Picking up from where I left off last week, I have decided not just to tell my life’s story as far as my relations with the female gender are concerned. I thought it was important to do so on the last post as those experiences shaped who I am today. Furthermore, talking about these experiences has given rise to a whole range of ideas for future posts and here was me panicking that I would run out of topics.
From the time of that experience when I was in the service and for the next six years, that experience shaped my view on women. I preferred picking up women in bars and clubs as opposed to asking a girl out at college and the possibility of a decent relationship. This was in spite of the fact that I wasn’t very good at the former. Whenever I thought about relaxing my attitudes and giving a relationship a chance, something would come and reaffirm my mistrust of women. One big episode was when I graciously volunteered to take my sister’s friend to their senior prom because my sister said the girl was so desperate, she might have to call rent a man. It turned out that the girl in question was engaged and that the reason she was desperate for a prom date was because her intended didn’t dance. Yeah, I know. That alone wouldn’t have been so bad except that at the prom, she acted like it was my prom and I should have been glad she was there with me when in fact, it was the other way around. The next day, I found myself saying aloud, “No wonder I don’t trust women.”
Eventually, I did briefly find someone and we were together for about three months. Unfortunately, she had issues of her own, the main one was drinking too much. My demons only added to this and when it ended, I came to the conclusion that being with the wrong person wasn’t better than being with no person at all. Then a few months later, I did meet someone who could have been a potential keeper. The problem was that I had already applied to and would be accepted by the University of London so the last thing I wanted was someone to wait for me for a year. I knew where that lead. So, I kept her at a distance and I would later find out that she even called on me when I was due to return from London but never did. I feel I hurt that poor lady and that still bugs me a little.
There was another aspect about me that gave me conflict with the fairer sex. See, this was the intolerant times of 80s Regan America and I committed some horrible offenses in the eyes of many Americans back then, especially women. I had long hair and wore Native American moccasin boots and even had my ear pierced. Therefore, my appearance put many ladies off and my attempted justifications did no good. A sister of a former marine buddy summed it up when she stated that because her brother didn’t grow his hair after leaving the marines, there was no reason why I should have.
Happy changes would come when I arrived in the UK. I met someone who was willing to see through my appearance and saw what a nice guy I was. When that marriage ended thirteen years later, I was a different person in many respects. What caused me to gain confidence around women was working in professions that are considered female dominant. I should have learned that not all women are the same but my Asperger’s mind and past skewed that thought. The result was me thinking that all British women were great and American women were foul. In my younger hot head days, I once remarked that I would never entertain an American woman ever again. I probably won’t for many reasons like my marriage but I know that my comments were those of an angry young man who saw things in the wrong light.
Let me say, that in spite of coming across as a victim here, I admit I made a lot of mistakes and I do hold myself accountable for them. Between my two marriages, I did hurt two women. In the first case, the fact that my counselor would later say that I should have dumped the girl before then, it doesn’t justify what I did. The second case was my own Asperger’s bungling in hoping things would work itself out. They didn’t and I am not going to try to justify it either. If I was somebody else, looking at me back then, I still would think that I was an asshole. So judge me as you wish, I am not that shy boy I was in my adolescence and early adult life nor do I let my Asperger’s dominate my life in this field. I have somebody who is patient with me warts and all and that is all anyone could ask for.
Next post: Asperger’s And Sexism
To buy He Was Weird, go to: http://www.amazon.co.uk/He-Was-Weird-Michael-Lefevre/dp/1909740942/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400600221&sr=1-1&keywords=he+was+weird