the church who said that once a psychiatrist find out a patient has religious beliefs, they immediately blame all the problems on the patient being a ‘religious freak.’ There are some mental health professionals who have this view about religious followers but most will not brand you a freak and many will work around those beliefs. So, ignore those religious zealots who think mental health problems are the work of Satan.

I served in the US Marine Corps as a young adult. While serving, I had those who branded me crazy among other things. One platoon sergeant said he was going to send me to a psychiatrist. He never did and the reason I think why is that the military looks suspiciously at those who purport to have mental problems. Many in higher ranks would have seen my call for help merely as an attempt to get a discharge from the Corps. It didn’t help that some of my fellow marines did try to get themselves discharged and a tiny few succeeded, like the guy who pretended to ride a motorcycle everywhere he went. I might tell that story another time. Anyhow, if the Marine Corps wasn’t so paranoid of people trying to get out any way they could, they could have possibly provided me with the help I needed.

When I came to Great Britain a few years after leaving the service, my mental problems didn’t go away. When I talked about getting help, my then wife responded that going to a psychiatrist or a counsellor was something ‘Americans did’ and you just didn’t do that in Great Britain. Her view in my mind was aided by a few ignorant British people who went around thinking that Americans are so weak-minded, that they have to talk to their therapist because they can’t cope with their pet hamster dying. Let me tell you, don’t let this stereotype prevent you from getting the help you need. I was wrong for letting that and all the other mentioned excuses prevent me from getting the help I needed much sooner.

Fortunately, I did get help. At the tender age of 42, I put myself into counselling. With the help of the counsellor, I was able to peel back the pages of my life and while it didn’t solve my problems, it gave me insight as to how they came about and how to deal with them. In fact, the counsellor gave me the confidence I needed to write “He Was Weird” and my first book “Rock and Roll Children.” I put the counsellor in my ‘Special Thanks’ page in the first book.

Needless to say but I will say it, if you think you need help, get it. Whether it’s through your doctor or elsewhere, get the help you need. It doesn’t make you weak or a heathen or a shirker and if you are a parent, getting help for your child doesn’t mean you are a failure, quite the opposite!

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1643043778&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Or email me direct at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

If Bikers Had Come to My Aid

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bikers, bullying, motorcycles, schools

I would have loved for these guys to have picked me up from school.

Having Asperger’s Syndrome and being a victim of bullying is a dangerous combination. First, as I experienced directly for three agonizing years, I was bullied because of my Asperger’s, which was the theme of my book, “He Was Weird.” However, the experience has also left me to see the downside of things. These negative thoughts came to pass before last weekend when I posted the video of bikers coming to pick up a child who was bullied from school. As a result, that boy, Zeke, isn’t being bullied any more, so well done to those bikers! In case you missed it, here’s the video again.

Even though a half a century has passed since I went through the bullying hell, the memories still remain and I would have loved it at the time if bikers had come to pick me up from school in front of all of those who were bullying me. Unfortunately, with my Asperger’s and my tendency to see the negative, I can’t help thinking that my ending would not have been as glorious as Zeke’s. First of all, my bullying hell happened in the early 1970s when bikers were seen as definite outlaws. Therefore, the school would not have been as hospitable to them as the school in the video. The school would have immediately called the police. Furthermore, even though the bikers’ intentions would have been noble, they might have been stopped from carrying out their mission. Even if they had come and taken me away in front of the student body, some of the spoiled brats who were my bullies would have gone home and told their parents that a motorcycle gang was terrorizing the school. These parents would start screaming that their children aren’t safe, (despite the fact I wasn’t), and demanded action be taken. If they couldn’t get the MC for anything illegal, the school and the police would have come down on me or my mother for inviting this ‘criminal element’ into their school.

While many students at the school would have thought it cool a motorcycle club had shown up at the school, their jealousy of them coming to give me a lift would have sparked further bullying. Those rich children of lawyers would have sounded off how if the bikers did anything to them, they’d be arrested and many would have taken the school’s negative reaction to the club coming to their school as a message to bully me more. There would have been taunts of how my motorcycle friends couldn’t do anything. Therefore, while I would have been bully free for a few days, the arrival of a biker gang to come give me a ride would have made things worse.

This was and still is a factor in bullying in a leafy suburban town, where many have money. Money is power and that combination gives people and their children the power to throw their weight around in such settings. Rich kids can be bullies because they know that mommy and daddy will come to their aid, often times with high priced lawyers. I had this experience myself and it is little wonder that my first wife used to call me an ‘inverted snob.’

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&dchild=1&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1635789441&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

What If They Knew I Had DAMP?

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bullying, DAMP, schools, teachers, teasing

Any excuse to use my book cover

Although the setting in my book, “He Was Weird,” is in contemporary times, my experiences on which the book is based on happened in the early 1970s. There are a number of reasons why I decided to do it this way, like the fact that school shootings weren’t heard of back then or at least hadn’t hit middle class white suburbia. With no internet back then, I wouldn’t have been able to include the cyber-bullying which the protagonist suffers either. There are a few more reasons but those are the two main ones.

I have heard many people from my generation and before say things like, “They didn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome or ADD in my day.” Hopefully, you are seething with rage at that ignorant statement. In fact, I wrote a post a few months ago dedicated to all the things I was called back then because they didn’t have terms such as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADD or what I believe I have, DAMP. This brings me to the point of today’s post, what if I had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome or DAMP? Would it have made any difference to the way I was treated during those three hellacious years?

In “He Was Weird,” the main character, Mark, is eventually diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and DAMP. However, in spite of his diagnosis, there is no let up in the bullying. One of his bullies accuse him of getting all sorts of money from the government and living off welfare in a similar fashion of how many white Americans accuse non-white ones. Furthermore, although Mark’s teachers say that they will make allowances for him and help to meet his needs, in reality, they don’t fully carry it out. So, for Mark, even in modern times where more is known about these conditions, there is no help or no let up in his mal-treatment.

Moving to the real world, say that back when I was that age and they did have the terms Asperger’s Syndrome, ADD, ADHD and DAMP. Would the schools and teachers moved more to help me? Would the students not have bullied me so much? My first thoughts to these questions go back to the first teacher I had when I moved to the town, who I based the Miss Erichetti character on. That teacher was old school and would not have been sympathetic to my needs. Actually, she would have used it as further evidence to put me in ‘the box.’ Note: I did spend several weeks with my desk and chair in a cardboard box. The teacher thought it would help me concentrate more. It didn’t and it lead to more bullying.

Other teachers might have made more of an effort to accommodate me. They could have catered more to my strengths and supported me more in my weaknesses and may have made some allowances for me. How far they would go is the question I can’t answer. What I feared is that the fact that some teachers would have gone an extra mile to meet me needs would have generated more bullying towards me. There would have been those bullies who would have accused me of making it all up despite any medical evidence to the contrary. Others would have continued the bullying just because they could.

My answer to the question in the title is that I don’t know if it would have made any difference. This was a town where there was pressure to be perfect and had high expectations of its children. Someone who has some sort of learning difficulty would not have reflected well on the status of the community. That’s one thought, the opposite of which, they might have given me full support, if only to raise the town’s status by saying they don’t leave anyone behind. I can honestly say that whichever scenario answers the question, it would be interesting to see how it would have developed.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&dchild=1&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1607373137&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

Socio-Economic Factors of Bullying in Literature: Rupture

Tags

books, bullying, Great Britain, Rupture, Simon Lelic, social settings

“Rupture” by Simon Lelic is different from the other books I have covered in the series of Socio-Economic factors in bullying for several reasons:

1. The story takes place in Great Britain and not the US.
2. The target of the bullying is a teacher as opposed to a student and the teacher gets bullied by both students and a fellow teacher.
3. The school is in a low income part of London and not a middle or even upper middle class high school.
4. The story is told from the point of view of the investigating police officer.
5. The chief bullying student is a known trouble maker and not one of the ‘popular jocks.’

In spite of this, we have a few glaring similarities:

1. Someone is bullied to the point where they snap and go into the school with a gun and carry out the unthinkable.
2. School authorities know the bullying is going on a do nothing about it.

My obvious conclusion here is that bullying is not limited to wealth, status or even athletic ability. Anyone can bully or be bullied and that includes adults as well as children. Likewise, any target of bullying is capable of snapping and doing something horrific in response. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter how rich or poor the school is, if bullying is allowed to happen at a school, then it’s a serious matter and must be stopped.

What I liked about “Rupture” is that it debunked the myth that school shootings in the UK were impossible because it is so difficult to get access to guns. Well, Samuel Szajikowski proved that it is possible. Furthermore, there was a contemplated school shooting in the UK, a couple of years back, fortunately, it didn’t happen.

https://peacefulrampage.wordpress.com/2017/09/11/attention-uk-it-could-now-happen-in-your-country/

Next post: He Was Weird

To buy He Was Weird, go to: ttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Weird-Publisher-Generation-Publishing/dp/B00SLVHRFG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=36I8I1G32U0R4&dchild=1&keywords=he+was+weird&qid=1605525174&s=books&sprefix=he+was+%2Cstripbooks%2C148&sr=1-1

I’m Speaking Out About It Now

Tags

1970s, anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, He Was Weird, mental health, Mothers, schools, sexual abuse, teachers

There is a scene in my book, “He Was Weird,” which I call the “Smiley Incident.” To bring those who haven’t read it up to speed, Smiley is a substitute PE teacher at Mark’s school. While Mark is playing basketball with his fellow students, Smiley begins calling Mark, “Coordination Plus.” Then at one point, when Mark has his back to him, Smiley pulls Mark’s shorts down thus humiliating Mark in front of his entire class resulting in him getting teased about it for the rest of the day. When he goes home after school, Mark tells his mother about the pulling down of his pants. His mother and his grandfather immediately contact the police and have Smiley arrested.

As is the case with Mark throughout the story, even though Smiley pleads guilty to indecent assault as part of a deal and is banned from working with children for five years and put on the sex offenders list for two years, it doesn’t end well for him. Fellow classmates who support Smiley take the consequences he faces for his action out on the victim. This leads to Mark being further bullied and even to physical violence because he told his parents and had Smiley sent away.

Like with so many instances of bullying mentioned in the book, this too happened to me. However, it did not happen during the three years of bullying hell which I suffered and inspired me to write “He Was Weird.” In my freshman year in high school, I did encounter a man nicknamed Smiley who volunteered as an assistant wrestling coach, I’m not totally sure of that fact, at my school. He did join in with us playing basketball at one of my PE classes and he did call me ‘Coordination Plus.’ Most importantly though, he did pull my shorts down. However, I did nothing about it. In fact, I never mentioned it until 14 years ago when I was in counselling.

Why didn’t I report it back then? Well the main answer to that is that if I had, nothing would have been done about it. Attitudes were different in 1976 and while this doesn’t excuse it, it does highlight the fact that if I had reported it to the school, Smiley would have gotten a mere slap on the wrist at most and I would have been made out to be the weak ‘pussy’ for telling on him. This was why I was so easily able to write about the reprisals on Mark in the story because I genuinely feared that would have happened to me if I had reported it. I probably would have been beaten up by the wrestling team, so I feared. That’s why I never said anything. Ironically, when working as a substitute teacher a few years back, I did tell a class of children around the same age Mark was in the story about it. They overwhelmingly stated that I should have had Smiley done. Oh, how things have changed.

For those same reasons, I have never told my mother. She passed away in March never knowing that her son had been indecently assaulted in high school. I believe at the time, if I had told her, she and my grandfather would have reacted the same way Mark’s do in the story and even though it was 1976, would have tried to have Smiley prosecuted. They probably would have succeeded in getting him banned from the school. However, my fears were that all of the above things mentioned would have still happened to me. I would have been the bad guy for reporting it, even more so because I got my mother involved and there would have been a backlash. Therefore, I never told anyone. Besides if I had brought it up to my mother years later, it would have only caused her more grief, so I’m glad I never told her.

One final reason why I am only posting about it now after all these years is down to my own Asperger’s fueled anxieties. Former abuse victims have been coming out and telling about their awful experiences and I praise them highly for doing so. That leads to another anxiety; having my shorts pulled down isn’t nearly as bad as some of the sexual abuse others have suffered. Because what I experienced isn’t horrific, I felt I had no right to talk about it. It’s only now that I do and what it has done is make me even more empathetic to those who have suffered worse things than I. Also there’s my anxiety that because people are coming out about their abuse, I will be seen as simply jumping on the bandwagon. While it might sound daft, I do hope that people don’t really think that.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1543425136&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird