Going to my mother in law’s funeral last week has led to much contemplation on my part, especially at the viewing the day before it. For most people, seeing their loved one’s body, no matter how nicely it’s laid out, will be an upsetting experience. My wife, youngest stepdaughter and youngest stepson were all visibly very upset at seeing their mother/grandmother laid out, knowing that she is no longer with us. My stepson had to leave the room and I went out to keep him company. However, he did go back into the room a few minutes later. So, I can see how upsetting the whole affair surrounding death can be.
I didn’t feel upset at the viewing. Now, I’m not some sort of heart of stone person but looking at her body, which looked very much at peace, I didn’t feel the need to be outwardly sad. While I loved my mother in law, especially her barmy sense of humour and I did feel some sadness, all I saw was someone who was now at peace. She did suffer for the past few months of her life and her rapid deterioration, brought on by dementia, was agonizing for all to see. Now that she’s gone, that pain and suffering is over and now she is at peace. That was what was going through my mind the entire time I was in the room viewing her body. Also, I would like to think for my own well being that she has gone onto a better place.
Thinking back to the other two times, I’ve been to a viewing, I realize that I felt the same way. Though I can’t say much about my cousin’s viewing as I was only sixteen at the time, I know for a fact I felt the exact same way when my grandfather passed away in 1983. While many people in the church were shedding tears, I saw that my grandfather was now at peace. Am I being strange to think like this?
The thing about DAMP is that people who have the condition do see things from a different perspective. I wonder if this is what I’m doing. That instead of seeing the fact that a loved one is no longer with us, I am seeing them at peace and believing that their spirit has now gone to a better place. There is part of me who thinks that by doing this, I am somehow disrespecting the memory of the deceased but most of my mind rejects this thought. I don’t really think I’m having evil thoughts by feeling this way. If anything, I’m just trying to see the good in it all.
For the most part, this part of my DAMP or Asperger’s Syndrome may be considered a blessing and I’d like to thing it is. However, there is another aspect of those conditions I have where in this case it’s a curse. Most of the time, my ability to recall and retain obscure facts is beneficial but not here. I don’t really like the fact that I’ve noticed that within the last two years that my mother in law and ex mother in law have passed away. I’d rather not have known that.
Maybe this is why that when I wrote “He Was Weird,” I made Mark’s body appear to be so at peace at his funeral. People in attendance saw a peaceful young boy and found it hard to believe that he had carried out such an atrocity. Actually, I had no debate in my mind as to whether or not to portray it any other way.
In closing, I would like to just say: Rest in peace Josephine Camps and Rest in peace Ann Williams
To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516823247&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird