It Seemed Logical to Me

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anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, D.A.M.P., He Was Weird

It did seem very logical to me that after the last post about my perceived weirdness vs others’ intolerance that I expand further on things that seemed logical to me. The problem is that people who have DAMP (Deficiencies in Attention, Motor skills and Perception), what seems logical to that person doesn’t seem logical to the rest of the world. This alone ends up with many who have DAMP to be perceived as weird and as I can tell you, sometimes leads to bullying. But who’s to say what is logical and what isn’t? I mean if you want pure logic, you best talk to this guy.

The only truly logical person I know.

Very recently, I had an occasion which might have seemed logical to me but not anyone else. I was given a supply (substitute) teaching assignment at a chain nursery. There are two I’ve been to quite near each other so when they said the name Carterton, I knew it would be either one. What I didn’t know was that Carterton was the actual town the nursery was in. I thought one was in a town called Brize Norton because there are signs for the town all around the area and many of the parents who use the nursery are stationed at the air force base at Brize Norton. That was why when I got near both nurseries, I telephoned the agency to find out if Carterton was the one in Brize Norton or Witney. The agency, probably confused about what I meant, told me Witney. So I went there and when I presented myself at the nursery, I was told they hadn’t booked anyone. I asked if this was Carterton and was told that it was the other one. Therefore, I had to truck over to the other nursery but was still 20 minutes late. It was also on this journey where I drove past a big sign saying “Carterton” very near my destination. I swear I never saw that sign before. Anyway, my logic was that I thought that the nursery in Carterton was Brize Norton because, logically, I saw so many signs for the town and the fact that so many parents are stationed at the base. It seemed logical to me.

Another big example was nearly 20 years ago. All my family (then wife and three children) were going to spend Christmas with my mother in the US. To spend while we were there, we had over $£700 in cash and the rest were going to be in travellers’ checks. The plan was to buy £1000 in checks. However, my thought was buy half of those checks in dollars and the other half in sterling. The thought was that if we needed more money, we could easily cash them for dollars and if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have to pay any conversion rate. The thought seemed very logical to me. Unfortunately, my wife at the time wasn’t best pleased with my logic and made it quite clear to the point of even calling one of her friends to tell her how stupid I was. For about seven years after, three after we split up, I was beating myself up for committing some atrocious act of stupidity. It took my counselor to point out that what I did seemed logical to me and I shouldn’t have been so self condemning. The irony was that, in spite of our attempts to spend all our money, we came home with $900 in unspent traveller’s checks. So, maybe my logic wasn’t so bad after all. By the way, my ex wife did apologize for her overreaction.

There are many more instances where things I have done seemed logical to me but not to any “normal” person. When I worked in a factory, I had this used against me on occasion. There is a case in “He Was Weird” and it happened to me in real life where I did something logical to me but not to anyone else. A month after Mark moves to Ramsgate, the boys in his class are told to line up in alphabetical order to hand in work to the teacher. Having been the ‘new kid’ on two other occasions, Mark follows familiar protocol and lines up at the end of the line. Unfortunately, the teacher ridicules him on the grounds that L doesn’t come at the end of the alphabet. When Mark tries to explain that because he was new, he went at the end, the teacher heaps further ridicule on him and humiliates him in front of the class. This teacher had no sympathy for the fact that Mark had DAMP and it added to the bullying he was getting.

My conclusion here is that like beauty, logic too, is in the eyes of the beholder or in this case the mind. What is logical to one person may not be logical in the eyes of others. Just because the masses may think what one person is doing is illogical, it doesn’t mean it is. It’s certainly not in the mind of that one person. Once the world realizes that, there would be less ridicule and definitely less bullying.

To buy He Was Weird, go to http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1456347597&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

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Weirdness, Intolerance or Just Logical to Me?

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anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, Great Britain, He Was Weird, ice hockey, imagination, intolerance, Marine Corps, Self Esteem, stereotypes, teasing

After last weeks post, many more examples of things I had done in my past which others consider weird but have me thinking that those persons were just being intolerant have come to mind. One of those was in sixth grade. When my work was finished, I would sometimes amuse myself by playing hockey on a piece of paper. I would draw out the layout of the ice and with a pencil, draw the movements of the puck up and down the ice. Obviously, many of my class thought this was weird and some often thought I was doing that instead of my work, not the case. Even if it was, it didn’t really bother anyone and at least I was able to amuse myself without disrupting the class. So, I don’t think anyone had a case to moan about it unless it was to tease me or use it as an excuse to bully me.

My beloved Philadelphia Flyers

A more recent example, although still twenty five years ago, was when I worked in a factory in East London. The factory made industrial fragrances and no matter how much I looked after my clothes or took showers, I would often come home smelling of my work. My solution to this was to wear my fatigues I had from the marines to and from work. When I got home, I immediately cast them into an unused closet, had a bath and got into other clothes. The cammies were only on my body an hour to an hour and a half a day in total, a half to three quarters of an hour each way. This didn’t stop some from thinking that I wore them all of the time and making comments about them smelling. Granted, they didn’t know that I changed as soon as I got home but they didn’t bother to ask either. Then again, most of those guys in question were stereotypical Essex men who are the closest thing Britain has to the American redneck. The major difference is that I don’t know of any Essex men who married their cousins. Disclaimer: Not all men from Essex fill this stereotype. However, the guys I worked with did. One of them was even suspected of being in the BNP. That is why they were intolerant of me doing something which seemed perfectly logical in my mind. I let the fatigues catch the smells of the factory so my other clothes didn’t.

I save the most obvious one for the end because in my mind, it was the worst case of me being branded weird by those who were intolerant. I mentioned this in two previous posts, “Haircut Anxieties” and “Clothing Anxieties.” When I came home from the Marine Corps in 1983, all I wanted to do after four years of living under military rule was relax. I firmly believed that after four years of wearing a crew cut and having to dress like everyone else down to the smallest details whilst in the service of my country, I earned the right to go the other way. Therefore, I didn’t cut my hair for nearly a year and a half and I often wore a set of Native American moccasin boots. Unfortunately, looking like that in 80s Reagan America, I was not only branded ‘weird’ for the way I looked, but the recipient of much scorn and intolerance. What I found particularly frustrating is that no one could be bothered to link my eccentric dress and hair style to my being in the military. No one wanted to know my side and that was what I found particularly intolerant. I didn’t want a sympathy party or anything like that but I didn’t expect to be persecuted for wearing my hair or dressing unconventionally. However, there was a happy ending. Three years after my leaving the marines, I did journey to a place where people were much more tolerant of my dress sense.

I tried to look like this when I got out

I loved these boots

There are other examples of me being perceived as weird when actually those doing the perceiving were simply showing their intolerance. I say again, nothing I ever did that was considered weird actually effected anyone and in some cases seemed logical to me. So, it’s not a case of me being weird, it’s others refusing to acknowledge anyone having their own point of view.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455732390&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

Weirdness or Intolerance?

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American football, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, films, George Custer, He Was Weird, ice hockey, intolerance, labels, schools, soccer, teasing, television

Throughout my entire life, I have been considered to be ‘weird’ by many people. That was why I called my book “He Was Weird” because the main character, Mark, was thought by many to be weird as well. Needless to say, some of the things that I had done in my life to get me labelled that way directly resulted in the bullying I received. At the very least, I was often the recipient of teasing on account of things I did that some people thought of as strange. As I look back, however, I wonder if some of those so called weird things I did were actually weird or was it because those who saw me that way just wanted to be bullies or simply just being narrow minded or even intolerant.

This post, I am going to look at those things which were considered weird by some folk and determine if they were actually strange or was it just people being narrow minded.

The first case was when I was in third grade. At lunch, we had the small carton of milk that all schools had back then (the late 60s and early 70s). In my school, it was an offense to throw away a carton with any milk left in it so what I did was because I took a lunch box to school, I would pour all the milk from the carton into my thermos and then pour the milk from the thermos into the small cup that came with it. Some of my classmates thought this was very amusing and I got teased for it. These children thought that what I was doing was strange, but was it? At the time, because of my aspergers mind, I sometimes thought that I was doing something horribly wrong but thinking about it now, emptying the carton into the thermos like that seemed pretty logical.

Roll on a year later into fourth grade. At the time, I was heavily into warfare, especially that of the nineteenth century. I was a particular fan of General George Custer. Some people were more tolerant to this interest of mine than others and with my mind, the subject kind of ran away with me at times. I found a way not to be so annoying about it to people by drawing my interest. However, I was also very big on science fiction and horror films at the time. Eventually, I combined the two. In “He Was Weird,” Mark states that he made up a film called “General Custer vs Frankenstein.” I actually had an idea in my nine year old head for such a film. But what got me branded weird the most was the time I drew a picture of Daniel Boone fighting the Headless Horseman. Hey, at least they were roughly the same time period. I think I had one hell of an imagination back then, too bad people would rather ridicule it than encourage it.

General George A Custer

Now we go a few years further to eighth grade. This was 1974 and there were many attempts to start leagues in different sports. There was the North American Soccer League (NASL), World Team Tennis (WTT) and there as a profession lacrosse league although I can’t remember what it was called. Furthermore, this was the year of the failed World Football League (WFL) and it would be five more years before the World Hockey Association (WHA) was absorbed into the NHL. I supported teams in all of these sports and leagues. Being my local city, all but one were from Philadelphia, the Freedoms (WTT), well they did have Billie Jean King playing for them, the Wings (lacrosse), the Bell (WFL) and the Atoms, (NASL). The exception was in the WHA, I supported the Winnipeg Jets because they had hockey legend Bobby Hull playing for them and Philadelphia didn’t have a team. Someone in my class saw the teams names written down on my note book immediately told everyone in the year how weird I was for having a favourite team in every sport or league. Hey, I think that it shows how much into sports I was back then but to many, there was obviously something wrong with me mentally because of it.

So, I ask, was I weird on account of these things? After all, they were things that someone considered to be normal would do. I look at it this way. In each of these cases, they never bothered anyone unless that person chose to be bothered by it. In the case of my drawings, I know people who drew worse things at that age. In conclusion, I don’t think it was me being weird, it was just others looking for an excuse to tease or bully me using it. It wasn’t me being weird, it was others being intolerant.

Next post: I think I’ll do a part 2

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455050273&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

I Do Forgive My Bullies, But

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Auschwitz, books, bullying, forgiveness, He Was Weird, holocaust, Nazis, religion

Many people have told me and others who were victims of bullying that we should forgive them. That by not forgiving them, they still hold some power over their victims, me included. Well, the short answer is that I do forgive my bullies. After all, that was one of my main motivations for writing “He Was Weird” in the first place. Without giving any more of the story away, (I want you all to buy it), the final line in it is, in reference to Mark, “that he too could stop hating and forgive.” However, a couple of weeks ago, I watched something so astonishing, that it made my problems pale in comparison and showed things in a new light.

Eva Kor- The Girl Who Forgave the Nazis

The television programme was a documentary about Eva Kor, called “The Girl Who Forgave the Nazis.” Eva was born in Romania in 1934 and because she was Jewish, the Nazis took her entire family away to Auschwitz, where the family was separated and most of them died during their imprisonment. Because Eva had a twin sister, Miriam, they were both sent to Dr Mengeles, who used twins to carry out many of his sadistic experiments. Both sisters survived although Miriam died in the 1980s and would eventually start the group Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors or CANDLES.

What makes this story so extraordinary was that last year, the former accountant at Auschwitz, Oskar Groening, went on trial for his complicity in the holocaust. Eva was one of the many Auschwitz survivors brought in to testify against Groening. However, what she did shocked the world, especially many of her fellow survivors. She openly embraced the man who was responsible for taking away the possessions of the newly arrived prisoners and publicly forgave him.

Her actions caused a lot of controversy and debate. She was criticized by many of her fellow survivors who feel that it is not up to them to forgive the Nazis. That what was done to them was unforgivable. I can definitely see their point here but I must further applaud the courage of this remarkable woman. Saying that, while she might have forgiven Groening, she still testified against him and he was convicted of being an accomplice to mass murder and given four years in prison. At 94, that could be a life sentence for him.

All the while I was watching the programme, I kept thinking that if she could forgive people who committed such heinous acts against her, her family and her people, then I should completely forgive those who bullied me. Like I said, I do but there is a catch.

If I were to meet one of those ex bullies, I wouldn’t go up to them and say “I forgive you.” See, in the back of my mind, if I did that, they might think, he forgives us so we don’t have to be sorrowful for what we did to him. In my mind, that would give the bullies power over me. In order for me to actually udder those three magic words, they would have to express some sort of remorse for their actions. After all, Groening did apologize for the Nazis, although his defense of not knowing what actually went on was quickly dismissed. So, while I forgive in my heart, because it is very unlikely I will ever see any of them again, so forgiveness lightens my burden a great deal, for them to hear that forgiveness orally, they would have to admit their part.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1454447315&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird