At my very first counselling session nearly thirteen years ago, the counsellor began with having me tell my life story, so I did. I unloaded how I was bullied as a child, especially those three years of hell which would eventually encourage me to write “He Was Weird” to how I was made a social outcast and even persecuted when I got out of the service for the crime of growing my hair long. The counsellor listened and added some thoughts along the way like the fact that one would have thought that people in college would have been more accepting of my eccentric dress and hair styles. However, when I finished, the counsellor’s response was, “You see yourself as a victim.”
Why I saw myself as a victim was the basic theme for the entire year and a half I was in counselling. At the end of that time, although probably before then, we reached the conclusion that the reason why I thought that I had ‘VICTIM’ stamped across my forehead throughout my life was because I was in fact victimised. Having suffered all sorts of bullying in my early life from direct threat and violence to exclusion to exploitation, eventually, no matter the situation, I saw myself as the victim. As a teen, I was the victim because I was a Christian and persecuted for Jesus’s sake. When I left the marines, I was the victim because the civilian populace who didn’t serve their country, didn’t understand what I had gone through. Even when I first came to England, I was a victim because I was American. Years of conditioning in that way has led me to go into victim mode whenever I encounter some adverse situation. Hell, even machinery is on it. I am convinced that all mechanical equipment is programmed not to work properly if owned by me.
Okay, that last one was a joke but it does show that if one is made to feel a victim long enough, they will believe they are one. Especially if they have a condition like Asperger’s Syndrome. It is also why many African Americans seem to play the race card because they actually feel they are victimised for being black. On that note, many Caucasian Americans think that their African counterparts are playing the race card to use it to their advantage, to get welfare, jobs or even get away with committing crimes. Yes, there are those who do but most don’t. Coming back to me, I too have learned to play the victim card to my advantage. Most recently, now that I have come forward and spoken out about how I was treated as a child, I have been accused of trying to get people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want sympathy but I would like the understanding and tolerance I didn’t get way back then.
Today, I still sometimes struggle with going into victim mode. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a victim but saying that, this doesn’t give anyone an excuse to blame the victim in any bullying situation. Because most people who see themselves as victims, most very likely were at one time.
To buy He Was Weird, go to https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470160732&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird