My Latest Short Story: Self Defense 2- You Provoked Him, The First Part

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I am finally going to jump on the band wagon here. Many of the blogs I follow put their stories on their blogs for all to see, so I am going to put my latest short story here. It is part of the latest novel I am working on called “The V- Network” which starts with several stories about people being let down by the criminal justice system who go on to form a vigilante group. Have a read and be as nice or as vicious as you like with the feed back.

No wonder she’s called ‘Amazon Glenda,’ Rochelle thought to herself as she struggled to break free of her opponent’s grasp. Glenda’s strong legs were securely wrapped around Rochelle’s head. Rochelle was finding it increasingly more difficult to breathe but there was no way she was going to succumb. With all her strength, she managed to get onto her side and then somehow, get up on her knees but it in no way lessened the pressure now being applied on her head. The move gave her some breathing space but still, her energy was slowly being sapped away.

The loud ding of the bell ended her ordeal and round three of the fight. Glenda was forced to release her head scissors and both combatants went to their respective corners of the octagon cage.

You were very fortunate the bell rang, otherwise she might have gotten you to submit,” her manager informed her, scoldingly.

Yeah, I know,” Rochelle affirmed as she spit out a mouthful of water into a bucket next to her.

Then you know to stay out of her grasp then. You’re strength is in your boxing ability, use that.”

Rochelle nodded as the words of advice echoed through her mind as she went out for round four. Immediately, Glenda charged at her but Rochelle side stepped and landed a round-house kick that caught her opponent in the mid-section. The blow had its desired effect. It enabled Rochelle to step inside the reach of the six foot two amazon who was six inches taller and land a left jab on the amazon’s chin. Glenda swung wildly but Rochelle parried that easily. Stepping in closer, she used all of her strength to land a right square onto her opponent’s jaw. Glenda crumpled to the mat in a huge heap. 

   The fallen gladiator made no movement while the referee counted to ten. Rochelle did her best to hide her exhilaration when the ref announced, “You’re out!” She raised her arms and let out a shrill scream in celebration of her latest victory. 

     Ring staff had only just managed to get the defeated Glenda to sit up as the ring announcer was proclaiming, “In thirty-eight seconds of the fourth round, the winner by knockout, Rocket Rochelle Dibley!” As the referee raised her right hand, she threw up her left, all the while, soaking up the applause of the crowd.

Memories of her latest victory was still fresh in Rochelle’s mind as she drove her delivery van into Brighton the following week. She was now undefeated in seven fights and her latest victory was her biggest yet. Amazon Glenda had been unbeaten in eight fights before meeting Rochelle. The MMA world had to take her seriously now.

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Read it On 80smetalman

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HI, I have tried to re-blog a marvelous post I read about metal illness and suicide but stupid WordPress didn’t give me the option as to which of my sites I wanted it posted to. It went straight to my 80smetalman’s Blog which is a music blog. If you want to read it and I recommend you do, go to http://www.80smetalman.wordpress.com

 

 

I Forgot the Most Obvious

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Reflecting on last week’s post, “You Don’t Have Asperger’s Syndrome,” I realized I didn’t include the most obvious one. I say the most because I’ve heard it used over and over again, especially on me. That is, “You don’t look like a person with Asperger’s Syndrome.” 

Really? I didn’t know that a person with Asperger’s Syndrome or any kind of Autism or mental illness was supposed to have a certain look. Someone please tell me, what is a person with Asperger’s Syndrome supposed to look like? I haven’t a clue.

Before I go into my own experiences let me introduce another example. We’ll call him Earl for this example. Earl has Asperger’s Syndrome but if you were to look at him, you wouldn’t think so. In fact, some new members of staff actually thought he was another member of staff when they first met him. That is at least until he produces his several bags containing Star Wars figures. Then it becomes clear why he is a resident of the home and not a member of staff. Because like so many of the residents I support, if Early had his way, he would spend all of his money on Star Wars and other film action figures and nothing else. Furthermore, there have been instances where staff have had to come in and save him from getting a beating because he had said something inappropriate to their girl friends. This is because he isn’t aware of many social norms and what is an isn’t appropriate to say to women. So, while Earl certainly doesn’t look like he has Asperger’s Syndrome, he does.

I too have had people saying that I don’t look like someone with Asperger’s Syndrome. That’s because they only know me from modern times and hadn’t seen me when I was younger. When I was twelve, I remember somebody asking another person who knew me, “Is he as uncoordinated as he looks?” So, there must have been something there. Then again, it seems for many years that I had “VICTIM” stamped across my forehead and was often the target of bullies. Therefore, I must conclude that back in my youth, I might have looked like someone who had some sort of metal illness. Asperger’s wasn’t a thing back then.

Nowadays, after many years of experience and often painful trial and error, I have learned how to survive in the “normal” world. I avoid things that might get me singled out as not normal or worse, make people think I’m an easy victim. I don’t look like someone who doesn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome but I am convinced I do have the condition. Sometimes, those little ‘ticks’ of mine do manifest themselves. Especially when there’s a lot on my mind and I’m trying to process it and my lips are saying what I’m thinking. Yes, I talk to myself, deal with it!

So, what does someone with Asperger’s syndrome look like? Well, they could look like me or Earl or any of a number of other people. There is no obvious look to the condition because often times, most mental illnesses aren’t visible.

For an account of my early life, read my book, “He Was Weird.” You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528876781&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

Song Lyric Quote: Ozzy Osbourne- Shot In the Dark

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Taught by the powers that preach over me,

I can hear their empty reasons

I wouldn’t listen, I’ve learned how to fight

I’ve opened up my mind to treason

But just like the wounded and when it’s too late

They’ll remember, they’ll surrender

Never a care for people who hate

Underestimate me now

But a shot in the dark, one step away from you

Just a shot in the dark, nothing you can do

Just a shot in the dark, always creeping up on you.

You Don’t Have Asperger’s Syndrome

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Through the five years I’ve been writing this blog and reading the blogs of others on related topics, the more I am convinced that I have Asperger’s Syndrome and DAMP. However, there are probably many who have known me in the years before and while the great majority of them would immediately point out that there is something wrong with me, they would be the first to shoot down my claim that I have Asperger’s. Of course, some of these people were bullies or simply wanted to control me and would only say that it’s not Asperger’s because they didn’t choose my affliction. What I am going to do now is to bring up the arguments I imagine would be used to counter my belief that I have the condition.

You’re just weird: Nobody is just weird. Many people have metal illnesses which cause them to be perceived as such. The fact that I appear weird to you only proves that I have some sort of mental condition, most probably Asperger’s.

Everyone is saying that they have Asperger’s these days: True, more and more people are being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and this is a good thing. No one is saying it to be cool or trendy but they simply realize that they may have it. Just because more people are saying they have something doesn’t mean that the majority of them are lying about it.

You just want to make excuses for yourself: Yes, I have had a lot of failure in my life and many successes. As I think back on the failures, sometimes it was down to my Asperger’s and DAMP and the way they affect my mind. I don’t need to make excuses but what I do need is for people to understand that I may do something that might seem not normal to you but logical to me. The other point is that I avoid many social situations that seem foreign to me because it does send my anxiety levels sky high. I now know why I have made many gaffes in these situations and my Asperger’s is a fact, not an excuse!

You’re proud of it: Uh, I doubt that anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome is proud of the fact they have it. Most Aspies I know hate that they have this condition. I am not proud of the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome and wish it would just go away.

You want everyone to feel sorry for you: Nobody has felt sorry for me before I found I have Asperger’s Syndrome nor do I expect anyone to feel sorry for me now. Persons with Asperger’s don’t want pity, they just want understanding and acceptance.

You want to play the victim: Having been bullied in my childhood because I had undetected Asperger’s Syndrome does tend to make me see myself as a victim. Therefore, I don’t need to play what I was. Many Asperger’s sufferers are easy victims because their condition makes them easy targets.

One from conservative Americans (Republicans mainly)- You’re hoping to get lots of money from the government and live off my taxes: No I don’t! I have a good job, actually three jobs so I am quite capable of supporting myself and family without help from the government. However, there are many people with Asperger’s who are not able to do so without support. These people aren’t welfare cheats, just ones in need of assistance. I even bring this argument into the story in “He Was Weird.”

There are probably many more of these out there and I would love to hear contributions from others. These are the ones I fear would be put my way from those who refuse to believe or accept that I have Asperger’s Syndrome.

To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528311903&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird

 

 

 

Song Lyric Quote: Ozzy Osbourne- Crazy Train

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Heirs of a cold war, that’s what we’ve become

Inheriting troubles, I’m mentally numb

Crazy, I just cannot bear

I’m living with something that just isn’t fair

Mental wounds not healing, who and what’s to blame

I’m going off the rails on a crazy train.

 

Ozzy will be headlining Download next Sunday, so you’ll get more of his lyrics in the next week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song Lyric Quote: Marilyn Manson- Fight Song

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But I’m not a slave to a God that doesn’t exist

I’m not a slave to a world that doesn’t give a shit

And when we were good, you just closed your eyes

So when we are bad, we’ll just scar your minds

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

 

Maybe he’ll play this one at Download. His live show is supposed to be spectacular, I can’t wait to see for myself.

 

Marilyn Manson- He didn’t inspire Mark in He Was Weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Do I Feel Like An A***ole?

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The reason I ask this question is based on an event from the past week. What happened was that one of my American Football officiating colleagues phoned me up and asked if we could swap games. Normally, I would have genuinely done so until he told me where his game was at. This made me hesitate because going to the new venue would have added about 60 miles round trip to my journey. Furthermore, I officiated a game there a few years earlier and it was the journey from hell. Therefore, I told him I would think about it.

Well, I did think about it and though he tried to give me alternatives that would make swapping seem attractive, I declined to swap and cited other reasons. Most important, I would have been given up the opportunity to officiate two games to travel further to do one. Because of work, I only get to officiate games every three to four weeks so for me, the more games I can get, the better. Second, the second game of the double header starts at the same time as the single game, so I would have been home later. Neither I or my wife want me being out too late, although the flip side is now I have to leave an hour and a half earlier but that’s not so bad. In the end, my colleague seemed to accept my reasons and was quite gracious about it.

In spite of all of the above, part of me feels like I am being a complete asshole towards this other guy. These thoughts arise from my past, when I did say no, there was someone out there to make me out to be the bad guy because I did. Furthermore, some of these were the same people who used to manipulate me because I was easy to do so. They didn’t get their way this time, so they made it all my fault, like I was being unreasonable. The problem was that with my Asperger’s and DAMP, I believed they were right and I was being some unreasonable asshole, when in reality, I wasn’t.

This feeling has plagued me throughout my life and is born of the belief that I am always wrong and combined with self doubt, for most of my life, I have thought that whatever I do, whichever decision I make, it’s going  to be wrong! If I stand up for myself and say no, in spite of having good reasons for doing so, I am wrong and if I give in and say yes, then I allow myself to be taken advantage of. The result has been not good for my mental well being and led for my feelings of self victimization for many years.

So, not that I need reassurances although it is good to get them, am I being an asshole for refusing to swap games? I don’t think so. I could go as far as to say the only reason he wanted to swap was that he wanted to officiate two games himself without having to travel. However, while that might be the case, I won’t question anyone’s motives if I don’t need to. I know what it’s like to have that happen. All I’m saying is that after giving it thought, I decided not to swap games and stay on the game I was assigned to. If people think I’m being an asshole on account of that, then that’s their problem.

I can’t say if I touch on the subject in “He Was Weird” but the bullying in it was so bad, it wouldn’t have mattered. To buy the book, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1527526540&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird