The Versatile Bloggers Award

Tags

American football, Awards, ice hockey, Michael D LeFevre, music

I have had the honour of being nominated for the Versatile Bloggers Award by Maria who writes the blog Serene Aspergia. I would like to personally thank Maria for this honour and pass it on.

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and pass it on.
2. Share the award on your blog
3. Share random facts about yourself
4. Tag on 10 bloggers and tell them that they are nominated.

Seven facts about me:

1. While I have never been formally diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome or DAMP, (Deficiencies in Attention Motor Skills and Perception) I am convinced I have the symptoms of both.
2. While I referee and love American football, my favourite sport is actually ice hockey
3. I will be voting for Jill Stein of the Green Party in the upcoming US Presidential election
4. I am married with three children, seven step children and 12 step grandchildren
5. I love heavy metal music but am open minded about all forms of music
6. I think the 1980s was the golden age of heavy metal
7. I love cooking and find it destressing at times.

10 Blogs I would like to nominate for the award:

1. WindSweptChildOnAShootingStar
2. Anonymously Autistic
3. Mikeldano
4. Kamertunes blog
5. 1537
6. KEEPSMEALIVE
7. resurrectionsongs
8. Heavy Metal Overload
9. Metal Excess
10. David Snape

Have I Offended You?

Tags

Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, books, bullying, communication, He Was Weird, social settings, taking offence

This is something that I have always worried about all throughout my life. Reason why is because in my past, I have unintentionally done so because of not seeing a social situation on account of my Aspergers Syndrome. I have misread many a situation and ended up causing offense where none was intended. Although these days, I realize that some of those “offenses” were not actually offenses but the supposed victim of my unintended offense chose to simply take it as such. Furthermore, bullies of my past have often used this to justify their bullying of me. The result is the constant worry that I might have offended someone when I didn’t mean to at all.

This occurred again very recently. Twice a year, I organize a softball tournament where teams from all around the Southern UK come to play. We did have a team come from Leeds and one from Manchester but that was only once. Anyway, one team who has come to every tournament for the last five years without fail, isn’t coming to my one this Sunday. My first thought was that I must have offended them and I worried about it for far too long. I emailed them letting them know there was still a space available and apologized if I had offended them. Turns out that I didn’t at all. Their team captain explained the reason why they aren’t coming to this tournament is because one of their teammates is getting married on the Saturday and half the team are going to the wedding. I felt relieved.

With that said, my social bungling did upset another team. I had promised the captain of that team that I would contact them if a team pulled out of the tournament. One did and that sent me into overload as I was panicking about filling the vacated place. Also, I had heard that the team captain I had mentioned was now playing for another team. So what I did was open the invite to everyone. That team captain started getting a team together. However, another team had gotten in with their entry form so I accepted them. Obviously, the team captain was very angry with me and I can’t blame him. I have very humbly apologized to him but I haven’t heard anything back, plus I have made him special offers for next year’s tournament. I hope that helps. Still, I believe that my Aspergers caused me to bungle the situation and end up offending someone I didn’t mean to.

In this instance, I can’t draw any links with “He Was Weird,” because there weren’t any mentioned in the book. Saying that, there were plenty of bullies who were willing to find any excuse to bully Mark that there wasn’t any need for him to worry about unintentional offense. Still, I think that experience which I wrote about also has influenced the fact that I do worry so much about causing offense. It is something that comes up in my life quite a bit but I still don’t think I adequately handle it.

To buy He Was Weird, go to https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475004278&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Glasses Make the Person

Tags

anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, bullying, D.A.M.P., glasses, He Was Weird, relationships, Self Esteem

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Last week I had to get a new pair of glasses. The frames from my previous pair were too mangled to continue wearing so I had to choose new ones with the new prescription. After looking at several pairs, the female sales assistant pointed out a couple that I might be interested. I tried on a few pairs and one pair that seemed to work looked a lot like the black horn rimmed glasses I wore until I was 13. This brought back flashbacks to that time and lots of anxiety. While I don’t think I’m vain, I did ask the sales assistant to tell me what they looked like from a woman’s perspective and she said she liked them. Therefore, those were the ones I got.

These were a bad memory from my youth

To many people, my anxieties were over nothing. After all, why get all obsessed over a pair of glasses? The answer is that wearing glasses like those above, contributed to a lot of the bullying I received back then. I remember one time someone said hello to me while he was with someone else who didn’t know me. While they were walking away, I heard the person who didn’t know me ask the other, “Is he as uncoordinated as he looks?” There were also teasing comments like, “You’re really good looking” and when I did eventually switch to wire framed glasses, my friend confessed that I looked like a fool in the old ones above. After that, I vowed that I would never get those glasses again.

Getting the new glasses did a lot for my self esteem, especially after some people complimented me on how different and better I looked. I would have liked to say that the new glasses solved all my problems but unfortunately, they didn’t. The seeds that produced all the bullying I was going through had long been firmly rooted. In fact, one bully threatened to ram the new glasses down my throat. Fortunately, I moved out of that town a few weeks after and I would like to think that showing up to the new school on the first day wearing those wire frames kept me from being identified as an easy target. It also contributed to the fact that I only suffered one-one hundredth of the amount of crap there than I did in my previous town. So, I think that I can draw a conclusion that perhaps glasses do make a difference. If anything, they do wonders for self esteem.

This is probably why I highlight the glasses in “He Was Weird.” Mark also has glasses like the above at the start of the story and maybe that leads to him getting bullied on the second day of school. Like me, when he does get new glasses, it doesn’t end the bullying he’s suffering and unfortunately, he never gets to move to a new town. If he did, maybe the new impression would have helped him like it did me.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474485228&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

Intolerance Has Made Me More Tolerant

Tags

bullying, christianity, clothing, exclusion, France, Great Britain, intolerance, islam, Mormons, race relations, religion, sexism, social settings, stereotypes

In my last post, I talked about the intolerance I received as a youth and young adult over my clothing. Briefly, I caught a lot of grief from people because I still wanted to wear a baseball jacket when I was eleven and for growing my hair long when I got out of the marines. While it wasn’t as severe as the grief I got for my hair, I also caught a lot of intolerance over my chosen footwear, my Native American moccasin boots. The experience left me feeling rather bitter in many ways and kick started my angry young man phase, whose peak was reached the first year I came to Great Britain.

I loved these boots and wore them most of the time

One good thing, if you want to call it that, arose from all that intolerance. It made me learn to be more tolerant towards others, especially in the realm of clothing. For many years, this tolerance wasn’t tested much but recently, with all the talk about women’s dress and Islam over the past few years, that tolerance has been tested a lot more and it hasn’t always been easy.

First, let me join in the burka debate. Like so many well meant Westerners, I thought that this item of clothing was a means of suppression. I will agree that in some sects of Islam, it is. My eyes were opened quite a few years back when I was supply teaching at a school not far away. The school secretary was a Muslim woman in full burka. I have to admit, my personal stereotypes here had me around the edges until the woman initiated a conversation with me. After about 0.3 seconds of conversion with her, I realised that there was an actual person under the clothing and any prejudices I had rapidly vanished. So, I don’t think the burka should be banned, after all, it’s only an item of clothing and if a woman really wants to wear it, men have no right to object.

To head off some of those who are now flexing their typing fingers in response, I am the first person to acknowledge that their are Muslim men who want all women to cover up and if they had the power, would ban the mini skirt. I too was a little incensed when I read about gangs of Muslim men patrolling the streets of East London, calling themselves a Sharia patrol and ordering women to cover up. Furthermore, I have never agreed that a woman is asking for sex just because she chooses to wear such and item of clothing. She too has a right to wear what she wants and that even includes a woman who wears a mini skirt whom some men think she doesn’t have ‘the legs to wear one.’ That shouldn’t matter.

Maybe the Mormons are on to something here. Many of them claim that a woman can be beautiful without having to either hide it or flaunt it. A point to ponder here.

I have no problem with a woman wearing this

Or this

I think that the French shot themselves in the foot recently when officials at a beach banned a woman because she was wearing a burkini. When she was kicked off the beach, along with her children, I seriously doubt that she went home and changed into a bikini or even a one piece swimming costume and returned. No, she will probably never go to the beach again and that’s not fair for her. So France, I think you need to have a rethink on that one. While I don’t ever recall seeing a burkini, I would have no problem if I did see one.

Maybe because I was brought up seeing them that I’m used to it but while a woman should have the right to wear the burkini, she also has the right to wear a bikini. Yes, the more religious will claim that she is showing herself like a piece of meat but I don’t see it that way. I just see a woman wearing the necessary clothing to have a swim.

Both are fine on this beach, they’re fine with me

Now, I know that I have been mainly talking about women with religious views to clothing here but that has been the area wear my tolerance has been tested. For too many years, men of all persuations have been trying too hard to dictate to women what they should wear. I think that people have the right to wear what they like and that even includes men who like to wear dresses. It doesn’t effect my life so who the hell am I to judge. The same goes for body piercings, hair cuts or anything else that person fancies. I will endeavour to be tolerant of it because I have felt what it is like to suffer intolerance because of it.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473873538&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Intolerance is Intolerance!

Tags

anxiety, books, bullying, He Was Weird, intolerance, labels, Marine Corps, Self Esteem, stereotypes

Not too long ago and not in a galaxy far away, I responded on some other blog about the 1980s. On this blog, I commented about my memories of this decade. I wrote something along the lines of:

“I remember the 1980s, everyone having to work three jobs because they all paid minimum wage,  people wanting to censor music and all the intolerance I suffered for the heinous crime of having long hair.”

I wish I could have gotten my hair like this but it was long enough.

The blog in question was for the conservative type Americans and the particular post was against someone who wrote a book criticising the Reagan administration, so naturally, I got a few responses. The most memorable one was from a woman who wrote:

“Criticising hair styles is really intolerance. Poor victim, maybe you can get some money from the government for it.”

A man commented that if my only problem was people dissing me over my hair, then the 80s couldn’t have been that bad. Both of these missed the point. Let me begin by giving the definition of intolerance. It is: unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behaviour that differ from one’s own. In short, a great mass of people, especially those who attended my community college, were unwilling to accept me on account of the length of my hair. Therefore, they were intolerant! Plus, there was further intolerance because those same persons did not seem to accept my reasons for growing my hair long in the first place. For those who don’t already know, the reason why I grew my hair long was because I had spent four years in the US Marines. That meant I spent four years forced to wear very short hair while in the service of my country. People were either deaf by choice or simply just didn’t want to hear my reasons. That to me is the ultimate intolerance. When someone is willing to give reasons behind a certain behaviour and people don’t care to hear that someone.

That wasn’t the first intolerance I suffered and yes, I do go over this a bit in “He Was Weird.” In sixth grade, I wore a baseball jacket. (See picture below). I admit, I didn’t get a whole lot of grief over it but I was told by one classmate that the reason why nobody liked me was down to the fact that I wore babyish things. Again, we have more intolerance. After all, an eleven year old boy wearing a baseball jacket is a very good reason not to like him, NOT! Not accepting someone because of their clothes also follows the definition of intolerance.

My baseball jacket looked a little like this

Intolerance is bullying, plain and simple. Throughout the ages, people unwilling to accept others for their beliefs, actions and even clothing or hairstyles has resulted in many of the human catastrophes which have taken place throughout mankind’s history. It has taken intolerance towards me for something some might call trivial, to me it wasn’t, to make me more tolerant of others, especially in the field of hair and clothing.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473101724&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird