Over the past few years, I have been working on my third novel. The reason why it has taken me so long and I’m only about halfway completed is that my motivation to write has been sapped. It comes and goes like the weather. I haven’t written anything in three months.
I won’t make excuses, I know the problem lies with me. My anxieties don’t help though. The main roadblock is the fact that my first two novels haven’t taken the literary world by storm. Last time I checked, they have sold less than 150 copies combined and that includes the ones I bought myself for promotional purposes. While everybody tells me not to be discouraged by that, I find that hard not to do. This is in spite of the fact that I have gotten positive feedback from people who read excerpts from what I’ve written so far. I can’t help thinking that these people are just being kind to me an that they really don’t like my writing.
Another roadblock is all of those self publishing companies who are more than happy to publish your book for the right price. I’ve done that twice and it hasn’t worked out. Plus, I have to do all the donkey work in contacting book shops, media and other people who might assist me in getting my novel out there. One has to be very confident in doing such things and with my Asperger’s fuelled fears of approaching people, I don’t have that type of confidence. Besides, I have always considered myself a writer, not a salesman.
New Year’s Resolutions are superficial and most are broken within the first month. That’s precisely why I won’t make any resolutions to write. However, I know I need to start writing again even if I don’t get published or if I do, the novel sells less than 50 copies. Many people I’ve spoken to think my topic of people let down by the justice system who form a vigilante group might be worth a read. Again, I wonder if it’s because they think like me or it’s the best of the other subjects I proposed. What I need to do is to not worry about outcomes, stop playing Age of Empires 3 in my spare time and actually put pen to paper and finish. However, a few words from you will go far in motivating me even more.