Recently, I have found posting on Peaceful Rampage a bit of a chore during the past few weeks. It’s not that I have nothing to post about, I have a long list of topics and I hardly use it unless the situation dictates. That was the case with my last two posts regarding religion, LGBT and homophobic bullying. I wonder if it’s a case of WordPress not being the popular forum it once was and no one really reads posts any more. I find myself feeling the same way sometimes when I have 100 emails to get through and someone writes a long winded post, I just can’t be bothered to read it all the way through. But I do read some of every post. Maybe people feel that way towards me.

This week, I was wondering what I would post about when, as usual, something happened which drove up the anxiety levels and where flashbacks of my past came charging in. This week, I had my first day of supply (substitute) teaching. I mean proper teaching work and not the Early Years stuff I normally get. I’ve been to the school many times in the past so it I was prepared. However, the Year 6 class I had was particularly rude, talking when I was trying to teach and even going louder when they were supposed to be working. It was a challenging day.

As a result, the class didn’t get the work set completed and now I’m wondering if the school is going to blame me for it. Schools always blame the supply teacher and everyone’s, even children’s, accounts of events hold sway over those of the supply teacher. So, I’ve been waiting for a call from the agency saying the school has given me negative feedback and doesn’t want me there on Friday. Trying not to worry about it is an impossible task.

This all comes back to other related events during my teaching career. In one case, a school told the agency a pack of lies about me. I appealed to my union who stated that the law regarding supply teachers gives me no scope to complain. Maybe I should have sued. Another time, a school said I left a classroom untidy, which is now why at the end of the day, I take a photo of the classroom. This way I have a comeback if anyone complains about an untidy classroom. But I hope people can see where this leads to all the anxiety I have been having over it.

So, I guess I had something to post about this week after all. The events of this past Monday combined with all of the related issues in my past are playing havoc with my mind. Hopefully, writing this will ease my anxieties a little but probably won’t.

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