Several months ago, I made a post about things that happened in the past where I imagine a different outcome, even when that outcome was favourable to me. In that particular scenario, it was the case of when I worked in a factory and starting out as a cleaner, I was turned down for advancement on several occasions. Militant colleagues kept suggesting that I go to the union about it, however, I resisted because I was afraid I would be branded a troublemaker and worse things would happen to me. To make a long story short, I did progress not long after.
That was over 27 years ago and even now, I find myself running the scenario through my mind of what might have happened had I gone to the union. I thought that writing that post about it a few months back would have exorcised that demon but not completely. I still find myself wondering what if. No matter how much I tell myself that it worked out for me, that thought reoccurs.
Recently, other situations from my past have come to mind where I imagine a different outcome. The difference with these is that most of the original outcomes weren’t favourable. They were occasions where I was bullied, exploited or humiliated and it has resulted in my imagined outcome often being more violent and I do physical harm to the antagonist in the situation. What’s worse is that some of these thoughts have become more intense and with my DAMP, my tendency to sometimes act out what I’m thinking shows through. This is not a good thing.
You can lecture me until the cows come home that I can’t undo what’s already been done. I know this. What’s more, writing “He Was Weird” did successfully remove the thoughts of the three years of hell the book is based on. I don’t think much about the bullying I suffered then because writing about it exorcised those demons. Does this mean I have to write a book about everyone who wronged me in the past? I hope not or otherwise, I’ll be writing forever. Furthermore, unlike my novel, some of those situations wouldn’t have been solved with a gun. So, what can I do? I would be very grateful for any advice here.
To buy He Was Weird, go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1478546976&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird