Since I have been working with adults whose Asperger’s Syndrome does not allow them to live without guidance and support, there have been two clients, one whom I work with on a regular basis, the other only few occasions, who resent God for afflicting them with Asperger’s Syndrome. The latter of the two has been known to lash out at God for doing so, while the former believes that once he’s ‘up there,’ God will take away all of his afflictions. Listening to both of them has made me reflect back on my life and remember that I felt the same way at times, especially in my youth.
The first time I questioned why God made me the way I am was in my teens. I seemed to be going through a patch where nothing went right for me. In fact, things got to the point where I concluded that the reason why God created me was that so the world could have a laugh at my expense. Believe me, it’s not very fun when you’re the one getting laughed at. I called out to God in prayer to help sort out my human weaknesses, which I believed God had given me too many of. Unfortunately, my prayers went unanswered for the most part. Sure there were periods when things went right but usually, they were followed by a great crash. My self esteem was very low although bible verses about false pride also flashed in my mind and that didn’t help. This led to my decision to join the marines after high school because I believed that the marines were going to correct all of the Lord’s mistakes.
Now some of you may be asking why didn’t I seek out help from the pastor or other church leaders. Well, after one particular dramatic blow up, my mother sent me to speak to a pastor at the local mission. That helped momentarily but one session was not enough. For the most part, I kept my feelings to myself because I thought that church leaders had more important things to do than to listen to my petty problems. Besides, most of the youth group considered me “weird” and I was afraid that if news of my problems leaked out, it would only confirm their thoughts. Another reason was someone, I couldn’t remember if it was a Sunday School teacher or another person in authority in the church, once said that a saying ‘that was the way God created me’ was a cop out. Therefore, I suffered in silence.
Like a said in a post many months ago, joining the Marine Corps didn’t solve my problems. They didn’t correct “God’s mistakes” but I changed in other ways. See, while in the service, I stopped trying to live for God because it never worked out for me anyway. When I left it, some of my so called Christian friends were quick to condemn me for being corrupted by the “evil heathens” which made up America’s military at the time. What they didn’t know was those seeds were planted long before I joined the marines. I even used the comeback that if God hadn’t given me so many weaknesses, I wouldn’t have had to join the marines.
A few years later, I did find something that answered the question a little when I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, (Mormons.) It is their belief that people with mental illnesses and other major weaknesses were given that challenge because they were valiant spirits during the war in heaven and therefore up to the challenge. In some cases, like people with profound difficulties, those spirits were put into those bodies to protect them from Satan who had vowed to get them when they came to Earth. For me, the Mormon explanation is the best one and while it made feel better about myself, it didn’t solve the problem. What has helped more and I agree with the LDS belief that God put these things on the Earth for our benefit, was counselling and various courses and sharing my experiences.
I still don’t know why God chose to make me the way I am. Maybe one explanation could be in “He Was Weird,” when the minister speaks at Mark’s funeral saying that God had great plans for Mark but Satan knew his potential as well and was why he heaped so much misery upon Mark. Of course, Mark’s experiences make one person in the story become an atheist because she states, “Why would God take someone like Mark, who only wanted to serve Him and allow him to go through so much pain?” As for me, if I get the chance, once I depart Earth, I will ask God why he made me this way. Hopefully then, I’ll have my answer.
To buy He Was Weird, go to http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453144961&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird
Peaceful Rampage 