This has been the story of my life for most of it, especially during my early years. In fact, an former girlfriend once told me that I had led a very contradictory life. I have to agree with that. After all, in the space of a few years, I had gone from someone who had grown up in a staunch Republican household and served in the Marine Corps to a fully confessed Marxist. To quote the college chaplain at Queen Mary College in London, the American dream wasn’t working out for me so I began looking East. However, my affair with Karl only lasted about a year.
If you read my experiences with religion, you might remember that I had similar experiences with it. In my teenage years, I was a hard core Born Again Christian, eager to go out and live for the Lord. By the time I was eighteen, I was beginning to get disillusioned with it all because it wasn’t solving all my problems. As a result, I began going totally the other way. Inside, I felt that if I couldn’t be the best of the best, I would become the worst of the worst. In my thirties, I had another dance with religion when I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, (Mormons if you haven’t guessed.) In many ways, that was and still is the right faith for me. However, no matter how much I tried following the rules of the church, it didn’t seem to be enough in the end and then when my first marriage ended, that was the catalyst for me moving from any religion. For a while, I did go the other way again. I think I was having a mid life crisis and tried to recapture my early and mid twenties. I even broke out the old heavy metal attire and followed a local band around the pubs of Bristol. That didn’t last long. It ended when I was sitting in a coffee house in Amsterdam, all fuzzy from some of the goodies available there and realising that I wasn’t twenty-five anymore.
These are the two big examples of the extremism of my life. There were many small instances as well. One reason why I let bullies get away with so much was because when I did stand up for myself, I would totally skits out. Often times, the trigger would be something really small but all of the other larger events fueled the explosion. People would only see me lashing out and conveniently forget anything that was done to me. Of course, with my Aspergers mind, the condemnation from ignorant onlookers had me thinking that I was in the wrong and it became a case of damned if I do damned if I don’t. One can imagine what that did to my mental health.
Most things in my life swayed back and forth between the two extremes. That middle ground didn’t exist for me or I couldn’t see the grey area. At first, I took the lesser of two evils approach and that worked for a while. However, it did cause problems when I couldn’t determine which was the lesser evil. Now a days, after years of painful trial and error, I find the grey area much easier to spot and head there straight away and work out a compromise in my mind. That works best for me.
To buy He Was Weird go to: https://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1466625482&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird